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it truly is time for me to put the hammer, the sledge hammer that is down.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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Hi Queenie, When I thought I had hurt that child, I was the scum of the earth and there was no room in my heart for me to be human and make an error. When it was the nurse who made the mistake, I was all over it telling her it's ok, it happens, we are human, etc.
I judge myself so harshly for so MUCH Good insight, Queenie....and it's what I call an 'unhealthy' comfort zone. ...can you think of any number of other 'healthier' ways of taking care of Queenie's needs? Take care. QUEENIE
XBW DS16 & DS22 PLAN D: finalized!
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Hi Looking,
I would love to chat with you on the phone. Please call me any time. My cell is on most of the time so leave a message if I don't pick up and I'll get back to you. Let me know if you'd rather call my home or work number and I'll email those to you. I hope you're enjoying your Monday.
Me (FWW): 45 BH: 46 M: 11/94 PA: 2/08 (4 mos) Confessed: 10/08 DS10 DD8
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Hi Looking, I will give you a call later on this evening. Is your husband home? I hate interfering in family time.
Unhealthy comfort zone indeed, and unfortunately very comfortable doing.
Honestly, no, in this situation I don't know what a healthier way would have been to deal with it. My fear obviously was running me, but how could I.
It's nice to see you. I miss you lots. How are you?
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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Well, guess what. Today is 2nd anniversary of D-day and I am doing FABULOUS all in all. I remember that day like it was today. I remember that pain as if it was today. HOWEVER, I forget that pain like I did in child birth. I forget that day because I have become a better person because of what I have walked through. Is my M recovered, NO... Do I want it to be YES.. Will it be? Ask G-d, he knows. From the day this happened, I found G-d and have walked with him as tightly as I could. I, and do I say that loosely as if it were me, somehow found the FAITH and TRUST to move forward and live life. I so still struggle, I so still cry my heart out in wretching pain and sadness, but I logged on here as skinsgal.... and became Queenie. Queenie faces her demons even when she doesn't want to, faces her responsibilities and seeks G-d for forgiveness. Queenie is learning she deserves G-ds blessings and goodness in life. And FINALLY, I have given my H to G-d in complete entirety and is waiting out whatever is to come. If you dont' believe you can survive, your wrong. I did. Not at all like I thought it would happen, but in the way G-d had planned. Trust the process, trust time heals all, even when you don't like it and trust that you absolutely don't know how it plays out, because I didn't. There is still hope for my M. Two years later and still looking like there might be recovery if it's in G-ds will. Skinsgal came here in desperation and total destruction? How did I get to here today? Literally one second at a time, one toe at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. I read, read, posted, cried about my feelings and bared my soul. I learned about myself in spite of not wanting to. I listened and took to heart what everyone told me. Even when it hurt. Even when I didn't want to. One day it hit me what being still was about, thanks Ark. It was letting G-d do what G-d was going to do and just keep moving forward. It wasn't easy, and I was so frustrating to so many people on here :twobyfour:, BUT I kept at it, kept movign forward. From skinsgal to Queenie, from the bottom of my heart I thank those of you who helped me once, twice or have walked daily with me for your love, patience, kindness and giving spirit. I could NOT have done it without you. I especially wish Mimi was here to share this day with me. I miss you so very much. I hope your life is as you hoped and prayed. Thank you so much for being part of my life.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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Awww Queenie... now I have to go redo my mascara.
But you know what's cool Queenie? Even in the height of your pain, you STILL took/take the time to reach out to others who are hurting. That says alot about who you really are.
(((Queenie)))
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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{{{{{Queenie}}}}}
You are quite a woman, my friend!
I am so proud of you!
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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You're one in a million Queenie
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Hi Queenie, stopping in to say hi and seeing you celebrating an anniversary no one wants but you are handling it like a Goddess.
Stay strong, follow God's path. I also find the Bible as a source of strength and lately I have been able to really get a better handle on my emotions (at least when I am with other people; not privately).
This is yet another turning point. God has a plan for us and it is on his time not ours.
Do you still have the flashlight analogy. I remember reading it awhile ago and I think it might be good to post again. Might take on a new meaning for me. take care.
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years D17, D30 alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08 Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also) H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08 Plan B 1/09 D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Hope, The flashlight analogy can be found HERE. It was on November 13th of last year that I posted it for Queenie. Queenie, Interesting that I discovered my wife's affair 3 years ago on Monday and confronted her 3 years ago yesterday. It was three years ago on Saturday that she told me she definitely wanted a divorce and three years ago next Monday that she said she could never give up OM. This past Monday on the 3rd anniversary of the worst day of my life she called me in the middle of the day to tell me she loved me and missed me. We're still together though it was touch and go for a while. And I'm still here posting because it was here I found the tools I needed to carry on the fight... Mark
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Wow, I wish I had been here to follow your story from the beginning. Your post about the medicine and how hard you are on yourself really hit me. Thanks for sharing.
Oh, and Shabbat shalom. We are having a family service tonight. Mrs. Hold and D12 are out of town but S14 is here. They are serving dessert after services, so maybe I can drag him over there.
When you can see it coming, duck!
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Saw this article about your 'Skins and thought you might be interested.
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Shabbat Shalom, Queenie, Hold, WR, APF (if you stop by), Miriam, ...
And to anybody I missed...
Mark
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Oh, and Shabbat shalom. We are having a family service tonight. Mrs. Hold and D12 are out of town but S14 is here. They are serving dessert after services, so maybe I can drag him over there. Thank Holding, that is very kind of you to say. It's been a journey fer sure. I always resort to food to entice my little darlings to services. I am so not above BRIBERY. Pepper, you always leave my head wondering what you really mean. :crosseyedcrazy: Cinders, Oh yes, that's absolutely the best news. I hadn't seen the report. Thank you so much. Mark, Cinders, APF, Miriam, Bellevue, Holding, and the ones who I can't remember right now cause I'm rushing out the door to son's last game of the year. Shabbat Shalom.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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Princess, you and so many others gave me the strength and belief that I had help to give. But I also know from my AA that carrying the message is how we recover ourselves. It's funny, I am so not the expert like many others on what to do, but how to do it. There's my strength.
Mark, our timeline of dates, too similar and yet look at you and how you have recovered and are still here. What an amazing inspiration you are.
Hope, you are so right, our time is in G-ds hands and we are still just walking through the forest with the flashlight. Mark's analogy is something I continually put in front of me to keep me going. Maybe one day soon we can hook up.
SMB, you have helped me through so much, I was so jealous of your life, but now I can honestly say I am so happy for you and let it be at that. What G-d has planned I don't know, but I do know you and tst have worked so hard for this and deserve all of G-ds blessings.
Happy Friday everyone. It's YS last game of the season, and the sun is fixing to be out all weekend long. Oh yes, this Queenie is going to relax in a chair, reading the bible and torah and let G-d shine on her skin.
I hope you all have a fabulocity weekend and are good to yourselves.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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Woo hoo, I in my comfortable place.. General discussion and no more recovery. I am almost happy about that. I missed you all so very much. Hope all is well with everyone.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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I'm intrigued by the new smilies and couldn't see what this was. Just a test...
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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Hi Queenie }{}{}{}{}{}{}{ that's me waving.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Hi tst... How are you and SMB...
By the looks of it, my entire thread of recovery is NO LONGER. I wonder if it's a message from G-d.
Just kidding.
I really missed this place..
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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