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I'm just taking it one day at a time - watching for this time to be different. I can't go through another affair - or a continuation of an affair. I am trying to keep my eyes open and not believe too much of the "sweet-talk". I am allowing some time for fog to clear but after that...
Over it.
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You're in the beginning. I'm sorry, I remember how bad that was. How emotionally sick I was.
My problem is, I want to believe the "Sweet talk". I want to feel the closeness with him.
I don't want my heart ripped out again though so I'm having a very hard time letting down the huge wall that I've built up over 19 years.
BS(me) 45
F?WH 41
Married almost 19 years (6/1990)
DDay 1 April 13,2008
DDay 2 August 8,2008
S25 ~ SSgt USAF, currently deployed to Iraq
S15
D9
Me46
FWH42
Married 19 yrs
EA 4/07 - 4/08
(Confirmed by polygraph that it had not gone PA)
Dday1 4/13/08
Dday2 8/8/08
S26
S16
D10
Trying to Recover
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I am very new to all of this. My natural instinct for the last 10 years has been to believe the "sweet-talk". It is what I want to do also. It is a lot nicer than the reality that I have now - the discovery of many lies. I have to learn how to put the wall up to keep from being completely destroyed. My husband will have to break down the wall with sincere loving actions. I still like the sweet words but no longer believe them without actions to back them up. Hoping that once the fog clears, I will have a husband that I want. I don't like the husband that I have now. I have so little respect for him.
Over it.
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My problem is, I want to believe the "Sweet talk". I want to feel the closeness with him.
I don't want my heart ripped out again though so I'm having a very hard time letting down the huge wall that I've built up over 19 years. In order to get back that trust we as betrayed spouses once enjoyed, I believe that we really have to put our spouses to the test and allow them enough rope to hang themselves. What I mean is, that we have to behave as we can trust them and let them know that we trust them... just watch what they do very intently. The more that our spouses can demonstrate to us that they're committed to the marriage, the easier it is to have that peaceful & easy feelings we had with them at one time. My wife refused to go out drinking with her toxic girlfriend on St. Pat's day... Although this was a long standing tradition, she knew that it would be something I wouldn't like. The wife scored a bunch of points with me on that one. My trust in her and her new bounderies has grown. I see this as a work in progress, but the trust is building.
WH - 44
FWW - 50
Married - 2005
d-day - 12/4/2008
NC since 12/13/2008
Her d-day 4/22/2009
Divorcing.
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In order to get back that trust we as betrayed spouses once enjoyed, In hindsight, I don't think that I ever truly trusted my F?WH because of his flirting and being inappropriate with other women. BS(me) 45 F?WH 41 Married 6/1990 DDay1 April 13,2008 DDay2 August 8,2008 S25 ~ SSgt USAF currently deployed to Iraq S15 D9
Me46
FWH42
Married 19 yrs
EA 4/07 - 4/08
(Confirmed by polygraph that it had not gone PA)
Dday1 4/13/08
Dday2 8/8/08
S26
S16
D10
Trying to Recover
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It's the years and years of not having my EN meet, even after I told him often what they were.
It's the years (18 years, the entire time that we've been married) of his flirting and being inappropriate with other women, even with me asking him not to, that it was wrong and disrespectful to me and our marriage.
It's the years of him telling me what I wanted to hear then him doing what ever he wanted to do.
It's the years of him NOT taking care of me, being there when I needed him. It's the times I was left standing in the rain with a flat tire because work was too important and he couldn't leave to come help me.
It's the playing golf with his work buddies, 3 days after I came home from the hospital with our daughter. After I'd been up all night with her then had a 4 year old to take care of too. His reason....."What am I going to tell the boys?"
That he wants me to just stop thinking about this [censored], that he can't take it much longer.
