BH, many of us have heard this moronic crap about "getting over it". It is shocking that any therapist would tell you this. Makes me want to puke(on the therapist, preferably).
I was like a cat on a hot tin roof for a couple years after discovery and still am nowhere near what I was.

WH trying to get me off pc so we can have discussion as not seen him today both been at work etc. I will reply tomorrow if thats ok also im feeling really tearful and dont have he strenght to face how im feeling right now. I cant thank you guys enough though for everything so far its as if i was in a fog and your my shining light. Communication with WS is really good right now so im going to go talk to him about todays disoveries. Night night

Hey ML your statement is true i have days of immense hatred for him and even go as far as wishing he got hit by a bus! Hes the cuddly one, hes the one chasing me for affection and sometimes i let my guard down because it takes energy to be angry all day and i simly dont have that kind of energy. But saying that if he stopped cuddling me i think i would soon notice that. so i guess i must still care and its just my "survival instincts" kicking in.
In answer to your question regarding parent A is fully exposed and i find myself telling absolute strangers about it! I do feel insane when i do that but i just want the whole world to know and understand!!! so my parents (i only have my mother who lives an hour away) do know about affair and as my mother was the OW and i was the result of an A with married man (my father) she isnt supportive, she just want me to get over it! My father has no contact with me due to pain caused by him and my mother to his family wehn tehy had an affair and i was born, so he doesent acknowledge my exsistance and his family hate me for just being born, i have never had any contct with my half sisters because i ahve been told that their mother has nervous brakedown just thinking about my exsistance. His parents are supportive but reserved in nature cant see them doing an intervention of any kind this lifetime.
Sugarcane - Coaching centre cotnact will start next week, i have tryed homeopathy for post A shock but didnt try hypnotherapy and will definitley consider it after coaching is underway, WH did pay privately for hypnotherapy and thereapist comes reccomended from homeopath so trusted and as WH has seen him in past this will aid my treatment because he will be aware of my history etc
I did go to GP after A and was put on antidepressants, they made me feel like a machine, i was able to function but not feel and had an unpleasant side effect of numbing my intimate experiences with WH, they effectively made my whole private area numb. Stuck with anti depressants for 6 months but came off them 3 weeks ago as was too ill (this time with virus and was sick alot) to keep them down and now have decided to stay off them, i dont see why i should be medicated just to get through the day, i want to recover properely not put a fake patch on things.
I definitley think i have PTSD but dotn have any confidence in the NHS to get help for it so maybe after coaching will look into seeking help privately.

PS forgot to mention 4 months after A i actually had a TIA (mini stroke) im only 28!!!! I do smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day but could the A really cause me to have a mini stroke? or was it just a coincidence? I was hospitalised had cat scan and got immediate treatment as stroke happened when i was at work so collegues noticed face drooping 1/2 body numb and loss of speech and got me help immediately so i feel lucky for that.

I was telling everyone and his brother for a while, BH. It's like you just can't control it.
Your mom and father are wracked by guilt(hopefully) and that is why they are not able to support you.
You were an innocent child and there lck of support is shocking.

Zelmo im sorry that you had to go through that i really am and im sorry that im glad that you were telling people too and couldnt control it, I was starting to feel like an insane maniac lol.
As far as parents go i have 28 years experience of having dealt with their inability to care about me and put me first and to be honest im numb to that. I know I can come accross as a weak person but im really not in daily life, i stand up for myself i say what i think so thats why i was confused by my phisical reaction to Affair, Its wasnt like me to fall apart, i have been a survivor of many horrors but this one just seem to have got me like no other.

Dear God, Bh! I'm so sorry to hear about this.

I don't know if the affair could have caused TIA, but smoking 40 cigarettes a day could most certainly have. I am surprised that you are still smoking after having had children. Many women give up in pregnancy for the baby's sake, and stay off afterwards for the health of their children. Do realise how badly your smoking affects their health, even though I know you will insist that you do not do this near them? I don't see how you can smoke 40 a day and never be near them. Smoke from outside the backdoor still drifts inside the house.

I am even more surprised that you have not given up even having had a TIA.

