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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions Toughlove

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Toughlove #2213776 02/15/09 12:03 AM
Joined: Feb 2009 Posts: 1 M momshurt OP Junior Member
OP momshurt Junior Member M Joined: Feb 2009 Posts: 1	I am not sure if this is the right place to be but I am having trouble coping with my 20 year old moving out. The worst thing is she plays be for a fool and is very mean to me. But to top it off I still pay for the car note, cell phone and insurance. Friends have told me to stop living my life for her. Help can I get some advice her to please direct me to someone who can help. I am about ready to explode! Last edited by momshurt; 02/15/09 12:04 AM.

Re: Toughlove momshurt #2213791 02/15/09 01:51 AM
Joined: Oct 2007 Posts: 3,278 D Dancing_Machine Member
Dancing_Machine Member D Joined: Oct 2007 Posts: 3,278	Originally Posted by momshurt I am not sure if this is the right place to be but I am having trouble coping with my 20 year old moving out. The worst thing is she plays be for a fool and is very mean to me. But to top it off I still pay for the car note, cell phone and insurance. Friends have told me to stop living my life for her. Help can I get some advice her to please direct me to someone who can help. I am about ready to explode! Hi, Well, if you are still around and this is a real scenario...(because I, for one, don't understand why you would post under infidelity, but okay, I'll bite)... Stop enabling her. Stop paying her bills. Go to google search engine and type in "how to stop being an enabler.) Plenty of sites will pop up. Read them. Do what they say. You will be much happier. Charlotte

Re: Toughlove momshurt #2213816 02/15/09 07:51 AM
Joined: Jun 2006 Posts: 799 Texas B BringItOn Member
BringItOn Member B Joined: Jun 2006 Posts: 799 Texas	MH, I also have a 20 yo, but she's struggling to be more independent. I'm reading the book "Boundaries" by Townsend and Cloud. It addresses the very thing you're talking about and is easy to understand. I actually see DD20 as having better boundaries than either my H or me. She's reading the book next to deal with stuff her cousin (former roommate) is putting her through...ie like not paying her portion of the bills etc. AKA VowsRSacred/ VRS Me 44 WH 46 dd Mar 7 06 Dday 2 Jan 19 07 EA and PA DD 19 DS 10 DS 7 DD 4

Re: Toughlove momshurt #2213854 02/15/09 10:05 AM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	Originally Posted by momshurt I am not sure if this is the right place to be but I am having trouble coping with my 20 year old moving out. The worst thing is she plays be for a fool and is very mean to me. I would not permit an adult to live under my roof for free and be mean to me. You are training her to be a PUNK. I would show her to the door and wish her well. 20 years old is plenty old enough to pay for her own car and phone. You are doing her no favors by not parenting her. "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101

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