I told him last week that I want him to take a polygraph. I need to know.....no, that's not right, I HAVE to know, that he is telling the truth. That he has told me everything that went on during that year+ with the skank and that he is not talking to her now, for me to start moving forward. (I have a hard time believing that it was only an EA when it lasted that long and because of some of the things that I found in their emails to each other)
Now?.....he talks the talk. But he doesn't necessarily walk the walk. He tells me he loves me, he gives me cards and flowers every now and then, he helps with the kids and the house. He shows affection.
He's done nothing, not taken the initiative, though to get us through this. He didn't reseach and find the MC, didn't buy the books, doesn't come to MB...nothing. He waits until I bring things to him. Sooooo....how committed is he to recovery?
Sorry for dumping, once I got started I couldn't stop!
JoJo Are we married to the same man? [/quote] He sounds exactly like I was for 26 years. But now I am working the program like my life depends on it, because it does. We are embarking on a life-long project that I know will work as long as I am committed and determined over the rest of my natural life. Sounds like your spouse is on his last legs. He is not committed. Unless he has an epiphany in a hurry, you should prepare for the worst. The polygraph ought to do it. But you simply have to give him an ultimatum. Polygraph or divorce, and carry through with it. He has to spill his guts and demolish his ego. Then you can begin.
FWH, age 63. 24 years of narcissistic behavior, infidelity, and emotional abandonment of my BS, age 57, DancesWithGoats (DWG). D-day two years ago, leading to emotional breakdown. Been working MB program and toward spiritual transformation and personal growth since then, with some slow but real progress. DWG still with no trust, but with grief starting to subside a bit.
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Hello JoJo, The post that you wrote is very telling of your situation... Your WH is doing what many, many WS do... give just enough where it seems it's YOUR fault if you complain of their lack of participation in the marriage. In the beginning Mrs.Flint would even remember the date the last time she did even the smallest kindness for me so that she could "demonstrate how she was meeting my needs"... it wasn't til SHE "got it" that she realized that a DESIRE TO HEAL THE MARRIAGE was necessary that we began to make progress. Just going through the motions with cards, flowers, etc isn't going to help you to heal from years of abuse through neglect. YOU MUST SEE THEIR DESIRE TO HEAL THE MARRIAGE OR IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THEY DO, YOU WILL NEVER HEAL!!! Your husband must do what I explained to Mrs.Flint, EITHER GET IN THE BOAT OR OUT, BUT NO MORE STANDING ON THE DOCK!!! That is when I demanded that she start doing MB with me or I was done... There was no POJA to it... Just like I wouldn't do POJA with a drug addict or an alcoholic either... Someone had to take control of the marriage and drive and I decided it would be me or I was going to get out of the car (marriage). It may come down to that with your WH... You may have to consider telling him we do MB, either a MB weekend or at least phone counseling or you may have to reconsider your marriage. Only you know how much you can take, but you will have to do it before you lose all love for him or it won't matter one way or the other. I think you should drive.  God bless. Jim
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Hey Greenmile, There's no need for an ultimatum. He has said he will do the polygraph. I am going to call about it this week. I may have given the wrong impression. My H is working on our marriage. My problem is that he hasn't taken the initiative at all during this whole thing. From DDay on, I've the one that researched and found the MC, all the books, MB's, etc. Does this mean he doesn't care and is just following the motions or is he just lazy? I did tell him last week that he talks the talk but he does walk the walk and he needs to. His reason is that he doesn't know how to "do this". I suggested that he come here and ask the questions that he has of all of you that have been in his position. A week later, he still hasn't done it...  Now what? BS(me)45 F?WH 41 Married 6/1990 DDay1 4/13/08 DDay2 8/8/08 S25 ~ SSgt USAF currently deployed to Iraq S15 D9
Me46
FWH42
Married 19 yrs
EA 4/07 - 4/08
(Confirmed by polygraph that it had not gone PA)
Dday1 4/13/08
Dday2 8/8/08
S26
S16
D10
Trying to Recover
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Posts: 558
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Hi Jim! You're right in a lot of way. For the past 7 months there has been many times that I have said "I need...." and his response is "There's no way for us to keep up at this pace". and what I say to that is "There's no way for us not to". Here is part of what I sent him last week. This was 2 days after I told him that I was leaning towards divorce. He got anger during the conversation which made things much worse for me. Over the past months, you have been saying all the right things but your actions don't match your words. This is what I hear then see:
Ø You tell me that you love me, but you don't hold me or try to comfort me when I'm upset about things in our marriage.
