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Roo, Happy Birthday. GG. Are you and your WS recovering/recovered? I would say we are reaching recovered. It's taken two years for me to write that. The last thing for me is to tell him I forgive him which is what recovered people here say I need to do. Roo, I agree with mindshare about putting everything on the line and asking BS if he wants R. Me, the BS, was willing to work with WW on improving our M. The difference with you and your situation is that your BS hasn't really shown you he's interested in R. I don't think it's healthy for you to have him string you along while he's living and independent life and liking it. I hope whatever it is that you plan this weekend works for you. I always hope for happy endings, but that's the romantic in me. GG
D-Day #1 Aug/2007.
D-Day #2 1/27/12
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Roo,
I'm going to agree with 6. If your motivation is gone then I think you should come clean with your BH about that. Honestly, it's another way of going 'all in' which I have been trying to persuade you to do for quite some time now. Put all the chips on the table. Let him know that you need to know where he stand with regards to building a new marriage with you. If he can't or is unwilling then you simply must move on. You cannot remain in this limbo h@ll forever. It's really unfair for both of you.
Mindshare Thank you, Mindshare. I do agree that I need to know and also think that he's telling me in his passive aggressive way that he's happy just as he is. Perhaps I need to force the words.
Me/WS 32
H 32
M 6 years, together 12
D-Day 3/8/09
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Roo,
Why don't you share these feelings with your BH? Maybe you could start a discussion from their. I know this must be a hard time for you. I'm not sure what your planning was on having children but I'm guessing you have at least a little pressure on that as well.
As an outsider, I suggest counseling to figure out what you really want going forward. Your M really ended 2 years ago, maybe best to look forward.
Gabe Thank you, 6. I appreciate your investment in me.  Putting the cards on the table is an option - I'll discuss it with my IC when I see her next. It feels, really, like I've done this. To keep doing it over and over again, well...what's the point?
Me/WS 32
H 32
M 6 years, together 12
D-Day 3/8/09
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This Saturday will be my 32nd birthday. A Taurus like me.  I'll celebrate with you, Roo. Know I'll be with you in spirit. Thank you, L4. Got up this morning and went for a coffee. Now I'm doing laundry (fun fun) and gearing up for a fun-filled day with my girl friends.
Me/WS 32
H 32
M 6 years, together 12
D-Day 3/8/09
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Hey roo, I keep meaning to say, if you ever want to 'talk', my email is in my sigline. I think your often on when I am, at least your 'face' is lit up then. Could just be a reflection of my sparkling presence  Thank you, lil! I'm up later and later these days and as long as I can get my butt out of bed and make it to work on time then I'm ok with that. :p
Me/WS 32
H 32
M 6 years, together 12
D-Day 3/8/09
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Fantastic! Thank you!! That cake looks nummy.
Me/WS 32
H 32
M 6 years, together 12
D-Day 3/8/09
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Me/WS 32
H 32
M 6 years, together 12
D-Day 3/8/09
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Roo, Happy Birthday. GG. Are you and your WS recovering/recovered? I would say we are reaching recovered. It's taken two years for me to write that. The last thing for me is to tell him I forgive him which is what recovered people here say I need to do. Roo, I agree with mindshare about putting everything on the line and asking BS if he wants R. Me, the BS, was willing to work with WW on improving our M. The difference with you and your situation is that your BS hasn't really shown you he's interested in R. I don't think it's healthy for you to have him string you along while he's living and independent life and liking it. I hope whatever it is that you plan this weekend works for you. I always hope for happy endings, but that's the romantic in me. GG Thank you for replying, GG. The difference is everything, huh? I understand that now and am coming to accept it. I hope for happy endings, too. 
Me/WS 32
H 32
M 6 years, together 12
D-Day 3/8/09
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Another difference is you are young and you have no kids. You started posting in January and nothing has changed with how your H is treating you, correct?
GG
D-Day #1 Aug/2007.
D-Day #2 1/27/12
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GG - both of those things are true, yes.
He is ambivalent(sp?).
Me/WS 32
H 32
M 6 years, together 12
D-Day 3/8/09
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Happy B-Day Roo!!! I hope you have a great time with your girlfriends!!!
MindShare
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I remember him saying something about baby steps but he actually has taken any steps although you have tried since January, correct?
GG
D-Day #1 Aug/2007.
D-Day #2 1/27/12
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I remember him saying something about baby steps but he actually has taken any steps although you have tried since January, correct?
GG That would also be correct. Though he did text me to say happy birthday today...yesterday. Whatever.
Me/WS 32
H 32
M 6 years, together 12
D-Day 3/8/09
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Happy Birthday Roogirl! Sorry I'm late!
You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
The person who is always finding fault seldom finds anything else.
I pity the fool. - Mr. T
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Tell us how your birthday went, Roo. What'd you do?
Me (FWW): 45
BH: 46
M: 11/94
PA: 2/08 (4 mos)
Confessed: 10/08
DS10
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Hi - I've read your thread. I completely understand what you're going through. I waited for two years after we separated - my X was ambivalent ... but then after a while his ambivalence was the answer. He just didn't want to do the work. It takes two to screw up a marriage and it takes two to fix one. I was waiting two years after our divorce - but a few weeks ago he told me he is getting married. So - I guess I can safely say that I gave him every chance to step up.
I'm a lot older than you - and so kids weren't an issue. But I agree with others - especially if you want a family - you should probably give yourself permission to move on since he doesn't seem to be capable of showing up.
I made big mistakes in my marriage - but I've learned from them and I've worked hard to become a better mate for my next love...
Me - far from a perfect person - but trying to improve all the time
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Happy Birthday Roogirl! Sorry I'm late! Thank you!
Me/WS 32
H 32
M 6 years, together 12
D-Day 3/8/09
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Tell us how your birthday went, Roo. What'd you do? You know, it was as nice a birthday as I can remember. I got up early and went and got a mocha and then did laundry in the morning. A girl friend came around 1 and brought me a card and an angel food cake (one of my favorites)! We headed to play bingo and were met with two other girl friends - such a surprise! I also won twice and left $26 richer. The two girls who surprised me at bingo had other evening plans but another of my closest girl friends met us at a Thai place for dinner and then we all went and had a drink. I was back home by around 11 and in bed a little after midnight. Had angel food cake for breakfast on Sunday - num!
Me/WS 32
H 32
M 6 years, together 12
D-Day 3/8/09
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Hi - I've read your thread. I completely understand what you're going through. I waited for two years after we separated - my X was ambivalent ... but then after a while his ambivalence was the answer. He just didn't want to do the work. It takes two to screw up a marriage and it takes two to fix one. I was waiting two years after our divorce - but a few weeks ago he told me he is getting married. So - I guess I can safely say that I gave him every chance to step up.
I'm a lot older than you - and so kids weren't an issue. But I agree with others - especially if you want a family - you should probably give yourself permission to move on since he doesn't seem to be capable of showing up.
I made big mistakes in my marriage - but I've learned from them and I've worked hard to become a better mate for my next love... Wow..thanks so much for reading the thread. It's by no means among the longest here but neither is it short. I have been looking for threads that run parallel to mine but haven't had much luck. What I am finding is the BS either kicks the WS to the curb or shortly after D-Day makes the choice to try. My H is doing neither of these, really. Giving myself permission to move on...such a big step. And I'm scared, for sure. I'm working on that with my IC.
Me/WS 32
H 32
M 6 years, together 12
D-Day 3/8/09
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