Good question Rev. I'm going to bet the farm and say Coho disappears from this site very soon.

Coho: You don't really want him. You want the thill of the chase. You want to feel loved and longed after. And you probably have been saying the same thing(s) to the OM -- "I'll leave my hubby, never talk to him again...you are the one for me...please take me back...blah, blah, blah, blah."

Do us all a favor and scram!

You lie, you cheat and you steal. Don't come here looking for forgiveness after what you have posted and your ACTIONS. Be GONE!

You sure have a funny way of showing it. ::scratches head::

Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.

We are all imperfect sinners in need of redemption. If ZW still wants to try to save this marriage and Coho shows that she seriously wants to prove herself able to be a faithful spouse....who are we to say that shouldn't be attempted...again? How many times were we told to forgive?...seventy times seven....etc etc...

It took my FWH several attempts to get it right. I have to believe that Coho is still capable of redeeming herself. If she can, then an intact family is in the best interest for the kids.

Yes you have. Shame. Perhaps there is hope but then you were planning to marry your OM after you drove Zen down into the ground. Who needs a wife like that?

So when you were with Zen - were you thinking you were cheating on the OM?

Coho,

There are folk here that have experienced betrayal like this before.

Maybe you are trying to satisfy three people, you know it is not working out.

I have made a proposition to your husband that you break should he take you back on. Consider it...

She MAY be capable of redeeming herself if she could stop seeing the OM but obviously, she can't control herself and have NO CONTACT with OM. So, if I were ZW I would probably throw in the towel. Seems pretty hopeless to me.

Let me try and get some of this straight.

You have been boinking the OM all this time or just in contact?

Also ZW read your secret email account...did you give him access? and the talk about marriage was that recent???

Personally, I think that Coho WAS drinking when she slipped. And I think THAT is the problem, although no one here seems to agree.

Was she drinking the entire time she was emailing OM on her secret account and posting here about how perfect a wife she could be and how much she loved Zen? Was she drinking while planning her marriage to OM?

'Slipped'?

That was some fall. She landed right on OM!

Hey Trix,

Nice to see you! Your posts always make me sit up and pay attention.

There sure are alot of people getting their jabs and punches in on this thread. Many who have not been around long enough to see recoveries take place even in situations like yours and mine. False recoveries are not unusual. They are extremely painful for the BS, but they are not an insurmountable obstacle.

The board has many success stories and still many more that never recovered. Beating the falling down drunk with shame and guilt will not help her to sober up or lead her to success.

Goodness folks, give Coho a chance to answer some questions and then give your advice to ZW according to what you see. But beating the drunk isn't helpful everytime she takes a drink.

edit....just for clarity when I say drunk I am using it as a metaphor for WAYWARD!

Best question on this thread!

With all the negative chatter.... it runs the risk of getting lost.

Coho, What say you?

When I was asked this question, I told my wife YES.
I also followed through with it ASAP!

So, what say you??

She told ZW that she was sober when she was with the OM.

She planned to be with the OM on his birthday.
She could have stopped.
She hung out with the OM
she could have stopped.
She got in her car and drove to his place.
Zen Wolf called her at 11:00
She could have stopped.
When she got to his place she went inside.
She could have stopped.
She went to the OMs bedroom.
She could have stopped.
She/he took her clothes off
She could have stopped.
Her husband Called her at 3:00
She lied to him about where she was.
She could have stopped.
She got into bed with the OM
She could have stopped.
They had sex.


At every point she had the ability to not go through with it.
She knew at every turn, what this would do to the husband that loves her. She knew this would drive a stake through his heart. And when they were having sex, she thought to herself.

"I will just ask Zen Wolf for another chance."

You received quite a few whacks. Please read the above posts from MyRev, Trix, and TST.

What I dont understand is why you want to hurt the one you love. Please help us understand or better dig down deep why you are doing this for your own understanding. Why are you willing to risk the security of your family with a POSOM?

Tell us what this OM has to offer - more financial stability, better home for your children, mutual interests, great guy to talk with, or is it just the sex you enjoy.

I'm using the expression "Falling Down Drunk" as a metaphor for WAYWARD! Both ARE typically ADDICTED to something!

a metaphor describes a first subject as being or equal to a second object in some way.

geez, how many FR's does ZenWolf have to endure? I guess only he knows.....

From what I see....... It's been ONE long false recovery?

Ouch -

"She told ZW that she was sober when she was with the OM."

All alcoholics claim they were sober, or are sober, or about to be sober. The hallmark of the disease is denial.

I've been saying all along that she must go to AA, because she can't drink. She thinks she can, and we are seeing the results.

KiwiJ, wouldn't you say that every word of your posts could be applied to you during your own false recovery? Which was every bit as public as this one? You defended breaking NC on this board -- in fact refused to come clean, to the point that another poster had to be the one to tell your poor husband. I'm very glad that your husband gave you a second (third? fourth?) chance, but you no more deserved it than coho does ... though I will say that the fog with this one is very, very thick, and her behavior has been extremely cruel.

I have serious doubts about coho, too, but this post in particular was just way over the top, IMO. There are many WS's on this board that have behaved perfectly abominably and still recovered. Like, for example, you.

COho:

This was your post about Saturday:


To Bad you didn't make that choice.

Coho? You can still get right. Trix is right, let them who is without sin cast the first stone. Zen DOES NOT have to forgive you and give you another chance. You have given him NO reason to have him offer you that.

There is a long narrow road to recovery. One foot either way and you tumble over the side. And then its a long scramble to get back on the road. Its easier to get back on the road if there are people willing to give you a rope, or a hand.

If Zen thinks you are worth the fight, then that is HIS CHOICE. That is for his heart to bear. Maybe, some day, you will realize it as well. My opinion of you doesn't matter.

There is a reason that no contact with the affair partner is required. And your actions are proof of that.

You can redeem yourself. But its all up to you.

LG