Bingo, thats the problem, you cant see that we ARE trying to help you.

GO DO IT



Here's how *link*

thank you marital bliss. I admit categorically that I should have waited for as long as it took before meeting my current wife. I also agree that I was not mentally ready for a relationship and admit that this has created the problems in my current marriage. I have said that from the start and agreed that the timing was awful.
I am totally honest with myself in my failings. I have admitted my part in my awful first marriage and am seeing with very open eyes why we got to a spot a year ago when my wife felt so desperate as to do such an awful thing to us.
I state again. My ex was happy that I got together with my current and sometimes looks after our kids. It's not what it seems folks.

now I have confessed, can we look at tomorrow instead of dwelling on yesterday . please ?

ABSOLUTELY! I did not CHOOSE to date anyone that I would not consider marrying...I was 23 and single when I met Mr. W...

ETA: and he was 25 and single...

A married man would NOT have been on the menu for me...my CHOICE...

Mrs. W

You strayed from your first M before it was over. That makes you a wayward. And - hear me out, here: a wayward will maintain a wayward mindset until it no longer works for them or until they CHOOSE to change that mindset. A sense of entitlement while in a M that leads to actions that are not in the best interest of the M is wayward. A lifestyle of independent behavior while in a M is wayward. Conducting an emotional relationship with a member of the opposite sex while in a committed relationship is wayward. You didn't trip and land in your second relationship. No one sprinkled magic dust on you as you slept and tricked you into attaching to another woman. You CHOSE that. That's wayward.

Now that we've gotten that definition straight. I'm still in your corner (C'mon Fred, he's just resisting...he still needs you here

Even if that is true, your ex-wife didn't have the authority to tell you that committing adultery was okay...Adultery is ALWAYS wrong...that is a moral absolute...


From dictionary.com :

ADULTERY: voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse.

Yes, I think it is exactly what it seems...

Mrs. W

i'm done. Call me old fashioned but I believe in the romance of love and the fact that it is indeed possible to fall in love even though it might not be the perfect time and place.
If I was wayward then so be it. I admit it !! Happy now.
I truly adore my wife and have whole heartedly admitted that I was an a$$ because I hadn't learned how not to be and not listened to my wifes needs and thus her actions. I paid for my refusal to listen and learn and we have spent the last year happily picking up the pieces. I was having trouble with obsessing which is why I cam here in the first place and now feel like I have been kicked around for things that never happened.
I did trip and land on my second relationship, you were not there...I was. It was one of those OMG moments for us both and I suddenly found someone who I wanted to be with and she too. I was not prepared for it admittedly and made damned sure I messed things up, but I am wanting to recover and am not going to be made to feel any worse now.
Thank you those that helped. Good luck those who judge.....must be lovely being married to you !!!

who said I had sex !!!!! This is exactly the sort of BS judging that is preparing me to leave this site. I did not have sex until the decree nisi came through which is the English divorce paper that states that two people wish to divorce and why. Then I did have sex and plenty of it and still do. I am not being judged any more. How on earth is this helpful to my current marriage.

Grrr. I'm here. But only because I just got off my very boring Friday conference call and want a breather.

Believe it or not, I want to see Bingo do a turn-around. But this is very tough. Reading Bingo's posts is like watching the train wreck that became my marriage. From the other side.

You still dont get it...

We are not priests. We're not here to absolve you of your sins. Your confession is not the goal. We're trying to help you look at tomorrow by understanding how you got to where you are today.

Let me amend my prior one-word counsel (which was TIME, btw.) You also need to accept the concepts of PATIENCE(with yourself so you don't give up reading what we're trying to tell you) and EDUCATION (so you GET what we're trying to tell you.) You don't sound like an unintelligent person, bingo. I think you're going to get a real education about yourself here, with patience.

(And can I add: this post from you sounds like a lot of wayward spouses: Can't we just forget about it (the A) and move on?" See where you're a little 'waywardy' here?)

what am I not getting ? What do I need to turn around ?

Okay so you had an emotional Affair...That is just as bad if not worse. It is still an Affair. So if you keep wanting to justify it we are gonna keep reiterrating until you get it, see? otherwise we cannot move forward with repairing your relationship now.

im gone. it just sounds like a lot of bitter divorcees here. I am sorry or you, but I cannot change your pasts or mine. I am however going to change my future so that I never have to be anywhere near this sort of forum again.
Good bye