She made you promise to ignore your own safety.
She made you promise to have no integrity.
She made you promise to be a conflict avoider.
She made you promise to allow her to lie to you.

I want to elaborate a bit further.

You are in a very bad situation, partly of your own doing.

Your WW is being disrespectful towards you and abusing you, and you are giving in to her demands. Guess what's going to happen? She's going to lose even MORE respect for you (if that's possible) and become even more abusive in her behaviour. Next step is likely inviting OMs into your home while you're there, even though there is apparently an "agreement" in place to not let the children in on what's happening (which is absolutely ridiculous - children are not stupid, you know!).

Worse yet, your parents are actually advising you to accept that abuse from your WW!

The BEST thing you can do for your kids now is to get your WW out of your life as quickly as possible, until she becomes a FWW.

Jaruuk,

Sometimes we have to question our parents. They are not always right. We all agree they are wrong.

Does this agreement seem rational to you?

It is irrational to all of us.

It is absolutely absurd to allow your WW to keep a separate love life.

Someone who loves their children, wants them to grow up to have healthy, happy relationships, this is impossible if you allow this situation to continue.

They won't have a clue how to be committed to a M. They will cheat, lie, cheat, lie, since this is only what they know.

Look she says she will never reconcile. In the first place, she doesn't know what she'll do yet. You cannot live this way. You or your children. Do you think for a moment, that if you both start dating that your marriage isn't over? Be serious. Don't listen to your parents. Divorce her. Your children will learn what marriage is like from you. Do you want your daughter cuckholding some man. Or your son being a serial cheater. Divorce her now.

Yes that's stupid. That's the worst thing for the kids. Important thing is to stay together but must be morally right. She may reconcile. I should have said I'm not in her heart right now and she's not sure I can ever go back in. But I must try.

I will give her (and me) a month cooling off period, let her cool off and allow contact. She just got back after 7 months. Think a month is reasonable. Then I will give her my terms. No contact and no new flames. Choose the kids or yourself.

Plus I will monitor her true intentions during the month. Does this sound better?

I had her parents back off. She was getting very unstable and was getting ready to go back to NY. She's not thinking straight, like someone on drugs. Willing to forget her kids and parents. That's why I want to allow contact temporarily.

How foolish!!!

Your "instincts" are terrible ...

No. All I forsee is more damage created for you, BY YOU, and your WW's footprints all over you. WAKE UP!

jaruuk, you are making serious strategic mistakes that will likely cost your marriage and hurt your legal standing in any potential court proceedings.

I know that your parents mean well, but it is clear they are not experienced in adultery. They dont' have the slightest notion what you are dealing with or how to solve it.

So continue plan A right now? Get her parents involved again? And let her make the decision now whether she chooses the kids or her selfish self?

Lets be thinkers together and examine this logic. If a drug addict is high on drugs, and practicing destructive behavior, is the answer to "allow contact temporarily" with the heroin?

Wouldn't that just keep the addict HIGH? Isn't that a NON-solution that only puts off the inevitable? Isnt that just how a CONFLICT AVOIDER would handle a problem?

Do you think that conflict avoidance tactics will solve your problem?

Agreed.
Jaruuk, you are largely ignoring what people are telling you here (although you may be showing signs of coming around), and heeding terrible advice from your parents, as well as your own misguided instincts.

A month cooling off period, during which you allow her to continue contact, is an appalling bad idea. And honestly, I am probably understating that. You will get nothing but a wife more withdrawn and probably smarter about taking you to the cleaners. Your wife has given you an absolute gift by ceding custody. You don't have to get a divorce, but you should immediately get legal documentation of that agreement so she cannot change her mind, take the kids, take half your paycheck, and move out of state.

It may seem counter intuitive to you, but taking these steps now will be MORE likely to restore your marriage, because women respond to strength in men, and based on your posts here, you are being a Grade A doormat. Your wife will never return to you or reconsider your marriage under these circumstances.

I wouldn't worry about her parents right now. Do Plan A as long as you remember "the stick" of it too. Be strong. And yes, absolutely get it in writing that she surrenders her custody rights. Its just an insurance policy in the event she won't end the affair.

Forget about her parents. They know. If they want to put their heads in the sand that's on them. You can Plan A her (that doesn't equal Plan Doormat) as well as draw your boundaries that you aren't going to allow her to cool off, find herself, or whatever you want to call it so she can boink OM. WW sees you as weak because that's how you are acting. She threatens, you cave. Stop it. Take her up on her offer to give you the children and stand up for yourself.

How do you ensure NC? Me asking will piss her off and she will just continue. That's why I got her parents involved. The thing she feared most.

In the keylog she told OM if I didn't agree to her terms she would go to NY. So if that's the case then just let it happen and let the marriage end? And do it now?

You will not be able to ensure NC right now. But that is not the same thing as actively sanctioning it. You said that she told you that she would either surrender the kids to you and go to NY, or live together for several years while you date other people. I highly recommend that you take the first option and before she can change her mind.

The OM is in NY so there's no boinking. Would someone mind giving me a step by step action plan? I need all the help I can get. In keylog she told OM that if I didn't accept her terms then I was selfish. She's so fogged up. And I am too. Thanks for all the advice.

What did she actually say to you about surrendering custody of the kids?