My VD didn't start out too promising.

The day before, I headed out to the shops right after work to see if I could pick up a a few little things for V-Day. Ended up choosing a few somewhat-naughty things and some special chocolates. I arrived home about an hour and a half later than usual, only to end up being grilled by FWW in our bedroom ...

"Where were you?"

"Out shopping."

"Shopping for what?"

"Something for you..."

At that point she launched into a long tirade, chastising me for buying something for her when she expressly told me not to do so (for the record, she never did that!) and how she would prefer if I spent my money on other things, like getting her car washed. I hadn't even shown her what I'd gotten her yet.

After about ten minutes of getting my ears peeled, I said, "Ok, no problem - as I haven't actually given anything to you yet, I'll give the stuff to my brother. I'm sure he's out looking for something for his girlfriend now and he'd be happy to get it. That way you'll be happy - no present from me to worry about, and he'll be happy - he'll save a little money."

At that point I went outside into the living room - my "signal" that I was exercising one of my personal boundaries: to not let myself be subjected to abusive behaviour.

A few minutes later, she joined me in the living room, wanting to talk. She started repeating the same lines, saying that she did insist that I not buy her gifts, and that it was "rude" of me to end the conversation like that. I replied that she hadn't insisted anything of the sort, and that I felt her behaviour was rather abusive towards me, and that's why I left. She left at that point, but came back about an hour later, apologized for her behaviour, and wanting to talk some more.

After about an hour trying to work my way through her tangles to find out what was really going on, I eventually worked out that apparently she's afraid of being put in a situation where she doesn't like a gift that I purchase for her, so she prefers that I don't purchase any at all, because she didn't want to hurt my feelings, or pretend that my gift was nice or appreciated. I said that she didn't have to worry about hurting my feelings, and that I'd safely survived a few instances in the past where she absolutely hated what I'd given her and apparently wasn't afraid to let me know it. I mentioned a few of them and we had a few chuckles over the memories. She apologized to me again, saying that she didn't know that she was being abusive.

Next day, V-Day, I gave her the chocolates. We went out to cinema later, and ended the night cuddled up with each other. I kept the somewhat-naughty stuff for another time.

Another day in my life with the human bramble-bush....

Hey ManInMotion,

Your valentine day reminds me so much of some of mine!!!

After D day she was not happy to get ANYTHING from me but also refused to tell me why...

After some time (and a lot of wine) she FINALLY told me what the deal was...

It was her guilt...

Because she had not been able to deal with her adultery in her mind it actually CAUSED HER PAIN to receive ANYTHING from me...

She was actually angry at herself and when I did any kindness or bought her anything romantic it resurfaced...

AND

she was still angry at me for my part of the failure of the marriage and she would be Dam*ed if she was going to "reward" that by buying me anything... :RollieEyes:

Once she had worked out the guilt it got much better but it took a LONG time...

One thing I did do that seemed to help was I did apologize to her SPECIFICALLY for each misdeed I had committed during the marriage which was what she needed to hear to be able to forgive me...

Soooooo this valentine day was MUCH improved over last years.

On the way home from dinner she pulled out a heart pillow and blanket...

Yeah, I know ... TMI... but I've been waiting a long time to brag...

Jim

I got her flowers on Thursday, then followed up with two cards, three hottie-shirts from her favorite store and gift card for landscaping/flowers/bushes from nursery. And promised to help her plant all of them (had refused in years past...my job stops at end of grass).

In return...I got...

Well, nothing. No card, no gift. And an angry outburst later that night from her. That turned in to a fight.

Not a very good VDay for me by any way shape or form.

I got my wife a dozen roses last Thursday and put them in her office. That gave her a chance to have all her friends come by and admire her good fortune as to have such a considerate husband. It really does boost her ego.

She got me a card which had some very appropiate words on it... she wrote to me that she was mine and mine alone. I'll accept that as from the heart and genuine.

Our weekend was fairly quiet... did some honey-do's on Saturday. I did all of the cooking, that wasn't so much planned, just worked out that way. Anyway, I'm the better chef.

Overall it was good. We had plans to go out of town for a fun weekend with the kids but rain was in the forecast so we canceled. Thurs night, we got a sitter and went to a new restaurant we had our eye on. I got red roses. It was a nice evening.

Saturday was a lazy day of sleeping in and wearing pajamas until noon. Took FWH and the kids shopping. Went to see a movie and dinner. Another nice day.

One year, I got my FWW flowers for V-Day. She didn't like them, and told me so. Said she couldn't understand why anyone would like receiving flowers, because they didn't really serve any purpose, and she didn't like the arrangement anyway.

The next year, with my typical absent-mindedness, I forgot her reaction from the previous year and repeated the mistake, LOL. I bought the flowers from the same florist too. Fireworks in the MiM Household...

Oh, I didn't receive anything from her, BTW. Not that I was looking to, anyway.

Boring VD in the Turtlehead household.

We were without electricity for three days (12 - 14th) due to a huge storm that blew through the area. So we read lots of books, slept for a couple of very long, dark, quiet nights, and took turns going out and running the generator. We fretted over the fridge and freezer contents. We heated water on the stove to wash dishes. It was fun.

Saturday we drove 3 hours to a city that has a MicroCenter, to get a computer monitor. Oh, and we ate at Burger King.

Saturday night the power came back on and we watched a DVD.

We don't really like VD in the Turtlehead household, plus our lives are fortunately no longer fraught with emotional turmoil and huge significance. It's a relief.

