I'm starting this thread now. My guess is that exww keeps up by getting email updates of my old thread or name, so I'm hoping this one will not bring her here, but what can I do if she does?

Had a great weekend with the kids. Took advantage of the nice weather and went to a barbeque with friends who live nearby.

The hour time change threw me off and we missed church because of it. Didn't have enough time to make everyone breakfast and get them ready for church.

Took the kids out to ride their bikes afterwards and DD6 now rides without training wheels! She's very proud of this.

It's the milestones of life and thrilling to see.

I've been chewing on the possibility of introducing my GF to the kids. It's been 5 months now and this relationship has a lot of promise. What do you guys think? Hold off a few more months?

Some pointers on staying anonymous - no personal stats - all she'd have to do is see "word meaning couple of kids born the same pregnancy" or age of children and she'd have you i.d'd let alone your allegiance to your "word meaning type of football" team.

I'd go very slowly on introducing the girlfriend to your children.

You're not emotionally neutral about your ex yet - she still gets under your skin. Not that you want her back - I get that you're over that part. But until you stop trying to teach her how to co-parent - until you can just let the parenting coordinator know there's another problem to be worked out but it doesn't drive you to humiliate your ex here by demonstrating what a wack-job she is at the moment, then you're not through and ready to safely introduce another relationship to your children.

At that point, there won't be anything for her to read here, because she's not going to find any drama ABOUT HER!

Dang- no fun anymore. no interest in continuing to look for your latest i.d. here anymore.

I don't have any input as to the timing of an introduction, it's probably a crap shoot no matter when it happens.

But, my YD said something to me last night about her father that I thought I would pass on to you. YD told me that when they do "family" things (exH, GF and DD's), it seems more like the kids are along for the ride while Dad and GF are on a date.

Even a recent trip to the zoo was because "GF had never been there", not because the kids enjoy it. Restaurants are picked for GF's enjoyment, the kids don't get a vote. It bothers the kids.

Not saying that you would ever do that, but I like to pass on divorce effects on kids from the "horse's mouth".

Good luck to you!

Introducing the GF to the kids is something you should be comfortable with...not forced into. If the relationship you now have is what you like then it's not a bad idea to introduce everyone. Keep it simple, fun, and light. You don't have to give them the impression "this is your new mommy".

If you have the chance and you're comfortable with it then introduce at a family gathering. That way the kids will see all of your family interacting and it may not seem as intimidating to them. That's how it was done for me and my GF and her kids.

If family event is not possible then try meeting your GF someplace that the kids like. The kids will feel they have someplace to "retreat to" if they become bored or uncomfortable.

Absolutely excellent advice about the GF and the kids feeling like they're on a date.

I strongly believe in having the girlfriend present for activities for the kids at first.

There will be NO overnights with her while they are there.

She understands and accepts this. She also understands that there will be times when I want family time with them and only them.

And I have srong feelings about "family". She's not family till I marry her (or any woman). That's just my standard.

We've talked about this a few times. She understands that her role is more along the lines of an aunt or mentor than that of a mother, since they already have one. We've been chatting about things in general, but a woman's attitude about being a step parent is a big litmus test for me with anyone I date.

She has been putting NO pressure at all on me about the kids and about meeting them.

Any introductions would be slow. She'd join us for dinner at the park, for example.

Chuck E Cheese would be a common outing. Not really much of a date place.

As far as posting about the ex:

I feel there will regularly be drama with my ex. I vent here instead of to her. i also bounce ideas off of people in the forum.

Don't know if I'll ever see reason and amicability from the exww, but you never know.

Seems like lots of good advice for you, Red. I'll tuck some of the gems, like that one from Jean, away for my own use.

It sounds like you have the right attitude about things. Glad to hear it's going so well.

ETA: Venting here is the right thing to do. We get it. Others will get tired of it or take it the wrong way, and keeping it bottled up is probably even worse. Keep on venting.

So glad you revealed yourself. It was driving me :crosseyedcrazy: trying to figure out who you were in your former life.

As for the new GF... go slow, very very slow, with introducing her into your children's lives. You never know what they're thinking.

Extreme example: I don't know if you've kept up but my DD finally was able to escape her abusive live-in boyfriend (and the father of her two children) last year. She has begun seeing someone else (father is in prison). This new guy has become very entwined in my daughter's and my grandkids' lives.

The other day my 5-yr. old granddaughter told me that her "old" daddy is in jail and was wondering if her "new" daddy would hurt someone too and go to jail. No one had told her anything about the new guy becoming part of the family. As far as she knew (or we thought), he was just a new friend. Arghhh...

If DD and this new guy break up, my poor GD is going to think this is the way it works... or worse, get her little heart broken again.

Anyway, like I said, extreme example.

My plan is to introduce her as my girlfriend to the kids, but to limit it to one day out of the weekends that I have them and only for a few hours at first.

There will be minimal affection shown to her in front of them.

And I'll restate that I will never, ever, ever have her spend the night there while the kids are there. I strongly believe in being an example to the kids and having a woman I'm not married to stay the night is a big no no for me.

I tell anyone I date this right up front in case it's a problem. I also tell them that I will not live with anyone before I marry them. There are no "practice" marriages (rental agreements as SH calls them) for me.

