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It is a given that we have MUCH work to do to have a passionate and loving NEW marriage. I'm not blind to this. So let's just leave it at that for today.
H not only blew MY world apart, but he blew his children's world apart and is slowly trying to rebuild his R with his children. Last night OS's GF's car broke on the side of the road. OS asked H at 11:45am to help me go get her. He did... of course.
So... we have been texting all day long.. lunch time for him and he asked how I was doing.. I returned the favor and this was his responses.
H - It is a good day
Q - And what makes it such a good day handsome
H - the way it began in the wee hours this mourning
Q - Can you share specifically what that was
H - With OS rescuing GF him talking to me as we drove
Q - just talking about his truck and what he wants to do with it. Then saying thanks Dad for doing this
I for one am SO humbly grateful to G-d. Because even if my M doesn't recover, my children and their father are and whatever sacrifices I CHOOSE to make today are more than worth it for me when I see what's happening between them.
I'm no martyr.. I have my timeline. I'm ok with my CHOICES and don't feel like I am missing out on anything..
My FAITH and TRUST in G-d to lead me where he needs me to go is stronger and more open than ever.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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To quote PM, recovery is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo slow. I sometimes thought I would never ahve a remorseful, 'do anything to make it right' DH. Time and faith Queenie. Trust in the lord, keep working the programme, maintain your boundries, show your love. Pretty much in that order 
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday 
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DO's
1. Act Happy
2. Get a life (new activities, etc.)
3. repeat over and over..."I will make it"
4. Actively LISTEN....keep conversations at "to the point...small talk" ...don't blow it up beyond the waywards current comfort zone
5. Tend to Agree (Thank you for your truthfulness, It seems that way, you have a point)
6. Expand your social relationships (Being especially aware of your own vulnerability and keeping sharing and time with opposite sex relationships to an absolute minimum)
7. Get sexy (gym, new clothes, etc)
8. Focus on your strengths and Positives...don't put yourself down verbally or constantly go over what you did wrong
9. Accept Uncertainty (Do your best today and let God take care of tommorrow)
DON'Ts
1. Repeatedly say "I love you"
2. Ask questions that don't have answers yet
3. Criticize, complain, whine or nag
4. Say, "I've changed"....allow the wayward spouse to simply judge your actions
5. Argue, Reason or Plead
6. Don't get family or friends overly involved in recovery (notice I said "in recovery", EXPOSURE to bust up an active affair IS ESSENTIAL and EXPOSURE to the OP's spouse is an absolute MUST)
7. Act helpless or depressed
8. Discuss morality, invoke God or Dr. Laura type babble
9. Suggest marital counseling (must be the waywards idea)
10. Tell them continually "we need to work on the relationship"
11. GIVE UP
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
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Hey, Queenie. H is doing well post surgery, thanks. As for us, we're ok. I'm sure many of you will think he is blowing smoke up my rear, but you weren't here and you don't know my husband. I don't think that because I have this same problem. I have wonderful, amazing, honest, and supportive people in my life, but because of a few who have manipulated my trust to cause great hurt, I don't trust myself nor others with me. I have difficulty trusting anyone else with the real deep stuff. I'm having to work very hard on it. I am proud of you for telling your H about your hurt and sadness, about your love for him and understanding that his problems are not yours to fix. It sounds like it could have been a difficult conversation and a very important one. You're amazing. Take care, Queenie.
Me (FWW): 45
BH: 46
M: 11/94
PA: 2/08 (4 mos)
Confessed: 10/08
DS10
DD8
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Lil, you and I are so similar. I find it completely hilarous that G-d continually puts things in my life that require patience. And I don't even pray for patience. Hmmmmm. He knows something I don't. LOL
I am thinking you wanted me to pay close attention to the don'ts. Duly noted and I'm just being loving and caring around him. Not to mention peaceful.
Thanks Looking. Without a doubt he is struggling internally/spiritually. Last night he came home after his meeting and was just plain quiet/on the verge of grouchy. I just let him be. Then when he was getting ready for bed I said, you aren't going to say goodnight? He said he was just in a bad space.
JT gave me some incredible advice about what's going on and I have to completely agree. Without a doubt, the best thing I can do is stay out of G-ds way and pray for hubby....
PS... I'm glad your H is doing better.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Lil, you and I are so similar. I find it completely hilarous that G-d continually puts things in my life that require patience. And I don't even pray for patience. Hmmmmm. He knows something I don't. LOL
I am thinking you wanted me to pay close attention to the don'ts. Duly noted and I'm just being loving and caring around him. Not to mention peaceful. LOL. Particulary the last one 
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
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Hi Queenie, Just wanted to stop by with a hi !
