Isn't it amazing how life repeats itself... Only the second time around we have more insight and experience....

See you around 4:00ish......

Have a spectacular day with your daughter,

Ok, I realize I am a slow at times on here and downright draining.

But come on give a girl a break. I find out that WH and OW and I have been quiet for hours. Can't I get a little hug for not falling back into old behaviors.

In fact, this GODDESS is about to meet her friend JT and have a wonderful afternoon in the sunshine in the PNW.

For not rushing to HIS aid and fixing it, but absolutely being quiet in her heart and totally trusting G-d with the future. Because unbelievably as it seems, that's what's happened. I don't feel like I have to go save him. I just pray for him. I pray for G-d to provide him with what he needs.

I pray that he finds G-d in his life and becomes the man G-d envisioned for him.

Come on, just one hug.... LOL

That IS great news Queenie. But (you knew that was coming)...
I don't understand this:


Really? Why would you do that? (give permission to tell your WH that he has a home to come to if he wanted to...) Just like that? No effort or work on his part to make amends to his family? I'm hoping that you said it just to get the conversation going... not as a serious invite for him back into your life as if nothing happened.

What happens when he meets another one?

I love ya Queenie and I'm hoping for the best.

Queenie,

If he does want to come home you have to make him earn that right Raise the bar so high he needs to fly to clear it.

You know you can't fix him so don't accept less than 100% surrender to God from him. Unconditional surrender is all that will do any good in the long run.

The friend doesn't need to tell him that he can come home. Your Plan B letter told him that. You also told him what it will take from him for him to return to you and the kids. He has not returned because he is not ready to do what you need. Don't settle for less than 100% commitment from him.

I think this proves my original premise that till divorce is final you need to wait before dating. He might never come home, but the last thing you need is to begin a new relationship and then find out he is willing to do whatever it takes to win you back only to have you lost in your own fog.

I'll leave it alone for now. Just remember that you can't fix him and God won't till he is completely broken and at the end of himself...

That is my prayer for him, that he hits bottom with nowhere to turn. My prayer for you is that you will only take him back if he has recovered from that condition and has let God fix him inside and out.

Mark

IMO all this proves is Queenie clearly isn't ready yet. Even if she was divorced tomorrow, she still wouldn't be ready to begin a new relationship.

Thats why I don't think its fair to say that after D its ok. Some people are ready long before a D can be final - and I'm talking about places where D takes a few years!

Queenie,

I can't believe you said this! I can feel you getting a tinge of hope and excitement from your post. Please don't!

Clearly you are not done yet. Its very unfortunate you ran into this person. Bad for you - bad for your recovery

That is my ONLY prayer for HIM as well.

This is his battle, not mine and NO I am NOT taking the WH back, only the one who G-d allows back into my life. This is NOT MY SHOW. NOT MY CONTROL..

G-d is in charge, G-ds will is all I am looking for.

I had to tell his friend that he had a home to come to. BUT THAT'S ALL.

What I KNOW and TRUST G-d has a plan and I'm following him. NOT MY IDEA. NOT MY WANTS.

It was NEVER my intent to start a new relationship, but we have already completed that conversation and in the end, really NOTHING has changed. He is still WH, and he has NOT made any attempt to come home or even contact his children, forget me.

We have NO IDEA what is happening over in his world, and I'm just not willing to go there or open up to that pain.

The old Skinsgal would be fixing it, consuming my thoughts, blah blah. This new Queenie of G-d simply TRUSTS G-D and his plan. I'm in a good space. I'm looking at what is real. I'm in Plan B, I'm not looking to contact him, I'm not looking to become enmeshed in his ICKINESS, I'm just letting go and letting G-d.

NO PM, I'm not leaving it an open invitation without work to be done at all. It was just the opportunity to plant in his head that there was a way home. I plan to stay very close to this place and make sure I stay on the straight and narrow and not even open the door to that old marriage. It's DEAD.

Oh My, don't you see how actually perfect it really is. I'm not hopeful, I'm at peace. I'm in a place where all I have is to TRUST G-d and keep working on me. I'm learning about me. I'm learning that I can live without him and have for a very long time. I'm not the woman he left. I'm not the pathetic creature who would have taken him back.

But I am his wife and I love the man that he once was and could be, and I had to reach out to him for my own sake. NOT HIS. But I will NOT become enmeshed with WH.

I am in Plan B. I have NO IDEA what's happening over there. It's quite frankly none of my business. I'm in the business of taking care of my children, moving forward with my D if that is G-ds will and living my own life.

I am open to G-ds will. I am open to creating a NEW relationship with a man that I was once married to, but the standards have been RAISED and he has to meet them to even get a date with me.

Remember, I'm still married, I need to complete that first. LOL

Psssssst...Queenie.....

I LOVE the fact that they broke up.

And I will keep you, your family and all the BSs and their families in my prayers.

I am just leaving it in G-ds hands. They were still broken up as of Friday, I have NO IDEA what's happening over there, so I'm not happy yet.

WH needs to be in our prayers too. Mark is so right. He needs to be broken before we have even a shot and G-d wants this more than I do.

My new and continuous mantra... TRUST G-d and STAY OUT

((((Queenie)))

There's your hug... and I'm with Mark. I loved that he pointed out the beauty of the plan B letter. WH already knows how to get home if or when he decides to turn that way.

