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BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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I am so sorry, Queenie. I will add her to my prayer list.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49 DS 30 DD 21 DS 15 OCDS 8
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Thank you so much.
Someone wrote on her FB, keep your chin up?
WTF......
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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Thank you Stay
Merry Christmas - Faithful and Stay.....
Thank you
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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Oh Queenie, how awful for your friend. Prayers from Dallas.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Thank you PM.
Merry Christmas to you.
If you have any thoughts on how I can help her, please let me know. I have NO idea what she must be feeling. I just know she is hurting and I want to be a support for her.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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Stay strong for your friend Queenie.
Me 48 XWAW 42 M 18Y D day 9/14/08 Plan A&B for months One false R DS12 (my life) DD23 D Final 5-14-09
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When I worked in NICU ... We'd take polaroid photos of all babies who died or who were going to die. Making the baby (even the severely deformed ones) look as good as possible. We'd offer the photo to the family. If they said "NO" we'd hold on to the photo for a little while. They usually changed their minds.
I am telling you this so you might suggest your friend request photos. It is their precious baby, living or not, deformed or not.
I'm so sorry.
There is nothing you can do except listen. Maybe do some grocery shopping/cooking for them.
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OM Gosh, Kick, HOW ARE YOU?
Thank you and Merry Christmas. I have thought of you often. I have to take son to drs, but please can we talk soon?
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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When I worked in NICU ... We'd take polaroid photos of all babies who died or who were going to die. Making the baby (even the severely deformed ones) look as good as possible. We'd offer the photo to the family. If they said "NO" we'd hold on to the photo for a little while. They usually changed their minds.
I am telling you this so you might suggest your friend request photos. It is their precious baby, living or not, deformed or not.
I'm so sorry.
There is nothing you can do except listen. Maybe do some grocery shopping/cooking for them. What a wonderful idea Pep, thank you so much. I'll make that suggestion. We are having a private AA meeting at my sponsors house tonight. As for food, that's all taken care of, but I'll keep trying. Thank you and Merry Christmas.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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Thank you so much.
Someone wrote on her FB, keep your chin up?
WTF...... Queenie, many times people have no clue what to say. So instead of keeping their mouths shut, they say STUPID things. I learned that after my miscarriage. Then I wondered how many times I had said stupid, clueless things to someone hurting after the loss of a baby. I can usually give people grace now when they say something stupid during times like this. They WANT to respond and just don't know how. It's just like infidelity. People don't know what to say. They have NO IDEA the depth of the pain. They end up causing more hurt then if they'd just keep quiet.
Last edited by sexymamabear; 12/23/09 03:45 PM.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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I am so sorry for your friend.
Best advice I can give is really understand that she is PREGNANT and will delivery a BABY, regardless of how far along she is and regardless of the health of the baby.
Until I miscarried, there was so much I didn't know. I was in my 4th month and had begun to wear maternity cloths (I show really early).
I was so sad to get back into my size 2/4. It was a reminder of what I lost.
1 1/2 months after I miscarried, my SIL had twins (that she didn't want-but that's a whole other rant). When I held my nephews, I had the sensation of my milk letting down. I was shaking inside as the grief rushed back in. I asked my dr. about it. He said it was perfectly normal, especially for a mom who had nursed previous children, to have these sensations for months.
In the months after this pregnancy concludes, remember SHE is thinking about her babies 24/7. Just like after D-day, you thought of your loss 24/7. You don't need magic words. Just BE there for her to talk to and cry with.
It's like the world goes on and forgets that you knew and loved the baby(ies).
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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Last edited by BerlinMB; 12/24/09 12:00 PM. Reason: tos
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Thank you so much.
Someone wrote on her FB, keep your chin up?
WTF...... Thats ok. People are nervous and don't know what to say. It was said in kindness and compassion, I assure you. I am so sorry for your friend.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Queenie i am sooo sorry for your friend.
What pepperband said is correct most NICU or even regular OB RN's at the hospital will offer her the opportunity to have the babies pics taken. I have a very good friend who lost a set of twins fairly far along and she has a small photo album of them and their little family... she has since had one baby and eight months later prego with twins again.
As for not knowing what to do or say for her, that is normal. I lost three babies before i was able to have my daughter. The things that mattered most to me where the friends that would just come be with me during and after. They would take me out to just get out of the house afterwards but knew if i had to cry that there was no problem with that either. Just be there for your friend and that will mean the most to her.
Your an awesome person and have grown so much as a person that i know you will be able to convey the kind of compassion you do her to your IRL friend as well. I am so sorry for your friend, she will be in my prayers as she goes through this difficult time.
Truth can stand on it's own two feet....A lie needs support....FRM
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I lift my prayers up for your friend, her babies, and your friend's family, Queenie. I'll also pray for you as you help your friend through this.
God bless.
Me (FWW): 45 BH: 46 M: 11/94 PA: 2/08 (4 mos) Confessed: 10/08 DS10 DD8
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Queenie, so sorry for your friend. Adding her to my prayer list.
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
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Thank you all so very much. You know I have been a firm believer that G-d doesn't give you more than he can handle. I believe that he gives you what you need to reach out to him, but even after this there is more and I just need to let it out.
My friend is waiting to hear what the test results are from her dr regarding the remaining babies. Her day began her H waking up late, on the way to work he got stopped by the cops. Evidently there was a warrant out for his arrest.
He is in jail, there is no bail and even if there was bail, there are no judges in court until NEXT Monday.
The car has been impounded and she is off finding out where the car is, paying the fines and getting the car home.
As I sit here praying for her and her family, I am watching the news and hearing about two OTHER shootings of cops in this area, the more serious one is not doing well at all. And there was a mother and her 13 week old baby found shot to death yesterday.
There is so much pain.... So much pain on here as well.... I know that G-d will take care of it and work it all out, but I hurt for them.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84 D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09 WH and OW broke up 1-09 Started over 7-09
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Queenie,
I am so sorry to hear of this. Prayers going out from Ohio.
Love....
BS - me 56 XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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