Ø You tell me that you love me, but you get angry when I voice my honest feelings and pain about the situation.
Ø You tell me that you understand why things bother me, but you don't give reassurance when I say something bothers me or when you know it does even if I don’t say anything.
Ø You say that you don’t hug/hold me when I’m upset because you don’t want me to push you away but I’ve only done that once and look what I got for doing it.
Ø You say that you want our marriage to work but you don't search out the answers of how, on your own, you wait for me to bring things to you.
Ø You say that our marriage is important to you but since last April, you have sat back and let me do all the research and leg work for repairing our badly broken relationship. (finding Dr Thornton, the books, the articles, MB’s, etc.) Yes you have participated and worked on it, but I don’t feel like you have taken any initiative on your own to find answers and bring them to me. Am I wrong? It took both of us to get to this point, it should take both of us to find the things to make it better.
Do you see why I’m so confused? Do you see why I’m leaning toward divorce? To me, your words do not match your actions.
I need for you to know that I want more than anything for us to work, for our marriage to be strong and all this other stuff to be old news. I want to be happy and for this crap not to bother me. I want to go to work everyday and not worry and wonder where you are, who you’re with and what you’re doing. I want to trust you. I want to trust you with my heart. I want to be able to let my guard down with you. I want to forgive you and I want you to forgive me.
I need you to help make these things happen though. I need your support and comfort, not your anger and defensiveness. I need you to research and find answers for yourself on how to deal with this. I want you to join the MB’s forum and ask the questions that you have of those that have already been through this. You need to ask your own questions and get your own answers, I do. Those people have been a huge help to me and I think that they would be to you too. They’ve been where we are.
I need to know that what you are telling me, about what went on and whether it’s still happening, is true. I want you to take a polygraph. I want you to prove to me in the only way that I know how, that what you have told me is the truth.
Seven months after your last contact, that I know of, it’s something that I need. It’s a deal breaker for me. I’m sorry, it’s something that I need for you to do, something that will put my mind at ease and prove to me that you are telling the truth. I also told him that I wanted him here, at MB. That he can ask his questions here and get the answers and help that he needs. 5 days later and he still has not done it A MB weekend is out of the question right now, we are barely paying our bills and both of our 401K's are almost non-existant, they have lost so much due to the stock market. I don't think we can swing the phone counseling either. JoJo BS(me)45 F?WH 41 Married 6/1990 DDay1 4/13/08 DDay2 8/8/08 S25 ~ SSgt USAF currently deployed to Iraq S15 D9
Me46
FWH42
Married 19 yrs
EA 4/07 - 4/08
(Confirmed by polygraph that it had not gone PA)
Dday1 4/13/08
Dday2 8/8/08
S26
S16
D10
Trying to Recover
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Hey Greenmile, There's no need for an ultimatum. He has said he will do the polygraph. I am going to call about it this week. I may have given the wrong impression. My H is working on our marriage. My problem is that he hasn't taken the initiative at all during this whole thing. From DDay on, I've the one that researched and found the MC, all the books, MB's, etc. Does this mean he doesn't care and is just following the motions or is he just lazy? I did tell him last week that he talks the talk but he does walk the walk and he needs to. His reason is that he doesn't know how to "do this". I suggested that he come here and ask the questions that he has of all of you that have been in his position. A week later, he still hasn't done it... Now what? BS(me)45 F?WH 41 Married 6/1990 DDay1 4/13/08 DDay2 8/8/08 S25 ~ SSgt USAF currently deployed to Iraq S15 D9 Hi, Jojo. One thing I have learned is that all people and situations are different, and I cannot discount the possibility that your spouse is committed but too lazy, but the fact is that by not taking the intiative and lead in his own and your recovery, he is removing love units from