Hasn't your medical team explained that TIA is actually a stroke, not a "mini- stroke"? it is a stroke that is very soon overcome by the body:

When the brain loses blood supply, it tries to restore blood flow. If blood supply is restored, function may return to the affected brain cells, permitting return of function to the affected body part. This is what happens with a TIA (transient ischemic attack). Some may consider this a mini-stroke, however, in reality, it is a stroke that resolved or improved functionality to the affected body part.

By definition, a TIA resolves within 24 hours, but most TIA symptoms resolve within a few minutes.

TIA facts

Haven't your doctors insisted that you give up smoking yesterday? Do you realise that, having had a TIA, you are at high risk of another stroke? Are they controlling your blood pressure and cholesterol in order to bring down your risk?

TIAs cannot be ignored since they are warning signs for a potential future stroke. Ten percent of people with TIAs will have a stroke within three months. The purpose of accessing medical care is to help minimize risk factors to help decrease that 10% risk. Published studies in 2007 suggest that if blood pressure is tightly controlled, cholesterol levels are reduced with medication, and smoking cessation is begun, the risk of future stroke can be reduced to 2%.

TIA: Next steps

How can you malign our FREE health service when you are still smoking after such a serious incident?

My father had a stroke in his early 50s, and had serious weakness in his left body thereafter. He had to retire from his job, which was desk-based (and he was right-handed). He could still speak clearly and write, but the exhaustion of his disabilities did not allow him to go out to work. I have seen what strokes do and it is not pretty.

This is about your children, Bh. Whether the affair caused the TIA or not, and regardless of what happens to your marriage, your children need you. Stop smoking yesterday, PLEASE.

Hey SC Yes i hear you totall and Im not going to make excused about my smoking however I never ever ever smoked while pregnant and really feel strongly about that, I gave up the instant the pregnancy test came back positive with every single one of my 4 babies. I do admit that it wasnt pure will power it was greatly aded by the fact that i had morning sickness and just the smell of a cigarette made me vomit no end. This however seams to disappear after the baby is born and each time i restarted smoking 2-3 months after their births. My second child has a congenital heart defect and spent the first 18 months of his life in hospital (i was with him WH was at work), he has stopped breathing and i have resussitated him at home on one occasion so although i do smoke a hell of a lot i dont do it in the house. I have a special Jumper i wear when i smoke outside and take it off when i get in.
WH non smoker and hates me smoking especially after TIA but i thought along the lines of "its my vice and im entitled to one" but now after being in bed for 12 days ill and not being able to do much as i caught a virus thats just going round, its nothing serious but has floored me i have decided to stop neglecting my heath and quit smoking and my biggest incentive is that i want to use money saved from Cigarettes to get the coaching, this will work for me because i really want the coaching.
If i weaken i will definitley be calling the hypnotherapist! he has a good track record regarding stopping smoking. The TIA was a big deal and i even refused the CAT scan for a while because part of me was glad that if i got ill people can see on the outside how messed up i was on the inside, but remembering the babies i brought into this world i came to my senses and agreed to CAT scan. I am going for blood tests on monday to rule out anything else as my body has taken a battering the last year (OD's, Smoking, TIA, Lack of sleep, anxyety, constaint vomiting, tummy upset, dizzy spells etc.).
Before A i have not had any medical problems was fit and healthy and felt well now my body is falling apart!

Bh, this makes me very concerned. A TIA is warning sign for a big stroke.

My mom fell ill from a stroke when I was a teenager. She never really recovered and she died when I was 21. That is the greatest tragedy in my life. My cousin had a stroke when she was 35 and she has three small children. She is partly paralyzed and can't take care of herself and of course she can't take care of her children either.

Please think about you children and do everything you can to stay healthy. The stress from the affair adds to the negative load on your health but you can get rid of some of the load if you stop smoking and make sure that you are exercising and eating healthy. Use the help and advice from your doctor and go to see a counselor if you need help to relax and relieve stress.

That is EXACTLY how I feel about belonging. I don't belong in my house, this state but when I think about going back east I feel sick. I am a woman without a country. It doesn't matter to me if I live in a hotel room or a mansion. You just don't care.

Bump for [censored]