I was thinking about the train wrecks here and posted another thread in the "recovery" forum.

And in re-reading the "welcome" statement above i got to thinking:

"Please Note: With the exception of the Marriage Builders® Weekend Private forums, the advice offered on these forums is offered by your peers - it is NOT professional advice and should not be taken as such. If you want professional advice, please look at information about the Marriage Builders® Coaching Center."

Obviously we are NOT professional counselors or mental health experts. But I'm here just about every morning catching up on threads and updating my own.

Why do I come to this forum?

My own history is filled with so many in-services, training sessions & ed-sessions that I can't keep track of them any more. 20+ year in higher education exposed me to countless sessions on relationships, woman’s issues, racial issues, leadership, conflict mediation, advising, teamwork, team-building, group dynamics, birth-order, alcohol abuse, personality disorders, etc., etc., etc.

I've taken masters level courses in counseling and worked side-by-side with counselors in training. You would think I would have this stuff figured out by now. Nope.

An old professor said this to my long ago, but I keep forgetting, neglecting his wise words -- it's far easier to look outward and examine other peoples lives than it is to look inwards and examine your own.

Why am I here?

I'm here to validate my thoughts and feelings. I'm here to compare my situation to others in the same boat. I'm here to gauge my progress vs. my brethren/sisters. And I'm here to lend support where I can.

I'm here to get and give support during the worst time of my life. It helps me feel like I am not alone and helps me get through the pain by connecting with others that are farther along in this terrible process. I am inspired by the people who are farther along in their recoveries. It helps me have hope that I can save my marriage and reconnect with the man that I have loved for the last 9 years as my soulmate.

To serve as an example of just how bad things can really go.

That's it in a nutshell. I didn't not find MB until after FWH and I were already in recovery. I hope that may own experience can perhaps spare a newly BS some of the pain I went through. Pre-MB I felt very alone and was second guessing myself everyday...not quite sure what "normal" was. I thought FWH's A was a pathelogical liar and THE most messed up man on the planet...then I read others' stories ...kind of a mix of comforting that what I was feeling was normal and others understand yet disturbing that so many people were living this nightmare.

Adultery rocks a BS to the core. Strangely enough the kindness of strangers reassures me that not all humanity and decency is lost.

Same reasons as everyone else has stated above this post.

Sometimes you can laugh when you never thought you ever could again and that is because of the people here. Sometimes you just get the support to go ahead and cry or scream. I was always the support for everyone else I knew but now, when I am here in this position, none of those people know what to do or say so they avoid it and many of them avoid me. !!Chickens!!

I hope one day I can be of support to others having learned from everyone here who is now supporting and teaching me. Pass it on.

((((hugs)))) to everyone here, you all will never know what you have done and are doing daily for me.

Same here. I found MB months before I discovered my FWH's EA, but didn't read on here until after d-day.

I haven't been in here in some time...and my vists are few and far between over the last couple of years.
MB was my haven when my H was in the midst of his A.
Without MB and the great people here I don't think that I would have been able to make it and make the changes within myself that needed to be made...and for that I am a better person.
Granted...I didn't follow a lot of the MB rules...but I took what worked for me...and now...9 yrs later our marriage is better than it's ever been.

I come back to post ever so often...thinking that maybe someone can take something of what I say and use it to make things "work" for them during one of the horrific times of their lives.

Because ths place is like a Fungus......It grows on ya...

I agree with other posts and would add it's comforting coming to a community who understands what you have been through and can support you through each stage of recovery. It's difficult to get that kind of support outside your home. Coming here also offers a unique glimpse into the opposite sex's mind. I have a new respect for men.

GG