your love bank. If you tell him that, and he continues to not take the lead, then he is not really committed. It is as simple as that. If he refuses to stop doing things that remove love units, your chances are zilch, nada, zero. Remember, I was the same guy, and I know where his head is at from your description. I am desperately working to expunge that guy from my soul forever, because there is no way for my marriage to survive otherwise. No one who is unwilling to stop making love bank withdrawals is really interested in saving the marriage. My guess is that his stated willingness to do a polygraph is a bluff. He knows it is expensive and a huge deal and is counting on you procrastinating on that forever and looking the other way. You simply have to do it and actually carry it out. Maybe that part I am wrong about also, but I doubt it. In one of my phone sessions with Steve Harley, he asked me, "who is responsible for my wife to love me?" The answer is ME. I am responsible. If he won't stop withdrawing love units, then he will never deserve your love, and your marriage is doomed. He is busting your chops by not taking the initiative. Really.
FWH, age 63. 24 years of narcissistic behavior, infidelity, and emotional abandonment of my BS, age 57, DancesWithGoats (DWG). D-day two years ago, leading to emotional breakdown. Been working MB program and toward spiritual transformation and personal growth since then, with some slow but real progress. DWG still with no trust, but with grief starting to subside a bit.
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Do you see why I’m so confused? Do you see why I’m leaning toward divorce? To me, your words do not match your actions. Hi JoJo! That is exactly the same response that I received early from Mrs.Flint... She absolutely REFUSED to have anything to do with MB before I DEMANDED it... I had tried printing off the questionaires and articles but they were not really received with much interest... You mentioned not having a lot of money right now for a MB weekend or phone counseling so you might try what we did... I too had been looking for an alternative way and finally hit on something that got the ball rolling... I looked for posts in the discussion forum that were similar to ours and printed off the ENTIRE thread... And I asked her NOT IF, BUT WHEN would she would like to sit down and read them with me??? It was kind of strange, but after reading DOZENS of the posts with her and seeing the same questions from others and also the answers from EVERYONE that had helped, she started to see the addiction (affair) for what it was and what needed to be done to help each other to heal from it. MOST IMPORTANTLY, I DIDN'T TRY TO "FIX HER"... I let her heal herself, I just showed her the way through MB... I let her read and digest it at her own rate, and answered her questions for her. If I didn't know the answer I told her I would get on MB and find out for us. It was an amazing thing but when we would have an argument after that time, she would literally tell me "why don't you get on MB and find out for us how to deal with this!" Not in a sarcastic way, but as an honest question to find the answers for us. I think that maybe you could try the same, letting him see you guys aren't the only ones going through this and that there IS a way out of this for you and happiness at the end. Jim
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My guess is that his stated willingness to do a polygraph is a bluff. He knows it is expensive and a huge deal and is counting on you procrastinating on that forever and looking the other way. You simply have to do it and actually carry it out. Maybe that part I am wrong about also, but I doubt it. I have thought the same thing. There's no putting it off anymore as far as I'm concerned. I've come to the point where this is something that has to be done. There is no moving forward for me until it is.... In one of my phone sessions with Steve Harley, he asked me, "who is responsible for my wife to love me?" The answer is ME. I am responsible. If he won't stop withdrawing love units, then he will never deserve your love, and your marriage is doomed. He is busting your chops by not taking the initiative. Really. I agree. And by not "taking the initiative" to bring something to the table to help our marriage, he is making LB withdrawals. Part of this is my fault as I haven't share a lot of the MB ways with him. That's also going to change as of tonight.
