TTGO, this is one of the prime reasons to check this forum before doing ANYTHING involving your WH. We can all hope that everything turns out for the best, but the worst thing that can happen is that you get blindsided. The folks here will help you prepare for every eventuality.

I am still praying for you and your M TTGO. Be ready for anything on Friday but be open and kind. Just for kicks and giggles, ever since you started posting, I thought your name was trying to goon.

Everyone here has been so informative, helpful & kind. I'm so glad my BIL lead me here.

I'm hopeful for a good outcome Friday evening, although I know the road to R will be very hard. I'm also prepared to stay on the course that has already been started (I filed for D b4 finding MB), even though that was never what I had wanted. I just thought that was the only option at the time.

Thanks for your advice, support & prayers. They are all very much needed!!!!! I'll keep you posted on the outcome.

I agree with princess. He is still wayward; you cannot trust him, for at least several months. Period.

Um...from WHOM do you hear this? WH?

Yeah, it's funny...they're never a psycho when the A is active...only when it's ending...

Thats great news 'trying', good for you guys. What you were saying about the OW sitting in YOUR seat in the truck is not petty, IMO. I think that is just one of many triggers you will or have experienced.

His cell phone book is not an issue. I know with Verizon the numbers are stored on their computer, so you can just transfer the numbers very easily.

Looks like you are heading in the right direction.

You don't lose your phone book when you change phone numbers.

Verizon only stores your numbers if you sign up for it, but most VZW stores have a machine that will transfer phonebook, sms, usually pictures, sometimes ring tones and music to another phone. They don't even have to be the same brand or even VZW phones. Most of us charge 15 bucks if you didn't get the phone from us.

ATT, T-Mobile, Nextel use SIM cards. Phone numbers CAN be on the SIM but most default to the phone. SMS goes with the SIM card. Pictures, music and ring tones all stay in the phone unless you have memory card that will carry them to the new phone.

The biggest problem is getting the new phone number to everyone that needs it. That means making a phone call or sending an sms to everyone in your list that you want to have the new number.

TTGO,

Go into the date on Friday with a PLAN of what you will do. Plan A...Look goodgreat, smell goodfantastic, head up, chest out...Borrow B's shoes (that's an inside joke for someone specific)...

Know what you will do if this turns into an opportunity to restore your marriage. Also know what you will do if it turns out that it is not. How will you respond? What will you do? What will you say? How will you get home?

Suggestion...Meet him someplace nice. Be prepared with someone you can call if things go badly so that you have someone to lean on. (I'd say to not get your hopes up too much and to have no expectations, but that would be difficult to do.)

But also be prepared to ask him to join you for a nightcap or a cup of coffee for the road if things go as you want them to. Have a plan; work the plan and follow the plan. Plan for the best and prepare for the worst. Know what you will do in either case or even in the middle somewhere...

Act from the power that comes from knowing you are prepared so you don't have to react from emotions alone...

Even be ready to reclaim the seat in the truck as your own.

Mark

TTG,
I'm caught up with your thread. I wish you well tomorrow night. You have had great advice here from some of the best. Limbo, and his ww, are much in my thoughts - he has been a big friend to me before he went to his training.

Good luck. I'm plan A'ing too. You have my support.

optimism

Sorry I haven't responded sooner...Stomach flu was rampant around here this week!!!!

Let's go back to the psycho issue. My neighbor who works w/ this....ok I'll be civilized... OW knows that this isn't the 1st M she has tried to break up (actually she knows of 5). She also knows that this OW has, when the waywards leave her to go back to their wives,has harassed them & the wives. OW has said she still has the texts between her & my H. Those will be sent to me in the event we did reconcile to insure that we wouldn't.HOW OLD ARE WE?!! My neighbor has repeatedly stated that my H has no idea what he has just invited into our lives. How much of this is true I'm not sure.

Mark & cod---I do know all the #'s in his phonebook will be easy to transfer over. I think he'll have an issue w/ contacting everyone informing them of his new #. Oh well, that's one of my requirements to move forward. If that's important enough for him then he'll do it. I don't think it's an unreasonable request.

As far as my plan for tonight--I already have what I'm wearing set & ready to go (red is his favorite color on me), bought his favorite perfume. I've always planned on keeping my head up---I have nothing to hang it for. The whole chest thing out...Victoria secrets can only help out so much w/ what you've got. 3 out of 4 aren't bad!

He had finally told me on Wednesday that he does want to work on the M to TRY &make it work. That being said I am hopeful that tonight will turn out to be a good evening just spending time together & talking w/ no interruptions. We didn't finish our convo the other evening--2 kids w/ the flu--we decided TBC on Fri.

Since he has finally said he wants to work on the M--is this when I tell him me requirements to move forward w/ him. NC letter, cell phone # changed, & so on?

If it does turn out badly there is always someone that will come get me & take me home. What my response/actions will be if it doesn't turn out as I had hoped...not sure yet. Any suggestions? I want to make sure my dignity/composure will remain in tact!!

Night cap...HMMMM...sounds pretty tempting. Not quite sure how to handle that one either.

Funny you mention my attitude towards the truck/triggers. There are some days I think I can't possibly get past what he has done. The fact he intimately kissed another woman (or did whatever else for that matter) totally disgusts me. Now that we are in the position we are in, there are some days, I feel like "HA,I'm winning!!!!! I'm the one who's sitting back in my seat, I'm the one he's coming back to (slowly, but still coming back). It all depends on my mood for that day.

Thank you all again for your advice & for pulling for us. Hopefully I'll have good news tomorrow!!

ABSOLUTELY.

Ok everyone I think this was the shortest "date" I've ever had in my entire life.

We both have the stomach flu. He came in, went straight to the bathroom & got sick. He said he was feeling kind of sick earlier today but tried to ignore it so he didn't have to cancel tonight.