I have plenty of free weeknights to go on dates with the GF. She will be very understanding of making the weekends about the kids and planning stuff for them.

Thanks for your post on my thread. I wanted to thank you for your service to our country. If I read your thread right, you are a former or currently military member.

You guys and gals put your lives on the line for the rest of us. We appreciate your sacrifice.

You have a good , solid moral foundation for your new relationships and your children. You can be proud of that.

I wish you the best of times with your children and your life.

Not in the service anymore, but thank you.

I asked the exww on Friday to bring the kids to me, per the terms of our order. I've normally picked them up, but exercised my right to ask for this on Friday.

Told her I could meet her halfway, which is actually closer to where she lives, or could meet her at the exit to my current town, which she has to pass through if she goes out around here. Not much near her so it wouldn't be unusual for her and her BF to come here to do stuff.

She told me to meet her halfway.

So I drove out, got the kids and started heading home.

She passed me on the way home, going into town. "Halfway" is a 30 minute drive for me versus meeting her at the exit, which is more like 10.

I shook my head at how inconsiderate she is, but simply shrugged it off. It really shouldn't surprise me anymore.

DD6 has been running a high fever this weekend. The boys are doing great.

I got a new cat to replace the one that recently died. He's 5, but had an accident in my living room. I put him in the bathroom with his box until I could see that he used it and am hoping that is good enough to get him adjusted. Never had to train a cat at all before. I had always just stuck them in their box when they got home and they always seemed to find them.

I guess you can't teach an old cat new tricks.

Ok, new challenge.

All the kids this weekend (without my prompting) have been telling me that mommy told them that she doesn't believe in God.

I'm trying to raise them with beliefs and would be happy if they grew up Catholic, but would be happy with beliefs of ANY kind (within reason).

So how do I handle this? I was given the legal custody of the kids when it came to religious matters.

Any ideas?

Not really much you can do there is there Baron.

She prob does it cause she knows it ticks you off. Maybe ask her not to say that in front of the kids, but she'll prob ignore you or get indignant, i.e. "I am not going to lie to my children!!!"

I had this same issue with my kids. My WW told my kids she thought the Bible was a bunch of made-up stories written by people drinking absinth and doing drugs.

I didn't get angry, I just thought for a few seconds and told them that we should all pray that Mommy finds a relationship with God and that he shows himself to her and changes her heart. That we need to pray for her everyday.

Then I went into some personal stories about how God has changed my life and how it affected me and them, and some reasons why we knew that God was real and read a little of the bible.

They took it as a project to pray for mommy everyday that God would save her.

I hope that helps. You certainly can't insist your WW believe in God. It would be nice if she didn't try to poison your kids minds though.

Maybe tell your kids that everyone has different beliefs - that's why there are different religions, and some people don't believe in God at all. It's important for them to make up their own minds, then say "well I believe 'x', what do you think about that?"

Broken, I'm not super religious, but I believe that people are generally better off believing SOMETHING. That's my feeling and it is a criticism of the parenting style that doesn't teach them anything with the idea that kids will choose for themselves when they get older.

Ends up raising kids that don't believe in anything.

I subscribe to even having atheists teach Kensian philosophy if that suits them, but SOMETHING.

She doesn't believe in Santa or the tooth fairy or the Easter Bunny either, but plays along with that. She could just as easily do so for God and help to keep the kids from getting confused.

The other option is to pray for her, as has been suggested.

All I ask is to not contradict what I'm teaching them in terms of faith. I have had to, afterall, accept that a public school education in one of the worst states in the country is what the kids are stuck with for the near future. I don't sit there and bad mouth the school system to the kids. Gotta make the most of it.

Live and let live and that's what I'm asking for and nothing more.

We have a session on Tuesday with the parenting coordinator and I might bring it up then and simply ask that she not teach the kids something that is totally contradictory to what I'm teaching them. I WAS given final say in religious matters by the court.

I also don't want a situation where I have the kids praying for Mommy as if something is wrong with her.

Is it too much to ask for her to simply deferr those questions or issues to me?

I'd just say:
I know you said that mommy doesn't believe in God, but I think it's important for you to know that each person has his own way to talk about the higher power that they look up to. I think it's a lot easier to give God a kind of a 'face' or 'name' so you can talk to him more easily. What do you do when you say your prayers at night? Do you start with 'Dear God?' I hope you do, because he'll be able to hear you better, you'll get his attention.'

This kind of takes it away from talk about what mommy believes, and redirects it to their pre-established beliefs. And to what you believe. They'll want to emulate you, I promise. Because your version is giving them comfort.

Hey Baron. Now everyone knows who you are, you should delete your UN from your first post.

JUST IN CASE.

Hey Baron, I had been wondering where the pre you had gone, now I know I agree with Karma tho, enuff people should know by now I think.

Today is the 3 year anniversary of my D. I guess that might be why I'm a little extra salty.

Celebrating by watching a Bond film with the new girlfriend. Perhaps I should have some cake to mark the occasion of my liberation from dealing with a hypochondriac WW.

I didn't want it at the time and wish I had done things differently and secured my rights as a dad, but I'm much happier than I think I would be had I actually had a real attempt on her part at recovery.

((( hugs )))

I look forward to the day I can say it's been x years since my D.

Good for you and thanks for all your help.