Me46
FWH42
Married 19 yrs
EA 4/07 - 4/08
(Confirmed by polygraph that it had not gone PA)
Dday1 4/13/08
Dday2 8/8/08
S26
S16
D10
Trying to Recover
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I looked for posts in the discussion forum that were similar to ours and printed off the ENTIRE thread...
And I asked her NOT IF, BUT WHEN would she would like to sit down and read them with me??? I have also done this. I give him a thread to read then we discuss. It was kind of strange, but after reading DOZENS of the posts with her and seeing the same questions from others and also the answers from EVERYONE that had helped, she started to see the addiction (affair) for what it was and what needed to be done to help each other to heal from it. I don't know that he's gotten this far yet. He says he knows what he did was wrong, is sorry, never meant to hurt me, will never do anything to hurt me ever again, etc but I'm not completely sure that he "gets" that he had an EA. That he "gets" exactly what he did. This is not exceptible to me. We've had numerous discussions, some heated about this. I'm not sure that he really agrees what an EA is or he's just saying he does so that he doesn't have to talk about it anymore. MOST IMPORTANTLY, I DIDN'T TRY TO "FIX HER"...
I let her heal herself, I just showed her the way through MB... I am not trying to fix him either. I'm attempting to give him the tools to fix himself. I do not want that responsibility nor can I ever "change" him or anyone else. I let her read and digest it at her own rate, and answered her questions for her. If I didn't know the answer I told her I would get on MB and find out for us.
It was an amazing thing but when we would have an argument after that time, she would literally tell me "why don't you get on MB and find out for us how to deal with this!"
Not in a sarcastic way, but as an honest question to find the answers for us.
I think that maybe you could try the same, letting him see you guys aren't the only ones going through this and that there IS a way out of this for you and happiness at the end. He also has suggested me asking questions of you guys on MB which I have done. He needs to come here himself though and ask his own questions and get his answers. I am tired of being the one to do all the work on this marriage. I'm tired of being the one to bring everthing to him. It makes me feel like he's disconnected and only engaged when I approach him with information. We almost NEVER discuss our marriage unless I bring it up. With all that said, don't get me wrong. He is VERY affectionate and Loving which is something that he's never been pre-A. He does at least 50%, sometimes more, of what needs to be done with the house and the kids....this is also something that he's never done before. He is meeting my EN's (we did do the questionarre)and as far as I know I'm meeting all of his. He just doesn't get the rest and I truly believe that he does not want to take the hard look at himself that he needs to do because he's afraid of what he will see
Me46
FWH42
Married 19 yrs
EA 4/07 - 4/08
(Confirmed by polygraph that it had not gone PA)
Dday1 4/13/08
Dday2 8/8/08
S26
S16
D10
Trying to Recover
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I don't know that he's gotten this far yet. He says he knows what he did was wrong, is sorry, never meant to hurt me, will never do anything to hurt me ever again, etc but I'm not completely sure that he "gets" that he had an EA. That he "gets" exactly what he did. This is not exceptible to me. We've had numerous discussions, some heated about this. I'm not sure that he really agrees what an EA is or he's just saying he does so that he doesn't have to talk about it anymore. He just doesn't get the rest and I truly believe that he does not want to take the hard look at himself that he needs to do because he's afraid of what he will see Hi JoJo, I think that you are much closer to the truth than your WH wants you to be... I, like everybody else including yourself, think that there is MUCH more to your WH affair than he wants you to know. I think that his avoidance of the healing process is because he doesn't want to admit that he had an EA, or more likely a PA. The ONLY time that I have EVER heard of men having "only an EA" was when they were shut down by the woman. PA is how men usually connect both emotionally and physically during their affairs. I think your WH wants to bypass all of this "talking about it" because he doesn't want you to learn the truth. I'm afraid that until he confronts the truth, probably with a polygraph, you are going to continue to have a disengaged H who just wants it to all go away... Don't be discouraged, Mrs.Flint did the same thing FOR YEARS until I FINALLY got the truth. I wish I would have confronted her more vigorously with a polygraph than having to get trickle truth for a number of years. THE GOOD THING WAS WHEN SHE FINALLY CONFESSED SHE WORKED HER TAIL OFF WITH ME TO HEAL THE MARRIAGE!!! It doesn't matter HOW you get the truth, you just have to have it... Go ahead with the polygraph. Jim
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I, like everybody else including yourself, think that there is MUCH more to your WH affair than he wants you to know.
