I have exposed and my WW parents have been very supportive. We have been talking much more and sort of working together to end the A.

At this time, I have a lot of information from my keylogger. I have sexual banter, as well as the half lies she is telling her online friends and OM. Do you think it's appropriate to send this stuff to her parents, or simply talk to them about it, or leave them out of the details? I value their opinion and could use their help in trying to break through the fog of my WW.

I've heard it said to not involve family in recovery, but what about as an ally to fight the affair?

Is there a line not to cross?

IMO- BE CAREFUL! Blood can be thick-and some time it clots very quickly!

I have learned that even if fury is running in my in-laws veins- it is still the same blood as my WH. And I do not have the same blood- even after 23 yrs---and these are all people who I thought had the right morals and believed in the word of God!

I hope the situation is different for you.

I would think that showing them how GROSS she is being would be an instant eye-opener. If I got news my D was doing that - with the details, she wouldn't be sitting for a week!

Exposure is your best tool to end the affair. However, you may want to simply tell her that you have evidence of an affair and show it to her if she asks to see it. Yes, blood is thicker than water but adultery is still adultery.

Because blood is thicker than water, many families actually care enough about their child to stop the affair. A caring family member does not overlook destructive behavior just because they are related.

I agree that if you care about your child or relative you try to stop destructive behavior- I know in my family this has many times been the case- even if the loved one was upset about it at the time.

Unfortunately as I would suppose many have experienced this is not the case- exposure is a good thing- you just cannot control what others will do faced with the information. sometimes silence is acceptance- even if that is not what you feel about the situation.

I think it's good to let them know that you do have concrete evidence of the A. I don't think it's necessary to give them the goods right now. Hang onto it, though.

Hi Mel,

I agree that "many" care enough to get involved in order to stop the affair, but "many MORE" stay on the sidelines. Why?

1. He or she is an adult and is capable of making their own decisions.
2. We don't want to get involved in personal matters.
3. We are only getting one side of the story and shouldn't act based upon a partial picture.
4. Sometimes these things "just don't work out".

I think these are all a hill of rubbish, but I've heard 'em. And it's reflective of our changing society.

Personally, I get along great with my MIL, she thinks highly of me, thinks her daughter will wake up one day from her abhorrent behavior, BUT doesn't want to lose the relationship she has with her daughter. And going against W, who is seeing rainbows, and hearing soothing harps, and feeling the warmth of a clear and sunny day -- okay, fog -- will be a losing proposition for her. So she takes no adversarial position.

To answer the initial question, whatever I say to MIL, I ASSUME it will get back to W. I can use her as a de-facto messenger. Granted, I didn't do this initially, but I do now. Now, I freely utilize the edit button with MIL, and realize it's a way to get MY message across to WW without it coming DIRECTLY from me.

Hopefully, that makes sense.

TB