M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA
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Hi Vittoria,
Thanks for stopping by. I hope all is well.
Peaceful it is...
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Me, too... Just dropping by to say Hi.
And thanks, as always, for the continued posting. You give us hope and insight into the lifecycle of an A -- from start to finish.
We are all rooting for you and your family. Love, love, love that the relationship between your H and children is mending right before your eyes. I pray that the same will happen between my WH and kids someday soon.
Queenie -- no pressure (lol) -- but keep being an inspiration.
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Well I seems yet again that after being away from the board for a while, I return to find Ms. Queenie being the ever present Goddess!
I am very proud of you in what I have read here. You recognize the Reality and are willing to deal with it in a thoughtful, prayerful, and MB plan way! Outstanding.
I just came back from some training and a great deal of the focus was on being REALISTIC. Even if a situation seems to be going south, that does not mean that it can not be recovered. That is as long as we are realistic about the situation in the first place. If we fool ourselves into believing it is something that it is not, THAT is when we get ourselves into real trouble and are most likely to end up with a result we do not want.
I think this applies very much in your sitch. You realize the reality. You know what you want. You have a plan, and as the focal point of that plan is allowing G-d to do His work.
Gotta love it!.
Wish I had more time, but need to get my girl up for school.
Hope you have a great weekend!
BS (me)
ExWS -Drac
DD 9
DSS 15
D Day 11/06
Divorced 10/01/07
"You Can't Fix Stupid" - My Mom
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Queenie:
Your doing well. Mr. Q doesn't like what he sees in the mirror.
THere are ways you can help him with this, and much that he has to do to fix it, and himself, by himself.
The interactions with his son are good first steps.
LG
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Hi Holy and Bugs.... I'll be back to ya in a few.. But LG, you are still on.
Help me understand what they ways are that I can help him with this? Other than just being prayerful, loving, and peaceful not matter what.
I agree, the interractions with his son's are good steps and he even sees every action he can do for them can be making living amends to the children. I was thinking that he did ALOT of damamge and it must look like a very steep mountain for him and he is trying to take it one day at at time to clean it up.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Hi Queenie, Hugs and trick or treat!
For awhile just let it "be". Don't overthink, as you say to me "be silent". This did not happen overnight and it will not fix itself with a bandaid.
Right now what you have is "time" and that is sometimes what it takes. God bless.
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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 Be Still Queenie Be Still I don't pray for patience and get this in my life continually. Shabbat Shalom y'all..... Happy Halloween. Oh did I happen to mention that H turns 50 tomorrow, my Halloween baby.... He seems to REALLY be struggling with THIS birthday. He didn't find the application for AARP such a great deal. I DID. I want the discounts.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Ok, back I am. We have more people getting sick.... I wouldn't mind a vacation again. Oh well, be careful what I wish for. Hi Holy, thanks for stopping by. I just will always remember the credit card brillance forever. thank you for your well wishes and positive thoughts. It really does help alot. I am very proud of you in what I have read here. You recognize the Reality and are willing to deal with it in a thoughtful, prayerful, and MB plan way! Outstanding. I learned this from you Bugs... to be a Goddess, to not sell myself short even when I want to. And to keep on keeping on. You have taught me so much.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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the focal point of that plan is allowing G-d to do His work. This is ABSOLUTELY the truth...
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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the focal point of that plan is allowing G-d to do His work. This is ABSOLUTELY the truth... Amen, Amen, Amen 
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Just stopping by to say that you are awesome. You MUST stay on this board and continue to spew your wisdom....
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Shabbat Shalom, Mr and Mrs Adventures!
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Hi Queenie,
I have not posted to your thread before, but I have read through most of it. You give me hope when I have none. I am currently in Plan B (just started it 3 days ago actually). I have a question for you: in one of your posts, you had mentioned that you thought you and your H getting involved in an Amway type of business was the beginning of your marriage problems (or something to that effect). My WH got involved with a similar type of business 3 years ago and I feel the same way. Can you expand on why you feel or felt that this particular business was a problem for your marriage? I was curious because I feel that my marriage was impacted for the negative by this type of business also.
Thank you,
BW (me - 45)
WH - 45
2 DDs
Married 20 years, together 25
DDay Spring 2009
WH moves out Summer 2009 and in with OW
Plan A - 4 months
Very dark Plan B Fall 2009
WH files D Summer 2010
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