I am posting in this topic as i have in the D topic.

Long story short.....This is the 3rd time that she has cheated...each time i gave in for one reason or another but mainly the kids...WW is a definate cake eater. Im done and cant take it anymore. Its unhealthy for my kids to be in this situation and its unhealthy for me.

Wife hasnt worked in 14 years and doesnt plan on working either. She is living in our house (sep bedrooms) and carrying on with her EA. Shes constantly on the phone and basically ignores the childrens needs.


I cant throw her out. Legally i dont have any leg to stand on. If I file for a D then i will more than likly have to pay for her attorney as well. She is an Alcholoic that doesnt see her problem. I have read all the materials and i have no desire to contiue to have a marriage with her.

I can never trust her again. She does nothing but lie nad has continously done so for a long time.

My desire is to get custody becuase i dont trust her with the children. I will never keep the kids from her as i think all children need both parents in their lives.

how is it fair that i am the only parent that is thinking clearly and i have to pay (monetraly as well) for all her mistakes. I have to pay for both attorneys. I have to pay allimony.

How is it that the legal system is fair towards a father? i dont see it.

That totally sux..MOVE TO TEXAS, ALMOST ZERO CHANCE OF ALIMONY..DUDE

I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I know it sucks!

Have you seen a divorce or family law attorney yet to find out what your options are?

Hopefully some of the divorced fathers will chime in and offer you some advice.
JoJo

Have you ever considered asking her family to help with an intervention? She is an alcoholic after all. Have the attempt documented and if she doesn't improve have her legally removed for the childrens safety/benefit.

Her family totally enables her. Plus they all live out of state. It easier for her family to enable her than to actually deal with the problem. They feel she is drinking and doing these things cause of me....

Start a journal.....journal everything she does from drinking to interactions with the children......make sure it is just the facts no emotions.....DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT!

It will help you immensly in court.

She may not work. But you most certainly don't have to a single piaster (dime). Make sure any joint accounts are closed and you have not credit cards. You can at least file for divorce (you don't have to sign). That will stop her from sinking you in debt. You must protect yourself financially.

i have been keeping a journal since the day i found out.....

I have been extremely angry over the last motnh....

now im just hurt with spurts of anger.....

imdone, you need to file for divorce and get her moved out on her own. Does she go drunk driving? If so, you would want to call the police and get her arrested. Not to be mean, but so she can get help for her drinking. Your kids need to be protected from this woman, not exposed to her.

Melody is absolutely right. If she DD, you need to call the cops on her. But only after you make sure she has no access to any money. You must also file first or you will be financially responsible for the cost incurred by any lawyers. Its time to let the boom fall on her. You have to be smart if you are going to get custody of your kids.

She doesnt go anywhere. I dont let her take the kids in the car. She is in such a fog that she totally focuses on talking to OM during every waking minute. .... melody is right... Its all about implementaing a plan that will lead to the best situation for the kids...the problem is that i hope i dont explode during the process....

File asap. Then buy her favorite booze, and have the cops on hand to bust her as soon as she turns the engine over.

has anyone had to deal with this crap being in your face everyday? its easy for some one to say file for D and get her out. I cant force her out! Something has to happen (DUI, abuse)...not sure if mental abuse counts....even if it does how do you prove it....

Wait until she is sauced up and say you are out of milk and, for some reason, you can't drive to the store. Then call 911.

Of course, if you DO live in Texas, this won't do any good. Drinking and driving is a requirement there.

Now, on the serious side, what is the downside for just letting her slowly kill herself? No cost. You get full custody.

That sounds cruel and isn't meant to be. The question is: how much in a hurry are you?

And being cheated on hurts big time. I know.

the only reason im in a hurry is the kids. I know its damaging them. they are 3-14 years old. It is also damaging to me since i work from home and its in my face all day.

That's a knife that cuts both ways. There is no way to keep the kids from being hurt.

understood which is why im looking to minimize it as much as possible.

thanks

imdone, sorry to see yourself here.
First does your state have "fault divorce"? If so get proof of A and proceed which weighs in your favor.

Have you attended Alnon and the kids attend Alateen. Can't get your W better but you can get yourselves. I bet the OM drinks also.

My H started drinking when his A started so he is dual addicted to both the bottle and OW. It is hard to separate the 2.

You need to get yourself healthy. Get a video of when your W is smashed. Give it to an Atty.

Do your kids know "she is a drunk" and that "she has A".

If you can get one addiction healed --good chance the other might be cured also.