I think that his avoidance of the healing process is because he doesn't want to admit that he had an EA, or more likely a PA. God, I hope you're wrong. But there's this voice inside me that is saying the same thing. The ONLY time that I have EVER heard of men having "only an EA" was when they were shut down by the woman. PA is how men usually connect both emotionally and physically during their affairs. Tell me what you mean by "Shut down by the woman". I could have very well done this. I think your WH wants to bypass all of this "talking about it" because he doesn't want you to learn the truth. I'm afraid that until he confronts the truth, probably with a polygraph, you are going to continue to have a disengaged H who just wants it to all go away... He denies that he doesn't "just want it to go away" but I do get this 'feeling' from him when it is discussed Don't be discouraged, Mrs.Flint did the same thing FOR YEARS until I FINALLY got the truth. I wish I would have confronted her more vigorously with a polygraph than having to get trickle truth for a number of years.
THE GOOD THING WAS WHEN SHE FINALLY CONFESSED SHE WORKED HER TAIL OFF WITH ME TO HEAL THE MARRIAGE!!!
It doesn't matter HOW you get the truth, you just have to have it...
Go ahead with the polygraph. I have. I emailed them today about how I go about setting this up. I want it done as soon as possible.
Me46
FWH42
Married 19 yrs
EA 4/07 - 4/08
(Confirmed by polygraph that it had not gone PA)
Dday1 4/13/08
Dday2 8/8/08
S26
S16
D10
Trying to Recover
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Exactly. The thing blocking him from taking the initiative is almost assuredly fear of exposure and fear of confronting his own demons and questioning his own ego. He thinks it is more likely to destroy the marriage than than save it. Here is what he thinks: Just meet some of your EN's, and you will be happy and forget all about it. And he can keep hiding.
I had several EA's before I retired, and I was too unaware or disengaged from what they actually meant and from love for anyone but myself to even realize they were A's until I learned they were from MB. None of those were PA's, but I was hiding actual infidelity with prostitutes and ended up in a sugar daddy relationship with one of them that resulted in a six year affair with her, because she started meeting all my EN's. I even convinced myself that she was something other than a skanky whore. Read my story. It is disgusting what I did for 26 years, for what I did to my spouse. Earlier in the marriage, I was a sucker for women flirting with me. And I refused to stop them, because I thought they were "innocent" even though my wife begged me to stop. I was withdrawing thousands of love units by doing this repetitively and refusing to stop. If I had been worth staying married to, I would have stopped those love busters immediately, but I was too self absorbed and egotistical to think that it was something that was MY fault, or that I should change ANYTHING about MYSELF. Astonishing. Your spouse is showing the same kind of attitude. I would guess that your spouse might be having only EA's with those particular women you know about, but that his mentality makes it likely that he is having PA's as well. He has to be busted and have a complete breakdown before he can engage you, himself, and the whole process. If he is worth saving, you have to do this.
FWH, age 63. 24 years of narcissistic behavior, infidelity, and emotional abandonment of my BS, age 57, DancesWithGoats (DWG). D-day two years ago, leading to emotional breakdown. Been working MB program and toward spiritual transformation and personal growth since then, with some slow but real progress. DWG still with no trust, but with grief starting to subside a bit.
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I, like everybody else including yourself, think that there is MUCH more to your WH affair than he wants you to know.
