Hi AnneMarie,

Welcome to MB. I'm sorry I am not familiar with your situation, but I will look at it once I get to Bests. She has been way too patient. Thank you so much for the kind words. I really am grateful to G-d when someone can take comfort and hope from my story because there really was a LONG period of time when it LOOKED, SMELLED, and TASTED hopeless.

I bet the advice and input you have gotten thus far has been the best, I know it was for me. I hated being here, didn't want to belong to this club, but it SAVED my life.

I should really go back and read what the context was because reading it now doesn't give a good accuracy.

There were many problems in my marriage and at one time and for a great many years I believe that business solved our problems, gave us direction, dreams and hopes, and gave us tools to have a happy marriage. I thought it delayed any divorce that might have happened.

After H and I started talking and when he revealed to me that he had had multiples affairs and how they took place I realized that the Amway business allowed so much of it to happen. I was the dutiful supportive wife encouraging him to go out and build the business. He would be gone, night after night and I would encourage it all the while he was sleeping around.

On the whole to be honest, I really support the World Wide Dreambuildingers organization in Amway. I believe they stand for family values and right and wrong. What happened in my marriage I don't believe is indicative of the company, plan or organization as it is a testament to the character of my H and his addictions.

I don't know if that makes sense or gives you the answer you want. I would LOVE to be able to blame someone or something, but the TRUTH is, what happened to my marriage is because of my H and me.

How are you doing in Plan B. How do you feel your Plan A went?

Hi Queenie,

The reason that I felt that the networking marketing business was bad for our marriage is because it gave WH the opportunity to have the A without my questioning him. We had made it to certain level in the business, and he really wanted to push to get to the next one. We sat down with the DDs one day and the four of us made a pact that WH would pursue the business hard for the next year, even if that meant being gone 7 nights a week. I was to take care of the DDs so that their life remained much the same with activities, etc and would participate in the business as much as I could within reason. So, 6 months in to the agreement, WH started his A with OW and I never questioned his whereabouts. He would never have gotten away with it otherwise.

The business itself was not to blame and it gave WH some hopes and dreams about life, but I don't think they were or are realistic. WH is looking for a person or thing to make him happy. If he just had the "perfect" wife, if he just got enough attention, if his DDs didn't fight with each other, if we just had enough $$, the right house, the right business, a motorcycle, THE car, and on and on. He hasn't figured out yet that happiness comes from within and that life is what you make of it. I have tried for many years to get him to see that, but I have failed him in that regard.

I am not blaming our network marketing business for what happened - their philosophy is "God, Family, Business." But, unfortunately, WH is "Me, Me, Me, Business, Family, God." That's where the problem lies and I know that.

My Plan A back in May/June was really, really good. It wasn't great the rest of the summer, because Steve H. had recommended Plan B and I couldn't get WH to leave our home. I had no place to go with DDs, so we were forced to try over the summer to continue with Plan A. WH wasn't trying at all from what I could tell to stop contact with OW(but he thinks he was). WH kept getting caught making contact with OW all summer and that was a major LB for him. On top of all that, our software business was wrestled away from WH by his business partner (due in part to the A), so both WH and I lost our jobs and income. Our only income now is from the network marketing business (which WH keeps trying to keep me from getting to).

Everything is pretty much a mess. I realize that I have to work on ME now - Plan B. It looks, smells and tastes pretty hopeless to me. I do feel better without contact right now.

I absolutely do agree with this. I think this part gave them the ability to be gone and we didn't even question it. In fact encouraged it.

Back in October 07, G-d smacked me over the head with this realization. WH was absolutely miserable in his life and he was running and blaming ME for everything. He wanted someone to make him happy, but the reality is it's not my job nor anyone elses. His happiness comes from G-d and that relationship.

Plan B was my saving grace of serenity and peace. It was so hard at first, but it was during this time that I believe G-d really worked in me and my life. It was when G-d had the time to design me into Queenie and have me become the woman he always meant me to be.

Believer's mantra was affairs almost ALWAYS end.

My MANTRA - you DON'T know what is happening on the other side. have FAITH and walk in TRUST of what G-d can do no matter how hopeless..

Shabbat Shalom, Mark, Bellevue, Sunflower, Miriam, Pretty, etc...

Happy Friday everyone. It's been quite a week, I'll be back to post...

But my boss would like attention.

Inquiring minds want to know??? I hope it has been "quite a good week"...

Shabbat Shalom, Queenie!

Shabbat Shalom, Y'all!

Keep that light shining my friend.....

bump to Queenie. Thinking of you.

Hi there Hope.... I am sitting here with breakfast on the stove, waiting for H to come home from the breakfast meeting because I want to have a night at home where we don't have to go to a meeting. I think it's been almost two months since we had that kind of night.

What a week this has been. In some ways, it's been so hard, in some ways it's been good and after yesterday it was necessary. So often I forget the very BASIC essential ingredient to recovery whether it be personal or marital and that's too just be still. G-d works in my life when I let him in, but the funny thing, it's not in my time. I also forget how he may be working in certain experiences to teach me something and that NO MATTER what, I walk in FAITH and TRUST...

