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She is worried about them because in some of them she gave me everything except her car and there were some where she called me names because I wanted her to see her kids. Then there are some where she is just saying stuff about the A. So she can't deny it. How do I send a text to my email? I have Verizon.
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
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I don't know what your service plan is...you may have to pay for that option. But it sounds like it would be worth it. If you live near a Verizon outlet (not an authorized dealer but a real Verizon office), I would talk to them.
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She is worried about them because in some of them she gave me everything except her car and there were some where she called me names because I wanted her to see her kids. Then there are some where she is just saying stuff about the A. So she can't deny it. How do I send a text to my email? I have Verizon. My verizon phone has a MMS feature for sending to email addy's versus the SMS feature for phone to phone texting. You COULD send them to my email address below and my wife and I could hold them for you (in case you need or want them later). That way...if she asks you if you saved them or still have them you can honestly say "no"...since you no longer will have them in your possession. Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Well, they are long messages so I cannot send them to email or even to my prepaid phone to keep. I can only send them to other Verizon phones.
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
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Well, I have a couple questions for you guys. I need to know if it is time for Plan B.
MIL emailed me today telling me that no matter how good I do in plan A WW always talks bad about me. She says WW never says I was nice or anything good about me, whenever she talks about me she is always full of anger and says she is feeling manipulated and controlled.
Sounds like run of the mill fog babble to me.
All I know for sure is that I am really getting tired of this and this is all getting really old really quick.
Any suggestions?
Also, how do I find somebody I can trust to be my IM in Plan B? I dont really know of anybody.
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
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Send them to your brother, sister, friend, mom or whomever. They can send them back to you if you need them.
btw...on my phone I can send/forward SMS messages to another cell phone OR an email address. It's a pain to type it in...but it's doable.
It's easier if you add the email address to your contacts then when forwarding indicate you want to look up the address in your contacts. Then you just choose the email address already saved and send it. You could try it with my address below and I'll let you know if I get it.
Then again...I have a treo (or as my wife calls it, the "brick"). Might just have more options.
Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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I tried it and my phone says I cannot send SMS messages to email addresses. But I think I may send them to my grandparents cell. They never use text messaging so it would not be a big deal to have them on there.
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
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Do you have kids, Rusty? (I don't recall.)
If you don't have kids, I wouldn't think you'd have all that much need for an intermediary - or, to put it another way, I wouldn't think your intermediary would have all that much to do.
Me: 41, INFP
Her: 46, ESFJ
Married 6/95
B-G Twins
4 yrs recovered from serious neglect on my part.
So happy together!
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BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
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Posts: 1,018
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HI Rusty,
I've read most of this tread and I don't think you are ready for Plan "B" yet. Re-read some of the advice above and remember like Mr. W said "B" is for YOU to protect any feelings you have left for your WW. Not a way to "wake her up" or come to her senses.
Plan A is a way to replace lost balance in the love bank. AND... even though she SAYS that it is "too little too late" she seems intrigued by the "new you". It takes a while (Harley recommended 6 months) for the WS to fully begin to TRUST the changes and to believe they are permanent.
STAY CONSISTANT...DON'T REACT....((to either good or bad news) One of you has to act like a normal adult human being :crosseyedcrazy:
Expect the best but prepare for the worse... you know the drill...
YOU CAN DO THIS!!
GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS FRANK
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Thanks for the advice. I am teetering on the edge of wanting to go to plan B for myself.
I think I have some more left in me for plan A but it is just hard to plan A long distance.
I have read some of MM's stuff and seen that he said when he went to plan B that his WW's anger for him started to diminish since he wasnt around to be the object of her anger any more.
Why do WW's get so mad at the BH's? Why is it that she is mad no matter how great I am?
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
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If you think you NEED to go to "B" to save the remaining love you have for your WW then you and ONLY you can know that...
Plan "A" is EXHAUSTING!! And... we as humans expect quicker feedback than "A" usually gives us. It is the very definition of a "Thankless act"
But being here so long I've read COUNTLESS stories of how the WS seemed unaffected by "A" but when they came home... they revealed something quite different.
