My wife and I are in the process of moving on from a recent blowup. We have been married 13 years. We have two children, 7 and 5.
I was responsible for the initial start of the problem, over the littlest of things. I let my selfishness and fear of insignificance in the relationship get the best of me. Probably some resentment from a previous blowup a year and half ago, as well.
Anyway, after a few choice words from both of us, my wife began pushing me. This has happened one time before. I lost my head this time though and began pushing back. Needless to say, things have not been normal since.
I apologized after it happened. I wrote her a letter taking responsibility for my actions and apologizing again. I have even sent her flowers and again apologized a few days later.
After the incident she chose not to sleep in the same bed together. I respect her boundaries in that, but she has not made any effort to apologize for her actions, nor has she been willing to come back to bed together.( I am not talking about sex). We engage in some small talk but not like it was previous to the argument. This has been going on for a month.

How do I move on from this? Do I offer another olive branch? I am dealing with my resentment and have pretty much moved on without an apology, however the sleeping arrangements have me stumped?

Sorry if this is not enough detail, hope someone who has experienced this would offer some advice. Thanks

well cdh i am lost here it sure is not enough detail as what kind of argument it was, was it ur fault or hers?do you acknowledge that it was all your fault?if that is the case then apologizing wouldn't hurt you. it seems ur wife was hurt very badly. is it often like this i mean you two keep on going off track and then back together. it seems your wife has lost truet and faith in this relationship. you need to build on that. have u people tried some counceling?you wife is in doubt of your honesty to save teh relationship here and she is pretty dishearted and this can take a while to heal. now u need to be very patient and persistent try not to lose ur calm and empathy. everytime you feel angry remember how she is feeling try to see things from her perspective.it would be useful to spend some time together why don't you people go somewhere to spend time togetherand find that lost bond. giver her small comments in everyday life and try to recall what were the things that made you both happy when you started going out together. talk about those thingsd visit those places so that that lost flame can become alive. all the best.

The argument started when I felt she was not understanding enough to let me finish a project before I went to help her with a project. I made the first negative remarks, therefore started the argument. I do not however feel that the back and forth exchange after that warrented her to begin pushing and getting physical. I was guilty of that as well. This kind of heated exchange has only happened twice that involved pushing, once on her part and this last time on both our parts.
We have a good relationship. There are times though we have to remind each other about our love banks getting low and addressing each others needs.
I understand your point about there needs to be more time for her to move on from this, I guess I am still a little baffled she doesn't appear to want to own her part in this or how her actions are affecting me. I know that sounds selfish. Love is suppose to be unconditional.
I made mention of counseling in my letter, and I have been a few times on my own to address my anger mgt.
We do have plans for an upcoming trip together, just don't know if she(we) will follow through under these circumstances.

Thanks for your reply

She's not willing because, in her eyes, there are a lot of problems you're not addressing. She is frustrated, even resentful. Be patient. No more gestures; we don't trust them.

Instead, find the material here about Love Busters and learn it. Print out the LB questionnaire and ask her to fill it out so you can learn what you do that ticks her off. If she refuses, try to figure them out by trial and error and introspection (remembering times she's gotten mad and figuring out what you just did).

Then spend the next 2 months eliminating all those LBs! You have to give it this much time to stop the bad habits. Just concentrate on this.

Then, learn all about Emotional Needs here. Ask her to fill out the EN questionnaire. Take her top 5 ENs and spend the next 2 months doing nothing but meeting those 5 ENs (but don't forget to not let those LBs creep back in!).

Think of it like a bucket; LB are holes in that bucket. ENs are the water that fill her bucket of love for you. No matter how many ENs you meet for her, it won't matter because the LB holes are draining away any love she has for you.

Thanks, I'll begin to work on these things.

When you start apologising and sending flowers, you are sending the message that you were the one who did something wrong and that you are asking for her forgiveness. She may not apologize because she may see your actions as more wrong than hers. Relationships are complicated, and therfore the things we think should be black and white end up having an awful lot of grey instead. Be very honest with her- tell her how you feel- tell her you miss being close to her and that you want to build a more positive relationship. Tell her you were wrong for your actions, and that you feel hurt by her actions also. Don't give her too much space- sometimes people need a little space, this is true, but if you give too much space it can come off as you don't care and they may become more distant. Keep trying as long as you want to- but make sure your gestures are genuine- she will be able to spot it if they are not.