Rusty - seeing as though I'm a kindred spirit to your WW I have to say that if my H did what Mr. Wondering is suggesting to you I would welcome it with open arms and grab hold and run with it. To me, this seems like a great plan, a fantastic start. I hope that if you are to suggest this to your WW she sees that, too.

Mr. Wondering - I am going to suggest these things to my H. I am not home yet so building love banks isn't easy but at least avoiding LBs is. Thank you for this idea. I love it and am going to go with it.

I want to add one thing..

I'd lay this out as a PLAN.

Because there ARE issues that need addressing...in time. You don't want to ever give the impression that the affair is bygones and/or being swept under the rug. You don't want to be in a position at the end of summer wherein you begin to address matters and she thought you were over it already.

Also...you WILL end up having deep conversations and these should not be avoided. Even conflict need not be avoided for through conflict intimacy is achieved. However, you do so utilizing the MB principles regarding conflict and practice constructive conflict techniques WITHOUT LOVE BUSTERS.

Also...during this period you need to focus on changing YOURSELF. Whether you actually recover or not...YOU can become a better person using the MB techniques so you are not wasting your efforts at all. When YOU change...your spouse will likely follow.

In the end...YOU don't change your spouse...THEY change themselves because they want to be with you. There is always that underlying threat that if they don't change...you'll move on. You retain that right for some time. I would never suggest you stay with a foggy spouse forever....just for now, work on YOUR betrayed fog and see what happens.

Mr. Wondering

Thanks Mr. W. Great Advice I will heed right away.

I also just wanted to say thanks to everybody that has helped me.

I only get to log on once or twice a week right now but I keep coming back.

Rusty -

How goes it?