Ours was GREAT! We exchanged gifts & very sweet cards (a handbag for me, a painting for Mr. W, giant stuffed bear & Wii game for dd9)...That night our dd9 went to a community center event called "parents' night out", we went to a movie, came home and did some other, ahem, "stuff"...

Mrs. W

MIM,

Have you ever read the book The Five Love Languages by Dr Gary Chapman? If not, you may find some helpful information in it.

It's a good book and works well with Dr Harley's basic concepts.

If you want to check out what's in it, here is a link to a basic description of what the 5 love languages are.

Here

The book was key in saving our marriage.

Just based on what you said about your W's reaction to your gifts I'm going to say "Receiving gifts" is not her primary love language. IOW, it does nothing for her.

She said she would rather you got her car washed. Just based on this little tid pit of info my guess is her love language is "Acts of Service". If that is the case, start doing little things for her that you normally wouldn't and you may see a difference. Take her car, fill the tank, have it washed and see what her reaction to that is.

LC

Some time ago we started swapping out our TVs and computer monitors for LCD screens that can serve both purposes (if the LCD screen has a composite video input, you can connect your cable box to that to convert it to a "TV"), to save space and cut down on power usage. Best decision we've made so far. Life is different when you've got a 37" 1920x1080 computer monitor to play games on

Ours was nice. We celebrated Friday. He got me some really pretty red & black satin pajamas from Frederick's of Hollywood with a matching robe (it's a camisole and shorts, so yes they're really pajamas :D). I got him a book on the secrets of the Sistine chapel, and season 8 of South Park (I can't stand that show but he loves it). We went out and had a couple drinks, and chips & spinach dip.

MIM,
Did you notice that after what happened/what she said - it was really about your wife and how she felt about herself - it really wasn't about you. The way I see it you're helping her recognize the things she needs to pay attention to about herself. I know you didn't ask for advice...

My VD went great. Had I realized a black lace teddy would have gotten the reaction and performance out of my H - I would have done it sooner (he has asked for black). The recent articles posted on what men find romantic are so true.

GG

Friday night I got a fun little gift but I'm not telling what it was.

Saturday we went to lunch at a great steakhouse nearby and had a few drinks afterwards. While we were there, pink and red tulips (one of my favorites) were delivered to the house. FWH is recovering from surgery so can't get out much, so this was perfect.

I gave him a coffee table picture book on weather, one of his favorite subjects, along with some dark chocolate, strawberry flavored "Peeps" and some "Conversation Cards". We "played" them night before last.

I'm familiar with the work. I'm fairly certain that her primary love language is "Acts of Service", but that doesn't mean she's not open to receiving a little token or two of appreciation.

In this case it seems she was trying to avoid having to face a situation where she might have to express disappointment over the gift received. So she pre-LB'd me.

My FWW is such a tangled gem...

For the first time in probably the whole 25 years we have been together our VD was wonderful.

I got a beautiful gold bracelet with hearts on it, he got a new watch (a gold and silver one that he had been eyeballing). We went to a movie and then had either a late lunch or early dinner (about 3:00 pm), then later that evening we went to a benefit concert where there were several local bands playing.

The day was great!!!!

Being in Plan B - this was THE most painful Valentine's for me ever (or at least in 21 years!) Just could not get her off my mind and kept reminiscing of VDs past.

MiM:

I like the "Pre-LBing" that Mrs. MiM did.

Just keep after it. One day something good will happen.

Valentine's Day?

Well, since I'm an Accountant, I get to work.

But we started the morning off well. Flamingo had to work as well, so we rode into town together.

On the seat of my Van was a VD Card and chocolate "turtles" Which I really love....

What about VD Lunch? No go.

She has a new employee, and it was the new employee's birthday, so she had agreed to take the new employee to lunch. LG gets a frozen dinner at his desk.

And, Our Square Dance Club's monthly dance was that night, so I know that we were going to be doing that. So our evening was planned.

During the day, I purchased her a card, and then I wrote a 6 page letter, single spaced, handwritten, of why I loved her.

When we got home, she was rushed because of the dance. The dog got more luv'in when we got home than I did.

We share a tradition. She gave me a Valentines Day card several years ago (8 or 9?) that said something to the effect of our relationship being bizarre. We trade it back and forth every year. Well, I had the "tradition card" and the new card, plus the letter, and placed them on her pillow.

When she came up stairs to change for the dance, she noticed, was happy about the "tradition card", but feeling the "heft" of the other card, left it unopened.

She did give me a kiss, however....

The Dance went well, no major mishaps, and we got home around 11:50. Not much time for her to read her letter before the end of the day.

She was touched. Said that she had never recieved a love letter before. Love notes, or cards, yes, but never a letter.

It took us a while to get to sleep....



LG

Our Valentine's Day was fabulous. We did not exchange gifts at all and neither of us had any expectations of what we wanted the day to bring. We had a very low key day and spent most of it focusing on each other.

I told Docp this was the best Valentine's Day we ever had.

LC

I went bowling with about 25 people from my divorce support group. I had a great time.

I met this girl and from the first time I saw her I knew she was my kind of gal!









































She was picking her nose!











































One of the girls from the group brought her two year old grand daughter. She was a doll. She was real shy at first but by the end of the night she had warmed up to me.

I made reservations for us at a Japanese Steakhouse we had went to 17 years ago when we dated the first time before I met my XW.

She got "us" a VD gift bag for after dinner and a VD card for me asking if I was gonna put out.