Hello. This is my first time here. I need some advise and thoughts from impartial people. My wife and I have been together since 2000. She was 18 at the time and I was 21. She is now 27 and I am 30. We now have a 7 yr old boy. We have had a lot of rough times throught the years and stuck by each other. I though that was a good thing. four years ago she admitted feeling absolutely nothing for me anymore. According to her not my fault. I am the best husband she could fine. Which to me meant nothing because she feels nothing. I sort of moved out. But Spent a lot of time at the house, because of my son. After a month or so, she said she made a mistake. I spent four years fixing anything about me she thought was a negative part of me ( eventhough she said that her lack of feeling for me had nothing to do with me). Last year she developed these panic attacks due to anxiety and depression. Ofcourse in my head this is me. Finally this weekend she admitted again feeling nothing for me. How I do all of these romantic things and she has no complaints, her friends and family say she will never find someone like me. That she is making a mistake. She wants to take another brake, but she's afraid is the wrong move. That she'll reliaze she made a mistake and I won't take her back. I guess taking the break is not really an option. My son is very smart and he knows exactly what's happening. I have to keep my relationship with him exactly the way it's now. But, should I move out and take it from there or should I stay in the house? Is it possible to feel nothing and then feel something? Or she just feeling guilt for not feeling love?

Thanks for listening!

I am sorry you find yourself in this situation. First of all (and I seem to suggest this alot) but you would benefit much more if you would hit "notify" at the bottom and ask the mods to move your thread to GQ11--much more traffic there and you will get many more views on your situation.

I would not think that leaving your home would be beneficial as you can't really work on anything if you are not there.

Have you read anything on Plan A and or Plan B? You need to do this if you haven't. It sounds like you have been plan A-ing so far.
Move over to gQ and you will get alot more hits and suggestions.

You need to find out one way or another. Just agree not to see anyone else while you are apart.

Stay. In. The. House.
To do otherwise is legal abandonment of your family (and son!) and will hurt you terribly should you separate or divorce.

Also, it is much easer to build a good marriage if you're in the house living together. It's more difficult to build the marriage if you don't spend lots of quality time together.

You say you have fixed everything she thought was negative about you. That is a good start. Do you know about the concept of the Love Bank? Do you know what her top Emotional Needs are? Are you doing things to meet her top ENs every day? Because you could be taking her out to dinner and ball games and movies and roller skating... and if Recreational Companionship is at the bottom of her list you are totally wasting your time, energy, and money. If her top EN is conversation you'd be better off taking a slow walk around the block or sitting on the porch chatting and asking about her day, her dreams, her feelings.

So... find out what her top ENs are and focus on those.

Are you familiar with the concept of Love Busters? Read up on them and eliminate them from your behavioral repertoire. Angry Outbursts are easy to spot, but Disrespectful Judgments are slippery little beasts and take a lot of work to get rid of. Independent Behavior is a tough one for many people. It's vital that you not commit ANY love busters because a LB is like a hole in the bottom of a bucket. You can try to fill the bucket by meeting ENs but the hole (LBs) undoes all your work faster than you can fill it.

When she says she feels nothing for you, she probably feels something for someone else. Have you ruled out the possibility of an affair? Do you have access to all phone records, cellphone records, credit/debit card records, etc.? Do you know where she is and who she spends her time with? Don't ask her, just look and find out for yourself. Check her email (especially the sent folder). If she's not in an affair so much the better. But if she is, you need to know because things cannot improve between the two of you if there's a third person involved.

I agree with the others. Moving out would not be a good idea. You son still needs you. It would hurt any chances for recovery of your marriage and would really hurt you during any divorce should it get that far.

Is there anything in your wife's life that she finds pleasure in? Could she be suffering from a long term clinical depression?

Right 4 years of her feeling nothing for you. HMMMMMM? The others are right. I think you need to give it another 4 years. Maybe she will fall back in love with you.