Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,902
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,902
This is from the Associated Press, I hope I get the link right.

AP Article

Basically, two women entered into a civil union in Vermont (closest thing allowed to a marriage) in 2000. One of them was artificially inseminated and gave birth to a daughter in 2002.

Then, in 2003 the couple broke up because the birth mother renounced homosexuality and became an evangelical Christian.

The birth mother will not let the other mother see the child, and the other mother took her to court and now has been awarded custody. The supreme courts of VA and VT said it was a custody dispute just like any other heterosexual couple. It has gone to the supreme court and they won't hear the arguments.

Personally, I am a Christian, but I resent when the government legislates morality. I don't think that is a solution to behavior problems that do no harm to the general public. So I think it's great that the rule of law has won the day here. I can't recall hearing about a custody issue with a same sex marriage before.

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,037
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,037
The sperm donor should be rewarded custody.


I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,902
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,902
HA HAAAA!

Excellent point Pariah.

But here's the funny thing - we hold SUCH regard for who the genes actually come from. Some of the Xs out here are basically sperm or egg donors and did little in contributing to the development of the kids. But when divorce time comes, they have "rights" simply because of a genetic link. Since the courts like to hang a lot of credence on the power of the biological parent, without regard as to whether or not they ARE the parent, I think you may be right.

They should show up at the sperm donors doorstep and say "Here's your kid...."

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,458
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,458
Unless the lesbian mother donated her egg, she has NO biological connection with this child, and I'm of the opinion that if she was the egg donor, it would probably have been so stated by now. In that case, the court would be ruling that the birth mother was, in essence, a surrogate, with severely diminished rights to the child she bore. In so many other cases, biology was the trump card that determined custody, even when the child had been adopted and with another family for years. I'm at a loss to understand how biology has now become completely irrelevant.

tl

Last edited by thndrnltng; 12/30/09 10:59 AM.
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,902
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,902
One of the lesbian mothers was artificially inseminated, so she is the biological mom, carrying the child and giving birth. She renounced the homosexuality and is not letting her partner, to whom she was married and they agreed to do this together, see the child.

The courts have given custody to the partner - the one with no biological connection saying that that would ensure both parents would get to see the kid.

If for some reason I was "shooting blanks" and my ex and I went to a sperm bank to have our three kids, I would, having raised them as long as I did, consider them "mine" whether they were genetically mine or not.

Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 349
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 349
Some what of a T/J but Cat Cora from the Iron Chef show is gay and with her partner, both are or were pregnant with each others egg.

Now what will happen if, they break up (given I think) since basically they each had each others child.


I hate the Big Brother/Gorverment thing, but I think the court missed on this one, the partner really have no claim on the child, and it's not like when at the end of a marriage the husband finds out that he is not the father, which he presumed he was (who wouldn't) the partner really has no legal rights.

That being said the re-nouncer of her gay life style should have let her former partner have visitation just like any other person in a failed relationship.


I'm a Christian and I really do hate it when people like the former lesbian changes their mind about their life style and go all militant with their views it's almost like tunnel vision.


Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 3,834
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 3,834
Its just another ugly custody battle.

The woman in VT, who is not the birth mother, but I will concede, probably held the syringe, is being supported in her court battles by lobbies that want equal rights for homosexual relationships.

This is just the first. In a few years, there will many more, because marriage it tough, and kids are forever.

The birth mother can say she ran because she is "Christian" but it is just an excuse. She ran because she is like every other mother or father that does not want thier children to see thier other parent. Selfish.

This case has been in the Washington Post every couple of weeks since 2004. That is some of the reason that they highlight so much that the birth mother has renounced homosexuality and turned into a "strident" or "extreme" Christian. She can't be someone who doesn't like the other person anymore.

Yes, it appears I am talking out of both sides of my mouth. But its just another sad custody case. Both sides are to blame.

LG





Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870
Originally Posted by NCWalker
But here's the funny thing - we hold SUCH regard for who the genes actually come from. Some of the Xs out here are basically sperm or egg donors and did little in contributing to the development of the kids. But when divorce time comes, they have "rights" simply because of a genetic link. Since the courts like to hang a lot of credence on the power of the biological parent, without regard as to whether or not they ARE the parent, I think you may be right.


I wonder if they think God is a man. I read "God is not a man that he can lie..." but I guess that the morals the child will grow up with will be genetically twisted too huh?

Last edited by sortingitout; 12/31/09 05:23 PM.

Me 56 Former BS
Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years.
4 children
DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4
Me former BS
DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr
DSs 26 and 23
Teilhard de Chardin..“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ...Sounds about right to me.
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,531
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,531
What's missing in this article is the legal status of the partner's parenthood of this child. For example, did she adopt the child at birth? Is she registered on the birth certificate as a parent? How does that work when there is a sperm donor? Honestly, I'm not sure how this works even in heterosexual marriages so there's a lot of info missing. In any event, from the child's point of view if she had an attachment to both "mothers", why should one be taken away based on a unilateral decision by the other?

Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870
I have this opinion of the gene pool issue. If you have a child and they inherit some of your traits, tendencys, etc. then considering that you have gone though puberty and learned how to PROPERLY deal with your emotional tendencies you will be the better choice as a parent then a stranger to deal with those issues. This is such a small area of guidance that it is pretty much drownedout by someone who is qualified

Then of course we have ppl who aren't grown up and have children.

Those children are better off being loved by a responsible person.

Who is the most qualified is the real issue here.

Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,531
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,531
Originally Posted by sortingitout
then considering that you have gone though puberty and learned how to PROPERLY deal with your emotional tendencies you will be the better choice as a parent then a stranger to deal with those issues.
The trouble is, this is an awefully huge assumption. There are many people out there breeding who shouldn't look after a goldfish, let alone raise a young human being. But that's a whole n'other issue.

Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 847
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 847
Actually, I have suspicions that one of the players in this drama is actually a former Marriage Builders member who is no longer active here. I just remember J being so very sad about losing her daughter when her partner had an affair with a man, began following a new religious path, and left with the baby.

(And yes, gay people have used MB)

Last edited by mojodiva; 01/10/10 10:38 AM.
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 349
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 349
Mojo I remember them sad tale and the outcome not good nor fair to the left behind partner, and small child.

Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 847
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 847
I'm glad I am not the only one who remembers her. I still think of her often and when this story hit, I felt heartbroken and angry for j. And because acess to the child was restricted as much as possible by the partner who left her, the child now has to handle a stressful situation of getting to know a new household... well, on top of the stress of being on the run.


Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 365 guests, and 78 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Bibbyryan860, Ian T, SadNewYorker, Jay Handlooms, GrenHeil
71,839 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5