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Joined: Mar 2009
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It’s been just over 3 months since Dday, and I just can’t focus. I’m amazed at you all for keeping your jobs and getting things done. I can’t seem to do a thing!

I’m on leave from my regular job, I have some projects that I work on, consulting - I’ve blown so many deadlines on them, and I’m supposedly working on a pet project of my own (that’s why I took the leave from my job). But I just can’t focus or get anything done.

How do you do it?

When ever I get engrossed in work, I worry that I’m forgetting about the A, and if I don’t poke the bear, I’m somehow saying that this is OK, that this is over and done with.

Help ....


BS (me) 40 - WH 40
M 19Y, TG 21Y
3 Children, 16, 13, 5
Dday January 25. 2009 - NC Febuary 3 2009
OW broke NC May 2. after I exposed to her BF - NC May 3. 2009
OW boke NC Jan. 8 - NC reestablished Jan. 11 2010.
3 prior slip-ups - drunken makeout 96, 05, 06, stopped drinking 06

Not sure I can get over this ...
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
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Quote
How do you do it?
When it first happened and to this day, I remember the ringing in my head that WOULD NOT stop. For the LONGEST time it wouldn't STOP. I felt like I was living in a tunnel and couldn't get out. I played music at night to calm the noise. Truly it was there all day long and wouldn't stop. And then one day it was gone. I don't know what happened, when it actually occured I just noticed it one day.

I did it one step at a time, literally and figuratively. I built my relationship with g-d and just kept SO CLOSE to him. You see, I couldn't fix the pain and all the advice on time etc just wasn't working. SO I relied on the one spirit that was there for me 24 hours a day and I talked to him and cried with him for hours.

Function, I didn't function and people at work were SO understanding. I was devastated, I was literally destroyed and time was the worst thing I had going for me. I went to AA meetings, I worked my AA program, I did whatever I could do to fill up my time. And yet, it was ALWAYS on my mind, the pain, the obsession of it all.

I had to learn how to train my mind to not think about it. I came here and filtered my thoughts, and so many people told me I could do this.

Do you have other interests? Is there something you have always wanted to do? Do you volunteer? I truly know these seem shallow, but it helps, when you can.

I still have my moments where I can think of nothing else.

Its still so new to you, be gentle. Give yourself a break. Read this website and learn about affairs and how to survive it.

I hope that helps some...


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
Joined: Jun 2008
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Its hard, it will fade more and more. How is your appetite? How are you sleeping?

Joined: Mar 2009
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Thanks QA smile it does help.

I want to not think about "IT" but I also worry if I don´t think about "IT" that it´s forgotten and OK. That scares me ...

I have my projects, work projcets. I guess I am one of the lucky ones in that I love my work, I´m passionate about my work.

I do yoga, I walk ... but I NEED to work, and I can´t.

My memory is just gone, I forget everything it seems, I can´t focus and I´m having obsessive thoughts. It feels like I´m loosing my mind sometimes.


BS (me) 40 - WH 40
M 19Y, TG 21Y
3 Children, 16, 13, 5
Dday January 25. 2009 - NC Febuary 3 2009
OW broke NC May 2. after I exposed to her BF - NC May 3. 2009
OW boke NC Jan. 8 - NC reestablished Jan. 11 2010.
3 prior slip-ups - drunken makeout 96, 05, 06, stopped drinking 06

Not sure I can get over this ...
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 33
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Joined: Mar 2009
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Thanks Dude,
My appitite is fine. I couldn´t eat in the beginning and went on a liquid diet, but I´m back to normal with my appetie. I tend to induldge when sad, and I have managed NOT to do that either.

I´m sleeping OK, rather I could sleep 24/7, but I haven´t indulged in the depressive type of sleeping and moping I did in the beginning.

I´m having doubts about my self, and my bodyimage went through the floor, trying to resist the urge for surgery ... which I don´t need!


BS (me) 40 - WH 40
M 19Y, TG 21Y
3 Children, 16, 13, 5
Dday January 25. 2009 - NC Febuary 3 2009
OW broke NC May 2. after I exposed to her BF - NC May 3. 2009
OW boke NC Jan. 8 - NC reestablished Jan. 11 2010.
3 prior slip-ups - drunken makeout 96, 05, 06, stopped drinking 06

Not sure I can get over this ...
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 37
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 37
HOney I understand, I am at 4 months and think about him all day everyday.
I am able however to work, but pretty much fall apart at the end of my day.
I still can't eat or sleep, so I know I am obseesed, but I find a little confort in the fact that he has to be thinking about me too, and I look great due to the lack of food.
I find it easier if I am busy, so I garden and surround myself with the people that love me, and thank God there is alot of those.
I can't wait for the day it doesn't feel like it is killing me, I pray it come soon for both of us.

Joined: Sep 2008
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Originally Posted by NotSure09
I want to not think about "IT" but I also worry if I don´t think about "IT" that it´s forgotten and OK. That scares me ...

You have nothing to fear here...IT will never be forgotten and OK. I read a post that said when your thoughts start to stray to negative things (about IT), you must consciously force yourself to think of Positive things (or thing about something else entirely). At first it was hard...it was nearly impossible. But I tried to actively not focus on the negative, and it has gotten better. There is nothing that you can currently do to change what happened...so every moment you spend thinking negatively can only hurt your progress.


Me: 32 BS DDay: 9/14/08
Slowly coming to the realization that I
am one of those who can't get past it.
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,775
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I was a basket case for the first year(and I don't even like my wife). It is such a huge trauma and rejection by someone. I must have locked myself out of my car a half dozen times and lost my car in a bunch of parking lots. It does a number on you. It really helped to exercise and the fact thhat she made the decison to leave, while painful, sped things up.
Now, I am pretty happy, for the most part. But, you never forget and I'm not sure one ever gets over it completely. Sure makes trusting others tough.


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