Hey Paul, <BR>I had to respond to the austism part of your post.<BR>Has that contributed to the problems in the marriage? We deal with austism, too, here and a long time ago they told us these marriages have a 75% greater chance of divorce. We almost proved them right. <BR>I'd love to hear your autism history. We're all different and I'd like to see if we have things in common. The autism is hard enough, huh? Infidelity, too makes it all so hard.... <BR>I know of at least one other on this forum who has a son with autism. It is just an interesting link.<BR>Sara

Our youngest does not have autism (at least I hope not) but she is severely speech delayed. I tried to discuss it with my H on a number of occasions, and while he agreed that she was obviously delayed, he didn't seem to care - until apparently the OW told him there was something wrong. Then he immediately started telling me to get her evaluated. At the evaluation, the first thing they mentioned was her echolalia, which got me more worried, and then today they were commenting on how well she amuses herself, which didn't make me feel any better.

I have a son with disabilities, and yes it has been a factor, especially to his father. Thing is, my H doesn't want to accept that he could have a son who will never reach the expectations he has set for his children. I, on the other hand, went to all the medical appointments, like when our son went to Loma Linda (a HUGE hospital in CA that has a wonderful neurological program) all by myself.<P>Yes, these things matter. A LOT.<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Hey Sara,<BR>I haven't heard from you via email in a while. I was glad to see your post here. Write soon and tell me how things are.<P>new_beginning, I went last night to my first KIDD meeting(Karegivers for Individuals with Developmental Delays). Like you with your child's doctor appt., I went ALONE. It seems I am the only parent having to deal with S's Autism. Whether it's rejoicing in his achievements, managing or just crying...I'm alone. Having a child with any kind of "problem" is stress enough. I've heard of marriages falling apart BECAUSE of a stressor such as a child's health problem. Add infidelity in the mix and it's a volatile combination! I miss not having my life partner, my friend to lean on. I miss not being able to do everything TOGETHER, including helping our son be the very best he can be. I miss not being a "whole" family.<BR><P>------------------<BR>For I know the thoughts I think<BR>toward you, saith the Lord,<BR>thoughts of peace, not of evil,<BR>to give you an expected end.<BR>Jeremiah 29:11<BR>

Ok, touchy subject to me here. Reason being that I was the parent that was "distant" from my Autistic son.<P>To this day it hurts me to know I was this way. Shameful <P>He is not physically disabled or he does not act autistic other than he is delayed and his mentality is alot lower than it should be.<P>My wife was the one who went to all the appointments and trips with him. I worked all the time, I felt that this was doing my part.<P>This drove a huge wedge between my wife and I. She felt I didn't care, when the truth was I didn't know how to show that I did care. I did care.<P>When she left I had to pick up the slack. I never knew there was so much to do. But we worked hard although he did stop going to some of his therapy because I did not have the ability to take him. However I did pay him more attention personally after work.<P>When she came back she played with him alot and still at times breaks into tears because since she has been gone he has improved dramatically. He has progressed more in the past six weeks with me than in the past year with his therapy.<P>This has also drove wedge between us now. I don't know what to do in this respect. I pray for anyone with a "handicapped" child. God loves his little children<BR>

Paul,<BR>I want to respond to you but my son is home today and I can't think clearly right now.<BR>Please know that the edges can be whittled away.<P>Kyra,<BR>I'm still a little leary of lurkers here. I have to be careful about what I post. I'll e-mail you soon. I think of you often.<BR>Sara

Hi Everyone<<BR>I just wanted to write in and tell you that I don't have any children with autism or disability, but, I have worked in the developmentally disabled for 21 years. My background is anywhere from working in an institution to group homes, being an administrator, teacher of the handicapped to being a case manager working for the state of the developmental disablitlies. I have extensive background in this field. I just want to tell you that all of you are doing a great job just by trying to take care of your children. I have seen alot. I have also seen alot of marriage break up because of the "stress" that is attributed to the disabled son/daughter. I am not saying that all men are like this or women, but, a spouse has this preconceived notion that their child has to be perfect for society. That society will never accept their child's disablitly. Thus, they cannot handle the stress, the looks that they receive when they are out with their kid, that their child looks different. Some men cannot accept the fact that their only "son" will never be able to play football, or can take them anywhere. Now, I am just speaking of what I have seen and heard. The situations that are described are common. Because of these factors, the spouse will tend to "run away" from the situation which leads to divorce. Since the spouse cannot deal with the disabled child that part of the spouse produced, they leave. They not only leave the child, but, they leave the burden on the other spouse. So, again, I applaud each of you who do have a disabled child. God, it is not easy at all. Instead of the spouses who leave because they cannot handle it, they should be there to support their spouse and be there for their child, regardless of what the disability is. How unfortunate that some people expect to have that perfect child and when they don't, they walk away. It's nto an easy thing. But life is not an easy thing. God chose who he chose. The most important thing you are doing is being there for your child and helping him/her grow and learn. The world is not over for them. They have the ability to learn and grow and eventually go into a group home (if you choose) where they can expand their learning and socialization skills. <BR>Anyway, I just want to applaud all of you for doing the best you can and being there for your children and loving them.

Sara, I understand and look forward to hearing from you.<P>Katya, thank you for that "pat on the back".<BR>I'm sure I'm not the only one who appreciated your understanding and kind words. <P>Paul, it's never too late. You're there for S now and that's what matters. Good luck.<P>------------------<BR>For I know the thoughts I think<BR>toward you, saith the Lord,<BR>thoughts of peace, not of evil,<BR>to give you an expected end.<BR>Jeremiah 29:11<BR>