Isn't it a possibility that he forgot the letter because he was so fogged out? Just a thought. :crosseyedcrazy:

Hi there Exodus, long time no see. How are you? Thank you for the hug

You're welcome. Things are good here.

I suppose it is possible that WH has lost his letter. Surely you have a copy to hand him if he has and winds up on your porch.

I hope the OW stays away though. I think he needs that distance for his own spiritual and physical health.

Queenie, if he comes crawling back, is that really enough. What if all he wants is sex and a maid? What if he talks pretty talk but can't treat you well? Why would you want him?

Is this desire for him merely a way to get out of working on your issues? Would his presence make anything better?

I don't think he deserves you! I don't think you need who he really is. You deserve better.

Oh I absolutely agree. He is on a journey that just simply isn't going to include me yet... If ever.

I agree, she is a freeloader and lives on state assistance, she had it made living with him. We don't have enough details to surmise what happened and I absolutely refuse to get caught up in that drama.

LOL, if this were true, then he is ABSOLUTELY an IMPROVEMENT over the old H. The old one never wanted sex. I'd take this one in a heartbeat.

Since my time on here you have all said over and over when you will know the difference between your WS or broken one. I'll know. I will know because it will be in his eyes, it will be the way he calls me Bright Eyes. I won't settle for anyone else. I'm not settling for crumbs, I'm not taking back the monster. I want a man who is designed by G-d and healed to be my H. And that's not him YET.

You know Cinders, if I have it my all, if I was that healthy wife all those years and he did this, then yes I would absolultely agree, but I DID'T do my best and I WANT the CHANCE to make amends for MY PART. This is about ME and me letting MYSELF heal and clean up the wreckage of my PAST.

I deserve the chance to finish my healing process and I would like it to be with the man that I made a commitment to, the man who even as much as a jerk as he can be he is still who holds my heart, and is the father of my children.

When G-d is done creating a new man, he is the best for me.

Regardless of what we all think, me included. I am convinced, thank you very much JT, that G-d will ask me what I want and if the time is right will bless me with his answer.

I'm not trying to get out of working on my issues. I'm not looking to become enmeshed with this loser today. I'm still living my life, healing myself, going to meetings, learning about myself and not concentrating on him.

He's in G-ds hands. G-d will work out the details on how he comes home, its not for me to figure out but stay close to him and be still. Give G-d time to work his plan out that he has. Not me running around like a caged animal wanting what I want without knowing if it's his plan on not.

Wow, did I just say that. LOL

Queenie,
Your journey has been long and tiring...I know. You have only begun YOUR healing process. You are in God's hands, remember that OK? Whatever you do, remember that God will reveal His path for you and will expect you to follow. You can't do any more than that.


You just wrote these words.....seek God and ensure you will really MEAN these words when the time comes....k?

Hi Kick

I think you as much as anyone understands the journey we have be on. I have been an obedient servant to G-d to learn new ways to live, to understand what I was dealing with even when my emotions were running me.

It's so weird, if this had happened 6 months ago even a month ago perhaps I wouldn't be as calm or just at peace knowing G-d is taking care of it.

I love my husband so much. I have become a wise woman of G-d to realize this is about HIS JOURNEY, not MINE. If I even entertain interferring, I will ruin it all and NEVER get what I hope because I wasn't living the life or practicing the new traits that I have been given.

I am not one of the people on here who can ask why did this happen. I know why. I know that the both of us were dying inside in our own way and that G-d had seen enough. As long as I remember I am an addict, attend meetings, working my program, but mostly seek G-d in ALL things, I pray I will continue to move forward.

Queenie,
Your almost right....this is very much about you!! Remember that God loves all His children the same. He was/is dealing with you and your walk with Him. You had to demonstrate that you could and would be a servent of God and follow His direction. You have to continue to seek His guidance in EVERYTHING you do and say...if not then some of this has all been for naught.

If you really mean that you have surrendered your life to God, and I know you have, then all things are possible.

Just remember that your DUTY to your H is to pray for him....nothing else!!

Please do not get caught up in the expectations of his possible return. Satan would love nothing more than for you to revert back to old ways. Ask God to give you strenght and for protection of your heart.

I'm praying for your both!

ABSOLUTELY WITHOUT QUESTION....

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND..... I know it's HARD for PEOPLE to believe, but I DO....

I don't believe I am. Where I MIGHT be caught up is hoping that if SHE is out of the picture, then WH at the VERY LEAST would find enough deceny in himself to help me financially. NOT COME HOME... Just give me the spousal support I NEED to continue and raise his children until the last one graduates. I have to say I am HOPING for that.

this is GOOD, I hadn't thought of this. Thank you.

I realize it's very easy for me to say what I will do, because the truth of the matter is WH hasn't made contact with me or his children. NOTHING HAS CHANGED except information that they broke up.

I'm acting as if... and keeping close to the LORD......as if I am the TRUE GODDESS I worked hard to become and just allow G-d to have this and leave it alone.

Kick, if you can imagine anything... Just my mere words are better than I used to be.... LOL..... I know it's hard for people to imagine. But I wasn't broken so deeply I haven't forgotten that pain that lived inside of me. I won't EVER go back there.

I said to you before that I've read your entire thread...several times....and I can see your growth. That is why I stress to you that this really is about YOU....no other.

When you give a testimony about the works God does for you, in words or written, the angels in heaven rejoice.

Keep up the work in YOU!!!