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OP
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okay ill see who I can get...
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Joined: Oct 2000
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okay ill see who I can get... I suggest you make a call to your church - tell them "I am having a major marriage crisis. I need to confess adultery. I need another adult to be in the room. HELP!"Someone will advise you.
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It might help you to write down what you are going to tell him ahead of time. Then you can just read it to him.
You will be shaking, you will feel sick.
That is okay, you HAVE to get this stuff out on the table before you can progress.
Please realize that your BH may storm out, he may say he's filing for D, he may move out for a few days and tell you it's over. His world will be reeling, and all of these reactions are normal and DO NOT necessarily mean the end of the M.
Remember two key things that are VERY important:
NO love busters
Answer all of his questions HONESTLY and COMPLETELY
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Joined: Mar 2008
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Make sure you are ready for the conversation first. Everyone here chanting "now, now, now" do not live in your house.
For your H sake, make sure you both will be safe during this time. For god sakes, do not call your church and blurt out anything to someone you do not trust or know.
You could also tell in a semi - public place,(semi secluded park- ect.) if you really think there is an opportunity for abuse.
Leave yourself pleanty of time and expect a huge reaction. Prepare yourself to answer a BLIZZARD of questions. Respect his emotions.
Mind you, if you can not find the words, you could write a letter, just be present and hand it to him. You HAVE to fess up- but you should do this in the most humane way possible for your BH.
Did you cut off the A first? Have you told OMW?
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Joined: Mar 2008
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This is a great post. Re read it.
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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The people that have responding hatefully obviously have another motive of their own. I'm rubber, you're glue....  Try again!
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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tink ~ also, for the love of God, do NOT be defensive and do NOT make excuses.
This will make your H's reaction MUCH WORSE.
Own your mistakes and tell him that you want to recover the M and make it better than ever.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. 
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Joined: May 2009
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OP
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I wont have anyone available until tomorrow so thats when I will confess everything...which gives me more time to pray and
study verses....
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Thinking of you today Tink.
How's it going?
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Joined: May 2009
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OP
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It went better than I expected-he said he knew something was going on- (OM has been on and off) of course he is angry...hurt..everything expected. I feel like a burden has been lifted but am in a fog today...we found a counselor and are going this pm. One thing she told me on the phone that has helped is to look at my spouse through God's eyes...
I am emarrassed, ashamed as I should feel.
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Has your husband told OMW? Have you written a NC letter for your husband to send to OM?
Me: FWH / BS (36)
W: BS / WW (37)
Two youngsters
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GREAT job on telling him. That is such a difficult step. Now you just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and hang in there. It will take a long time and some days will seem good and some will seem horrid and hopeless. That's just the nature of the beast.
Your H may get angry later. He may be in shock.
What are you doing to help him feel safe and secure?
What are you doing to reassure him that the A is totally over forever?
What are you doing to ensure something like this can never happen again?
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Joined: Dec 2006
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Guess we should have believed harder and clapped our hands.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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Joined: Oct 2000
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Guess we should have believed harder and clapped our hands. 
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