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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 5
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 5 |
Question: Who is better at full discloser ww or wh ?
My background 4 years ago my ww disclosed she was leaving me for her former boyfriend.she wanted a D said a lot of nasty thing ect, Two weeks past and ww show up at the door,made a big mistake will i take her back,and i did. First stop m-counseling,at session #2 i ask the question how long was ww a
answer 5 months.About 3 weeks later ran into ww best friend atlocal store she ask how are things my replie getting better day by day she said your a forgiving man if my husband carry on that long it would be out the door,BELLS WENT OFF. Well i found out for a fact that ww a went on at least 2 years. WW refuses to talk about it and stays with same dates.The only thing left out in our recovey is the policy of radical honesty.
me44
ww42
dd 9-8-04
nc 1-17-05
in recovery
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305 |
Neither!!! Waywards LIE!!!!! Most never give full discloser unless they are forced to by a polygraph.
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093 |
Not unusual for the truth to trickle out, and to be covered up at first and then "retold".
She's feeling the water.
You need to sit her down, tell her what you heard, and tell her that the absolute truth to each and every question will be expected and needed in order to recover. Also, tell her that the truth is the only thing you can use to recover - and that nothing could possibly hurt you more than what has already happened. My H was the same way, and I had to drag every piece of information out of him.
It was an effort that nearly killed me. If I asked a question one way, he answered exactly that question - and if asked another way, he answered exactly that one. It ended up that I had to word things so globally that he could not squirm, and I had to pin him down. It was excruciating for him and for me.
So I don't think it is a woman/man thing. It is a wayward thing.
So establish those rules now, and tell her your expectations regarding her answers.
SB
Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 5
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 5 |
I have had the same response,answers all over the place. I think ww feels that if the whole truth comes out i will leave.WW is truley remorsefull and i have told her time and time again i am here to move foward with our marriage,but her lying about the a has created a major trust issue.
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,490
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,490 |
I have had the same response,answers all over the place. I think ww feels that if the whole truth comes out i will leave.WW is truley remorsefull and i have told her time and time again i am here to move foward with our marriage,but her lying about the a has created a major trust issue. Ask her to take a polygraph and make a boundary of yours "I can handle the TRUTH, I cannot handle the LIES. I will not carry on in a M based on lies and deceit. I will stay in this M only as long as I have the TRUTH." That is what I would do, anyways.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. 
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
They all lie or downplay the A details. Whether the WS is motivated by shame, not wanting the BS to leave or whatever, they all do it. I know I wouldn't be overly eager to admit just how disgusting I acted had I cheated. Your WW needs to own up to what she did. If she doesn't, you will be stuck in limbo hell.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 5
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 5 |
Good way to say it limbo hell,my self and ww are so close but so far away on the trust issue. Igot a gut feeling she wants to tell me but is affaid. Beyond the trust issue our marriage has never been stronger.
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 18
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Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 18 |
Good Day, lost2204
Is it really possible to have a "strong" M, when there is an issue with trust??
LS
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