That she would let me take care of them. But that's her most important thing. I'm not sure she can actually do that.

I would do whatever you had to in order to get that documented, even if it required that you pretend like you wouldn't interfere with the affair.

Normally, it may not be the type of thing she would do, but as you can see, in the throes of an affair, people do all sorts of things that seem crazy. If there was ever an opportunity to ensure that you keep the kids, this is it.

Here is a step

Since you can't stop her, get it in writing that you have 100% custody of the kids and that she is abandoning them. If you are right that she will change her mind, then you will have a great bargaining chip and more importantly you will be able to protect your children.

I think he may hurt his chances by calling it abandonment, even though it is. The goal here is to get her to sign the paperwork that surrenders custody of the kids to him. I think he should be as nice and accommodating as possible until she signs that paper. If she changes her mind and won't sign it, I think he should bring maximum pressure onto the affair. If she runs back to NY to get out of the house, then he can immediately consult with an attorney regarding abandonment.

Jaruuk, I think a keylogger will really help you here though. Especially since you have young children in the home that could use your computer, I believe you are well within your rights to keylog everything that occurs. Too bad for your wife if it just so happens to catch her laying out plans to run back to NY to be with her adultery partner. That kind of documentation could really help you get custody and prove abandonment.

Step 1: Visit a lawyer today or tomorrow and have him/her write up the agreement: I, ______, give my husband, _____, full custody of our children, ___, ____, and ____. I relinquish all legal rights to raising them until they reach age 18.

Step 2: Meet with her and have her sign it.

Step 3: Take it to your lawyer for safekeeping.

Step 4: Prepare a list of requirements it will take for you to be willing to allow her to come back and live with you and the kids:

• Write a No Contact letter to OM that you approve and you send.
  
• Provide you a list of all passwords to all email/Internet/phone accounts in her possession.
  
• Total transparency provided to you upon request, any time you ask for it. This involves telling you when she leaves work, telling you where she is going at all times, and no Independent Behavior.
  
• She signs a prenuptial agreement henceforth, agreeing that if she engages in another affair (definition: spending time with another male that is not sanctioned, known, and agreed upon by you), she will leave the marriage with nothing but what she brought into it.
  
• Whatever else anyone here wants to add that you choose.

Step 5: Meet with her, present her the list and ask her if she is ready to live with her kids again; if so, sign here; if not, you will help her pack.

Step 6: Depending on her decision, move forward. If she refuses to sign AND refuses to move out, move her out FOR her. Pack her bags and leave them on the driveway; call her AND her parents, and tell them the bags are there and will remain there until ____ (3 days forward), at which time you have called the Salvation Army to come for a pickup - which will include all her belongings. HER choice on whether to get them or not.

Oh, and go find Monc's thread in General Questions III. It's only 5 days long, and he started out JUST LIKE YOU - afraid to anger his wife, and he followed our advice. And it worked.

Already keylogging that's how I know so much.

Should I threaten OM to let his parents and job know. He can get fired. To stop contact. But shell be furious.

In other words this is plan B. Thanks for letting me see the light. It was never my decision to make. Hers and only hers. Thanks all.

This is not Plan B, this is protecting your children from her behavior during her A. You can still Plan A from a distance if you want to, even in a plan A the BS gets to say what they want and that the continued A is a deal breaker.

CatPerson,

I like the plan, seems like real protection for the children. I would probably wait until she has moved out and then go to the courts to get an actual custody order. I would also consult the best attorney you can find for the post-nup. You may be better off to construct an actual legal separation agreement at this point.

Mothers do have alot of rights but it can be done. I have complete custody at this point, in fact xWW is not even allowed to see the children without my permission. Of course, she never even asks to see or speak with them.

You should have already TOLD OM's parents! Why haven't you?! Is your wife at his job? Then by all means, you should have already told the job, too!

Today!

Waa waa. Poor baby.

"How was I supposed to know that if I decide to scr&w another man whilie I'm married I might end up losing my job, losing OM's job, and having my family and friends hate me? And lose my kids? IT JUST ISN'T FAIR!!! WAAAAA!!!"

jaruuk, IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO WORRY ABOUT MAKING YOUR WIFE MAD. SHE HAD THE AFFAIR! SHE CHOSE THIS MESS.

TJ:

6, is she back now?

Met with lawyer. Doesn't help with custody. Moving to plan b.

Jaruuk,
I would not do anything to anger her until she signs some legal agreement to give you sole custody of the kids. Either she signs it or she doesn't. Then you expose this everywhere and blow her affair up. Never give warning or threaten. The first indication that WW and OM should have that you exposed is when they get called into their bosses' offices.

CatPerson,

Not back, it is sad. And Sam's baby is coming in 2 weeks at the most. He says he does not want her there but I'm sure it will just add to his hatred of her.

This is not Plan B. Expose to OM's friends and family, work any anywhere else you can that will have a negative impact on the A. Is OM married?

Listen - you never, never, never, never, never, NEVER "threaten" exposure. Exposure is something that you either do, or don't. Threatening to do it just telegraphs your plans to your enemies and diminishes the effectiveness of any actual exposure.

Your parents are very, very wrong.

Jaruuk, How are you doing. Just caught up on your posts. How is plan B working? Has her fog lifted at all? If it hasn't get her to sign over custody ASAP. Then you will be free to try to sabotage the relationship. Has she gone to visit him yet?