You sound good Miriam, I'm glad. I'm truly glad. I have missed you.

I'm kinda just in the mood, that which does NOT kill us, makes us stronger and we are becoming stronger and stronger in spite of the screwed up circumstances and things put before us.

We keep learning that we can't control what others do, just ourselves.

This is by far a tough road for you, but you are truly doing an amazing job of growing and learning to take care of yourself. Your words are coming across more calmly or at peace. I'm glad.

Miriam

Thank you, Queenie. You have also clearly turned a corner...

I'm just doing "drive bys" right now because am traveling too much to stay up with the boards.

Got a question. WH and I still married so can do 08 taxes as "married". PBL had contact info for my accountant because I knew he wouldn't want to send me his info as in years past (I always did taxes). I also indicated in PBL that if he didn't want to use my accountant I would understand and asked him to propose someone else. Idea is that we'd both send her our stuff, she'd do the taxes and send the final out to each one of us to review and sign, then back to her for her sig and she'd file.

Well, he called last week and refused to send his stuff - what he wanted instead was for her to fill out my part and have me sign then send to him - he'd finish filling out the form, sign and send into IRS. She explained that she'd never agree to let something go from her office that wasn't the final filing.

And it should go without saying that I won't sign an IRS filing until I see the final form, either, and I'm certainly not sending up a half-completed electronic form with no control over it.

So I had IM email him and explain that, then ask for counterproposal (different accountant or different method) since I wouldn't agree to sign a half-done tax return.

Now, it's obvious he doesn't want me to see something: (a) filing status? I already know that he filled out his W4 as single at the beginning of the year, which suggests that he was planning this all year...amount coming back? Obviously alot...does he want to control where the refund goes? You can tell the IRS to deposit whatever it whichever account...something else?

Anyone else had this one pop up? If so, what was it in your case?

Incidentally, IM told him that if it was his intention that I not see the final filing before submission, to let him know and I'd file separately. He's already going to get all the deductions - I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and be done with it.

- M

Miriam --

FYI if you file under the status "married, filing seperatly" then whomever files first determines the use of standard or itemized deductions.

For example if you file first under MFS, and use the standard deduction -- then your husband must also file under MFS and he may NOT itemize...

What deductions would you or he have??

Just make sure that if you file together, that you get a refund CHECK and NOT funds electronically transferred into an account.

Made this mistake and WH took the whole refund. If it had been a check, we would have had to BOTH sign in order for it to be cashed.

As for refund, L told me today that I'm still entitled to half whether I want it now (through court order if he won't give voluntarily) or in the settlement.

Re: deductions - I haven't got any to speak of - the house mortgage loan is in his name only (although the house is in both names because I put in most of the cash to purchase it) - itemizing would make sense together, probably, but for me personally, not so much...although I haven't run the numbers both ways yet. After your input, Lexxy, I will.

Holyheart, good to hear that you're entitled to half regardless. I'll run that past the L - if that's the case then the "separate" thing makes even less sense because we'll both get less...but I just can't see signing off on a "joint" tax form when I don't see the final "joint" inputs and results.

Also your comment about check vs. epayment is another reason not to agree to let him do it.

M

Miriam:

Your PBL does not control your filing status.
Your W-4 means nothing to your filing status.
Your Wayward Husband wants all the cash.

File seperately. File electronically. And file today.

You have filed the taxes in the past, and you have a relationship with a preparer.

WH justs wants the cash. Your Attorney can subpeona his tax return later. You get to see everything that is on it.

If you have no real income, then it doesn't matter.

It you have a W-2 with some cash on it and withholding, then you insure that you get your own money back.

Your still married, but you are dealing with a wayward person. Who only has HIS own interests in mind. So, file seperately.

GET YOUR CASH.

Would the IRS/state get less cash overall if your filed jointly? Probably. But would you stake losing your $1,000 refund so that you MIGHT get an extra $300 from the IRS?

So, go to your accountant and file.

If you DO want to file with WH? Tell him to give ALL HIS STUFF TO YOUR EXISTING ACCOUNTANT. She can prepare ALL THE RETURNS, determine who gets what and how much, and even file a form with the IRS, electronically, depositing the refund in TWO accounts. Your portion in yours, and his in his. DO NOT SETTLE for anything less. You will just end up without your share of the refund, and fighting for it in the divorce.

BTW, I'm a CPA.

LG

LG:

Your last paragraph was the plan - it's exactly what I suggested, right down to the deposits into each account - and what he doesn't want to do. So much for that.

Re: getting my cash - I will probably end up owing money since I won't be sharing the deductions for the house, etc. and had withholdings coming out under assumption that we would be filing together - and I don't have any of the info re: mortgage (which he paid 100% of, but I paid into the household, too and most of the equity is mine) - that's the point; I'll end up taking the hit if I file separately - he'll take a hit, too, but not as much of one because he'll end up claiming 100% of the deductions for the mortgage, etc.

But he's had a week to respond and hasn't - and I'd about made up my mind to proceed, anyway, so will do it this weekend. Thanks for the input - and I agree about him just wanting the cash. I got that.

Just found my old thread. Had taken a couple of months off then started coming back ... or trying to come back ... got a lot of reading and catching up to do with folks and then will post some of my own. Good to be here and "see" you all again - missed everyone!!!

- M

Good to see you. How are YOU doing and what's happening on your end.

Queenie - gonna start a new thread in a sec - REALLY good to read your thread - back in a minute...

OK... can't wait.. I got my coffee, fire and a quiet house.

I got the coffee and the almost quiet house and a lake out back and frost - lotsa frost - but no fire. I'm jealous. :-) Back soon.

OK.... I'll go take my shower. I have decided to run my errands early so I can come home and fix something special for my H. He had to go into work today.

I bet the lake with frost is just amazing to view. Is it blue skies?

Be back too....

Miriam, I read your post and am so filled with sorrow and feel diminished by the relative paltriness of my own situation compared to yours. Like you, WW and I were married only 6-1/2 years, but Dday for me was only six weeks ago, and we've rushed headlong into separation (and possible D) just six months hence. I cannot fathom how someone could go through what you have, enduring knowledge of (and ongoing) the A for over a year, trying to keep a growing business afloat, and the rest. I don't think I could do it.

And despite the crushing blow to my emotional health and ego, I don't stand to lose all like you are facing. I guess it's true: If we were all to gather in a room together and throw our troubles into the middle, we'd likely pick ours up again rather than take up someone else's.

Your lesson to me is about dignity, taking the high road, and standing on principles. Thank you for that. Now if only I can adopt that same point of view...

You can. It's bloody hard, but you can.

Go to "No Longer Wavering" for the next bit. As you'll see, I didn't handle it well forever. :-)

doing sick kitty at this second - back (at new thread) in a few.