My wife told me two months ago she was done and wanted a divorce. Was very matter of fact about it with very little emotion. Her reason was because I had been very negative and downright mean in arguments over intimacy and her lack thereof. I asked for a couple of weeks to prove that I could change and she granted me as much. Things turned around very quickly and she told me she was no longer thinking divorce after just a weekend.
I read The Love Dare and implemented it into our marriage. I also attended counseling on my own and still do. Despite all of this, my wife still has not been intimate with me - and I don't mean just sex. There is no passionate kissing or anything of the like. When I bring up the subject, she flies off the handle and then calms down and tells me she is sorry but she doesn't know why she cannot be intimate with me.
I have asked for forgiveness for acting like a jerk to her in the past, and she said she does not know if she can forgive me yet. I have not pushed her for a long-term commitment to me, but feel she is unwilling to make one should I ask. The counselor says I have done the right things and that only I can decide how long to stick it out trying to fill her love bank and not getting mine filled in return.
On a side note, our family physician believes my wife is bipolar and has asked her to seek an appointment with a specialist. She has agreed, but tells me there is nothing wrong with her; that I am the root of her problems.
The counselor says I should keep plugging away and doing the right things at least until the bipolar appointment, but I am starting to lose faith and am starting to feel afraid of exposing any more of my emotions in this relationship.
My wife and I have been married 10 years and have two young children. I REALLY want this to work, but am afraid it is too late, like she said two months ago...
Anyone else been at this point before?

have you asked her to see if you two could go to couples counceling?

insecurehusband,
Yes. And she is willing. But not until further diagnosis of her potential bipolar. It's an entire month yet until her appointment with a mental health specialist, and we are just trying to take one day at a time right now.

how are things going so far? i may not be a therapist or anything but i realized that if you can still make each other laugh and smile then you can work things out. do you think about her and realize as your thinking about her that youve got the biggest goofiest grin on your face?

You've been married 10 years, and you're ready to walk away in 3 months' time? Doesn't sound like love to me. Sounds like you want it to be convenient.

fwiw, women will take at least 6 months typically to learn to trust their husband has changed. It's just how we're built.

You should be proud of your wife for telling you the truth, and instead you are blaming her for not turning around to your satisfaction within a few weeks? Instead, you stop yelling at her and putting her down, and in two weeks you expect her to forget 10 years of resentment and anger?

And as soon as the doctor gives you an excuse to hang on your wife, you jump on it and say you won't do anything else on your side until she gets diagnosed? Why? So you can blame everything else on her?

How about taking a grown-up approach to this, developing a plan for YOU to learn why YOU were negative and mean to her, and work on eliminating THAT from your lives. Quit worrying about what she is doing.

catperson,
Thanks for the brutal honest opinion. I appreciate your perspective.

insecurehusband,
Thanks for asking. We have had a GREAT couple of weeks with really good lines of communication. Some of what she said is similar to what catperson said about it taking time. But she has reassured me that she is indeed in it for the long haul, and that makes it easier to not be constantly looking for signs of such commitment.
She has done the last two counseling sessions by herself and then we are to begin weekly joint sessions next week.
She believes she needs mental health treatment, and has told me she believes that is why she acted so drastically a couple months ago. I am not trying to pin all of this on that, but there is definitely something there. Heck, if I haven't caused it over the years I certainly have done nothing to help her in that area. Just being able to be honest about these things has made a world of difference, that and stopping to take time with one another with no distractions.

well that sounds pretty damn awesome, you guys seem to both want to work it out and are trying, thats like two steps in the right direction.