I think that his avoidance of the healing process is because he doesn't want to admit that he had an EA, or more likely a PA. God, I hope you're wrong. But there's this voice inside me that is saying the same thing. The ONLY time that I have EVER heard of men having "only an EA" was when they were shut down by the woman. PA is how men usually connect both emotionally and physically during their affairs. Tell me what you mean by "Shut down by the woman". I could have very well done this. Go ahead with the polygraph. I have. I emailed them today about how I go about setting this up. I want it done as soon as possible. Hi JoJo, Good job on setting up the polygraph!!! The question that you are asking in the polygraph of whether or not he had SF with that woman is very much a yes or no answer and likely to be finally answered. You asked what was meant by the phrase "unless it is shut down by the woman" in regards to if an affair had gone to PA rather than EA? It is regarding the fact that almost NEVER does a man turn down a sexually willing affair partner...which in reading the sexually charged e-mail messages she was...which means she probably didn't "shut it down" or turn him down to have SF with him. When looking at your first posts, unless I am mistaken, your WH had been sharing intimacy with her from September 2007 to June 2008 or more than nine months... That is a VERY LONG TIME to simply say I think you're cute too and not up the ante... especially with the way they were talking in the e-mails. Once again, GOOD JOB!!! on getting the polygraph set up, I wish I had saved Mrs.Flint and I all that wasted time by doing it. Hang in there!!! We did it and so can you!!! Jim
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 558
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Posts: 558 |
Oh no...she didn't shut him down at all. She enjoyed it.
I don't have the exact time frame of his A since he "Can't Remember" and "doesn't know" but the emails I found started sometime in the Spring/Summer of 2007 and went on until I found them in April 2008.
For me, the most telling part of this whole thing this is someone that he had no reason to have contact with at all. Then around the end of 2007 he's trying to get her hired at his busines and succeeds in February 2008.
There's just too much there and I will get answers with the polygragh. Not just about this but also about where there have been others during the 19 years of our marriage.
I will say now, if it gets down to the 11 hour and he refuses, I'M DONE!!! It's where I draw the line
Me46
FWH42
Married 19 yrs
EA 4/07 - 4/08
(Confirmed by polygraph that it had not gone PA)
Dday1 4/13/08
Dday2 8/8/08
S26
S16
D10
Trying to Recover
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 372
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 372 |
FWH, age 63. 24 years of narcissistic behavior, infidelity, and emotional abandonment of my BS, age 57, DancesWithGoats (DWG). D-day two years ago, leading to emotional breakdown. Been working MB program and toward spiritual transformation and personal growth since then, with some slow but real progress. DWG still with no trust, but with grief starting to subside a bit.
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 558
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 558 |
Greenmile and Jim,
I need some help deciding on the questions for the Polygragh. Can you help me? Here's what I have so far. I'm assuming that I will be able to ask 10 questions but I'm not sure yet as I haven't gotten a call back yet. I just want to be ready for this since I want it done ASAP...
(SOW = skanky other woman)
1. Are you now or have you ever had any physical contact, kissing, touching, Sex with SOW?
2. Have you ever had any physical contact with any woman other than your wife since you’ve been married?
3. Other than running into SOW in her building while with "male co-worker", has there been any other occasion where you have seen her?
4. Are you currently still in contact with her?
5. Have you spoken to her since she left employment at XX?
#5 is because DDay#2 was 8/8/08, he sent NC email to her on 8/10, she was on vacation from 8/11-8/15 then we were on vacation the following week. She left her job at H's work about 2 weeks after we got back from vacation. He swears that he has not talked/emailed/seen her since the NC letter on 8/10/08
Me46
FWH42
Married 19 yrs
EA 4/07 - 4/08
(Confirmed by polygraph that it had not gone PA)
Dday1 4/13/08
Dday2 8/8/08
S26
S16
D10
Trying to Recover
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