First let me put this disclaimer in. MANY of you have explained that marital recovery is harder that we imagined. We don't know what we don't know. And I like so many others just simply didn't understand. When you learn like I did that you can't control anyone but yourself, it sound reasonable, but putting it into practice is hard. And then of course are the nasty old behavior for ME that still exist and always will because I am an alcoholic and addict. And when I let my character defects run me.... my life becomes unmanageable.

So, Wednesday we our day in court for the driving non moving tickets that my son got this summer one night on our way home. A little background. We got pulled over in H's car for a light out on the license plate and it turns out that WH didn't have insurance because well let's just say his life was totally unmanageable and he didn't have the money to pay for his insurance. He has comcast bundle remember, how could he pay for his insurance.

So... YS got the ticket, jerk of a cop, and we appeared in court. Because it was TWO moving violations the judge reduced the non-insurance ticket to 125.00 and we deferred the fix it ticket to 150.00. The long and short was we had to cough up 275.00. Now H hasn't been paid for his 80 because he works billable hours. His paycheck was only for 53 hours. However, he does make side money and had 200.00 in cash on him. The long and short of it was, instead of paying the cash and a check for the amount... he paid the total with our household check. So I asked him about it and he gave me a "poor me answer". I'll just put the money in the bank.

After about an hour of praying to g-d for guidance, I text him that I was going to my sponsors house and would be back. However, H wasn't done with his pitty potty and so we went to a mtg.... I tried to explain to him my experience and perspective and he just SHUT DOWN.... I DETEST that behavior, but I just stayed with G-d, stayed cool and kept my side of the street clean.

We came home, he was still grouchy and headed to sleep without saying goodnight. That's totally unacceptable OLD behavior and I said something. He said, I'm not mad at YOU. I'm mad at ME. I was very proud of him for saying that, and wished him a peaceful sleep and left him alone.

Gotta get breakfast ready for him. Be back in a while

Hi Not, nice to see you girl. I've been bored on yahoo..... come visit me...

So.... next morning he rolls over and hugs and kisses me for the day. He owns up to some behavior and we just settle things for the time being. I'm actually good to go on this. Because it's NOT MINE...

So.. fast forward to yesterday. H got up and took YS to work at 5:30 am and then went to his mtg. Came home and mentioned that he wanted to go to mall and get some tools. I might mention that on Thursday I have a text convo with H about since we both had selfish sides, that maybe instead of just giving, giving, giving, we find a way to fee out takers...... It actually felt really good for me to say this, because my taker needs feeding right now....

So... off to the mall we went. He looked at tools, he got some exercise stuff, while I walked around and looked at new washer and dryer and tv. Then we looked at watches for him. Then went walking into the mall and had an absolute blast. I took him to the stores my OS worked at. Then we went into payless shoes and we both got a pair of shoes. I really like having two incomes again. Thank you G-d. I don't forget to give him the glory for this.

Then we went and sat down for a Starbucks and just people watched and laughed and laughed. It was so much fun. Then I mentioned that I had wanted to get my nose pierced at one time and he said let's check into it. So we found out it was 65.00 at the mall. No go... Even I don't want to spend that kind of money.

YS was FINALLY done after 12 hours of working in the pouring rain. We went and got him and on the way home he asked if we would drop off at GF's house, so we did and then went out to dinner at a place that we chose at the same time. We had a nice time, then on the way out I don't remember which one mentioned about the tatoo place and seeing how much a nose piercing would be, but we went and checked it out. almost 90 minutes later, I walked out with my nose pierced and total gratitude in my heart to G-d. You see, I had entertained getting my nose pierced when he was gone as a way of being more hip for him. But it was always too expensive in my mind and how would I justify it. Never in my dreams did it include not only H going with me, but holding my hand.

We came home and are just sitting here having a relaxing day together.

Oh I forgot the most important part. At dinner, H and I walked through what had happened on Wednesday and after talking to MarriedForever, I came up with a solution when this type of situation happens.

I am learning to set boundaries and what we have agreed on, through POJA is that when he gets in those selfish, a ho moods, I am simply going to tell him that his behavior is a LB for me and that to preserve my love for him, I am going to leave and just enjoy myself or at the very least protect myself from his behavior. He was good with that and understood what I was trying to do.

I asked him what was working for him in our marriage and he told me that the way we are talking is what he is really enjoying and liking. It's new and it's not easy. I'm finding that there are ways to talk through stuff, but not when it's happening. And it's at those times that I hold closer to G-d, ask for help and just be still.

Good stuff Queenie!

((((((queenie))))),


(nose-piercing???!!!.... REALLY.... :o)

Loves ya honey

Not

Yes... prude... old fashioned skinsgal..... got her NOSE pierced.

Hi Bugs... how are you? I am so enjoying the pictures. LOL Thank you for your support.

I love you too Not... come on and see me at yahoo when you can... ok

Ell if you remember I DID have pink hair for awhile!!!!

My Internet will be back up and running sometime tomorrow, so I'll catch ya sometime this week

works for me. I actually forgot about that. Good for you!!!

As long as you don't get your tongue pierced! lol

well I entertained that. Evidently that's NOT the most sensitive area.

What a week you had, Queenie. Court, meetings, communicating with Mr. Q, being still, him recognizing his yucky behavior, shopping, breakfast, and then top it all off with a piercing... Woo-hoo! You go, Girl!

Good stuff, Beautiful. Keep it going.

And stay dry.