About a month ago I had a dream and my x told me he was getting married. In the dream I laughed. Well tonight he told me he met someone last July and they are getting married in October. This will be his 4th marriage and her 3rd.

I asked x and he agreed that he not socialize or visit my parents with his new wife...I hope that doesn't sound petty - but I just need some boundary.

He lives in San Francisco and she's in LA... she is retiring and will come up here to live. She's in for a big surprise. I hope she likes men who drink at 10 am, watch porn on a regular basis and oogle women while he's sitting accross from you at dinner.

I told him that I wished him well and that I was happy for him (true) but that it would be our last dinner together. He looked surprised and said that I should text him from time to time. I said absolutely not, that I would respect his new status and he should try respecting his new wife this time. That really pissed him off...

Man I feel shi**y. Oh well it was only a matter of time. It's a miracle it didn't happen sooner.

Sounds like a dream marriage in the making.

You know, a nightmare.

His choices are not a reflection on you. It sounds like he may be searching for something illusive.

I think you handled it well. I think you should stick with what you told him. Also, I give you permission to be pleased that he is truly not your problem any more. While you may long for 'what might have been', you can give yourself permission to set him free and to set yourslf free.

Thanks - I appreciate your support. I was very happy to get a nice email from my Dad (who in the past hasn't been the most supportive Father) telling me I have his love and support. I will choose to extrapolate that he agrees to not host a visit or socialize with x and his new wife..(he's prone to that kind of behavior).

I'm feeling better this AM. The sun is shining, I have a good job, I love my neighborhood, I have a sweet doggie, my parents are alive and relatively healthy...much to be grateful for!

This too shall pass...

ugh...just got an email from my sister. Who suggests that my feeling will evolve over time and that an occasional social visit would be acceptable. Then she told me that she had heard the news a few weeks ago... way to go sis! I told her that her sentiments and her withholding information both felt disloyal...

Ugh...back to feeling icky....

Almost 24 hours post hearing the news. Feeling pretty good. I guess the feeling of failure will never go away. I made a very bad choice in a husband and now I have to deal with the consequences for the rest of my life.

I had a little book of advice (a title something like that). It said to choose your spouse carefully as they will give you 90% of your joy or 90% of your misery. I read that just days before my wedding and it gave me pause... but I didn't get out of it. That decision cost me dearly...

"That decision cost me dearly..." You're not alone...

I hate that we have egos! I fully believe that he was not the right husband for me. I found many of his personality traits very unattractive. Yet, when he told me he could "do better" and never tried to repair our marriage - for even one moment.... it somehow really makes me sad. I think it's just pride. I dunno...

X is traveling in Turkey and sent me a text - thanking me for "the time" before he left on his trip and telling me Istanbul is amazing. Don't you think this is manipulative and something he should be sharing only with his fiancee.

Meanwhile my dad asked me for clarification of "ground rules". In a perfect world my family wouldn't WANT to socialize with my x and his new wife - but that's not the case. He is very interesting and generous person... but for me he wasn't a good husband.

This has been an ongoing conflict. I hate to mandate my family's behavior - and I don't want to take anything away from them (ie a friendship that is important to them). Already I am thinking that I don't really care - but of course that's all just hypothetical - I'm afraid I will feel terribly betrayed in reality (ie family hanging out with X and his new wife).

This is confusing for me...

I hope that I don't offend you but have you read any thing on Toxic Parents and family?

Because for the life of me I would have to wonder on a family who are still in contact with an in-law who has betrayed their daughter/son, sister/brother. I would have to question their everything.