One comes to mind (I may not get it 100% right but here goes) of a wife that wrote her WH a letter EVERY day telling him how much she missed and loved him and that he was a good man and this wasn't like him.
This went on for about a year... never ONCE did her WH call her...write or contact her in ANY WAY...
Well.. one day the doorbell rings... there stands her WH looking very sad... disheveled ..unshaved... and even unclean.
He simply says "Can I come home?"
She of course grabs his bags and welcomes him in.
They hardly talked that night.. she never asked him why he didn't answer... or where he'd been...
The next day she emptied his suitcase and started to wash his clothes. In the side compartment of the suitcase she found what looked like:
EVERY LETTER CARD AND NOTE SHE HAD SENT HIM!! EVERY SINGLE ONE!!
A couple of days later she was doing the wash again and she found she was wrong...
In the pocket of his pants she found the VERY FIRST very very heartfelt letter she had written him. This letter, was so worn by being opened and closed so much that it almost fell apart in her hands.
When she asked him about it finally...he told her that he read all her others as they came in BUT...he read THAT one every day.. sometimes several times a day...
His reason for waiting so long...HIS GUILT...
and that is the answer IMHO to your question below
Why do WW's get so mad at the BH's? Why is it that she is mad no matter how great I am?
Plan "A" makes them (not by design) feel our pain and that make them feel guilty... they are really mad at themselves for not being able to break the "addiction" of the affair..
AS FOR...
I have read some of MM's stuff and seen that he said when he went to plan B that his WW's anger for him started to diminish since he wasnt around to be the object of her anger any more.
See... you may be thinking (deep down) that "B" will turn her around...Not the reason to do it... and MM's situation (as all) may have some similarities... but is not yours... YOU have to decide because of YOUR situation...
So... take it day to day,....and if it gets to hard to stay in "A" go to "B" Every day wake up and decide then what you'll do...
GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS FRANK
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Thank you so much. I guess a part of me was wanting plan B so her anger toward me would die down. That isnt the way it works, though. I am only supposed to go to plan B for me.
Thanks Frank.
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
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Rusty -
You've rcvd good advice.
Also wanted to add that Plan B will work with greater success if the Plan A is strong and ends on a high note. As if it is her last memory of you meeting her needs.
During Plan A, your WW is getting an overload of needs met by both the BH and OM. She is in glory being able to cake eat from two men.
Plan B will remove your self from the abuse and her needs will be sharply reduced. But you need to go as far as you can in Plan A.
Key is to muster enough Plan A as long as your energy can hold out without expecting your needs to be met and (most importantly) without LB. Tough to do but nevertheless the longer you do a Plan A, the increased effectiveness of Plan B. The contrasts from her perspective will be more noticeable.
Me:52
W: 52
Married: 32 yrs
2 Sons (29 & 23)
1 Dtr (20)
1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl
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Key is to muster enough Plan A as long as your energy can hold out without expecting your needs to be met and (most importantly) without LB. Tough to do but nevertheless the longer you do a Plan A, the increased effectiveness of Plan B. The contrasts from her perspective will be more noticeable.
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Odd, WW has not contacted me in 2 days. Ever since she sent those text messages the other night.
Hard to plan A her with absolutely no contact. lol
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
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Posts: 1,018
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Hi Rusty, Don't worry... sometimes when they are "quiet" they are doing some serious thinking.. Thinking is good for the fog...  Part of Plan "A" is not pushing...And also... weekends are quiet here so I'm sure others will arrive back Monday.. Good Luck and Prayers... Frank
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Just odd, she hasnt called the kids or anything since Tuesday. She never goes more than 2-3 days without talking to them.
Her dad is coming to town late next week, she is probably focused on that.
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
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Me/WS 32
H 32
M 6 years, together 12
D-Day 3/8/09
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Went over to WW today for a bit. She asked me to come fix a flat tire for her.
WW is looking for a new job, says it is too far to drive for that one now with where she lives. I hope so. Maybe that will drag her [censored] out of the fog.
Any good advice on what I need to do?
BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
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