Anyone have experience with this? My wife of 20 years left me and three teen kids 3 weeks ago to another state 1100 miles away. She is living with her uncle and shows no sign of coming back. I'm ready for plan D. I post this here because sometimes plan A or B will not work because of a mental illness. I spent much time here on this message board until I realized the illness.

I personally have not experienced it, but I know someone who had a bipolar spouse who has different personalities depending on the phase. The guy suddenly became an entirely different person.

Plan D is probably where you are. I'm really sorry.These things have a way of working out in the long run.

I suspect my wife is borderline. I'm in the early stages of a divorce after I caught her cheating for the second time in a year. I suffered through a lot of verbal abuse in those 3 years. Also I had to deal with an almost child-like immature personality. It was like being married to a 12-year-old girl. I went for a divorce because I could see myself in your situation in the future.

I don't think people with mental disorders belong in marriages.

Last time I saw her the police were dragging her out to psychiatric because she was locked up in her room threatening to kill herself.

Good luck.

My mother suffered from borderline personality disorder. I could probably write a book on it, lol.

Did your father stay with her?

I wish I had a doctor to diagnose my wife so that I could have the peace of mind of saying, "Ah, that's what it was." Right now I'm just guessing.

My wife was extremely sensitive. And when she felt hurt she would get angry. When angry it is impossible to calm her down. And sometimes her rage would intensify and she would become vicious...not mean but vicious. She would say the most hurtful things imaginable. You would think she were possessed by a demon.

The final phase was lying and cheating.

I am currently divorcing my bipolar spouse and I suspect he has issues with personality disorders as well. No matter what kind of principles I tried to apply to my marriage nothing changed. Everytime I took one step forward he took 10 back. As MOwTin said it is like being married to someone that has a childlike maturity. Nothing was ever his fault, laws didn't apply to him, and any responsibilities that apply to a grown adult didn't to him. At a point I just realized that the constant drama was hurting my children and I felt like I was literaly dying inside. I was allowing this person to strip me of my self-respect and abuse me day after day.

I really think that unless a mentally ill person is willing to seek help and go into some serious long term therapy and stay on meds there is no shot in h*ll of making a marriage work. I don't think they are capable.

My advice is to do what protects you and your kids. She needs to deal with herself and if she just up and walked away, then maybe she just can not handle married and family life.

No, he didn't stay with her. He has his own issues though.

Extremely sensitive, vicious anger and lying and cheating do not necessarily mean she is BPD.

Have you been to bpdcentral.com? If that is still an active website they have alot of useful information.

My exH is a Narcissistic Sociopath...there is a lot of information on the internet, books, that can help you understand the disorder you are dealing with. In a lot of cases, there is no hope for M with one...in my case, I had to face that, much as I didn't want to, I couldn't deny it.
Do what you have to do to protect yourself and your children first and foremost. Set boundaries and enforce them. Do not let their anger and ploys affect you.

Valley,

for more information on this go to www.gettinbetter.com It has alot of info on boarderline women and men.

My WW fits the profile so well, reading some of it just scared me.

Holy crap. My wife is BPD! I've been reading up on the symptoms and diagnosis and she fits it exactly. Fear of abandonment being a major function.

I ordered a book I have yet to read called Splitting.
It's about how to divorce someone with BPD.
My X keeps dragging me back into court for no reason.
Do all you can to protect yourself and your children,
or they become pawns.
And the courts never see it or protect the children.

I feel obligated to respond, as I am bipolar. Normally, I am a high-functioning, intelligent, career and goal-minded, family-oriented asset to society. I've been in the same job for over 15 years, and hold a good title. BUT, and I say this with emphasis, BUT ONLY BECAUSE MEDICINE WORKS FOR ME. There was a time that I relapsed because the stress in my life sent my chemicals into a tizzy. I was useless. I took on repetitive behaviors. I had unknowingly harsh words to those that dared to care for me during that time. My doctor kept me at home for a month until my medications could be re-balanced. So, only with the right doctor, the right cocktail of meds, can there ever be hope of living a close-to-normal life.

This one is my ex...
http://books.google.com/books?id=Rau68YbcoDEC&pg=PA82&lpg=PA82&dq=narcissist+con&source=web&ots=MjLnr4vHBb&sig=a_gDBIY3X4wTq9oicMcLPZZV7RE&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=2&ct=result#PPA462,M1

Might I ask if chronic migraines were part of the BPD? I ask because our family doctor believes my wife is bipolar and an appointment with a specialist has been scheduled. She has migraines 2 or 3 times a week. Thanks.