I was also feeling sick. So after an hour of trying to put on good game faces it didn't work. We called it a night he went home & I went to bed. He did ask for a raincheck though.

To say the least I was extremely disappointed!!!!

Bad night tonight!!!! Since my H moved out of the house I haven't had a chance to organize all the new space I had in my closet. My kids are w/ him for an overnight so I thought take advantage of the situation--get organized!! As I was going throughh things I found some cards he gave me (I've saved every card he has given me since day 1) from V-day last year. I haven't stopped crying since!!!!!! How is it that someone can go from wanting to grow old w/ you to not loving you anymore & sleeping w/ another woman just months later?!!!! I'm just having a hard time dealing w/ the utter disregard for me, our M, our history, our kids!!! I can't believe how deeply this hurts!!!! Still crying!!!!

Another thing...since our "date" didn't happen (flu). He asked if we could reschedule for Thurs. night. He mentioned working on the M & talking more about it. He also said he doesn't want to rehash the A so to not hurt me any more than I've already been. But, yes, I do have some questions. Is that morbid? How much do I want to know? I have 2 sexual questions. The rest are sequence of events...How did it happen...What about me/our M was discussed...were there dates? where? I think if these questions gnaw at me I don't think I can move on. Maybe they'll subside w/ time, who knows. I am afraid though that if he does answer them & it's what I had suspected I'll be terribly hurt & the night will abruptly come to an end...Kind of torn. Not sure what to do.

It seems like, IMO, he wants to start from scratch...dating again & moving on from there. I think that would have been possible had he come & talked to me before having an A!!!! He's dropping off the kids tomorrow night & I'm sure we'll talk again then. Should I just ask some question tomorrow. So maybe by Thurs I can have moved past it & we can talk about us.

Like I've said bad night...tons of thoughts going through my head... haven't slept & it is now 4:35 am.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!!!

Hold true to yourself. See if HE can deserve YOU.

My H came to bring the kids home last night & we started talking. He asked why I had such a bad night I told him about the cards & how much it hurts that we are in the situation we are in. He reassured me things were moving forward & to not be sad since we are going to work to make them better. He mentioned looking forward to our rescheduled date this week.

The date---I was right, he just wants to forget about the A & move on. I explained that isn't something I can do w/o help from him. I told him we need to talk about the A to help me understand it & move past it. I have questions & they may be uncomfortable for him to answer but he needs to. I also explained there are certain things I need from him to show me he's will in to make this M stronger & if he can't agree than there is no point moving forward. He asked what I need 1. NC letter to be written by him & sent by me. 2. Change his cell phone # 3. Complete openness & honesty.

HE AGREED TO ALL 3!!!! He did say the phone # thing was going to be a pain but He'd do it.

I'm glad we did talk last night b/c his idea of our "date" more or less was starting from scratch & rediscovering ourselves as a couple. My idea of our "date" was talking about everything (A, us, our M, future plans) What a disaster it would have turned out to be!!!!

ttgoon,

This all sounds like very good start.

Be wary and vigilent, though, and keep snooping.

kirk

That's great!

Good luck moving forward.

opt

I haven't been on on a while as there was nothing new to share...until now.

Saturday night was our rescheduled date. It was extremely rough to talk about certain things, but I made it through them & was able to move on. I know certain people want me to put everything out on the table, but I wonder if knowing certain things will help me move forward or will just haunt me. I really enjoyed just being with him. In spite of everything we were able to share quite a few laughs! I was trying to be open to him about his feelings & the A, tried with all my might to avoid any LBs although there were a few (just a few) times he almost wore my drink!

Sunday he came to spend the day w/ us. I had a function to go to w/ my DD. he watched the other 2 kids. When I came home we planned on going to our phone carrier to change his cell #. I just came home too late in the day & the store would have been closed by the time we had gotten there. He did write the NC letter though. He has told me she has texted him a few times since he has ended it w/her & the last one they really got into it & it's definitely over!! I was seeing red hearing about this since I said NC means NC!!! I told him to leave. Down on knees & sobbing he assured me he was finished w/ her & the A was over. Not sure if this was the right thing to do but gave him 1 last chance. He then wrote the NC letter after that. It was short & to the point.

I mailed the letter this morrning & tonight we went together to change his cell #. I was also put on the account & now have access to all phone records.

My concern is how do you start building trust when he's not living @ home. Like I've said the letter has been mailed & the cell # has been changed. She knows where he lives, what if she shows up @ his house? Since he's not living @ home I don't know what he's doing How do you rebuild trust? Although on the other hand I'm not quite sure we are quite ready to jump into him moving back in yet.

By the way he asked if we could go to MC. I think that would really help us. He has only seen his IC 2x's. She said she would be moe than willing to help us. Should I go to his?

Where do I go from here?

TTGO, I think he should move home. I know that makes you feel vulnerable but I don't think that you can R a M while living seperately. If he has committed to NC, changed his cell # and desires C with you, why let him live in a situation where she can break NC at will by showing up at his front door? He may just be waiting for you to ask.

Can you afford a coaching seesion with the Harleys?

God's Blessings,

Say

Part of me wants nothing more than for him to come back, but on the other hand, I want to make sure he has made enough changes that shows he's, for lack of a better term, "worthy" of coming home.

I have shown him, as far as I can tell, I'm willing to make all the changes he had concerns with. Making more time for us/him, Physical appearance, cleaner house, & most importantly SF. That happened Saturday night after our "date". It just happened & I felt it was something we both wanted. There were innuendos during dinner & initiation @ home on both of our parts.

I know Rome wasn't built in a day but my patience is wearing thin!! I told him I want an equal partner to share the responsibility of raising our kids & taking care of the everyday dynamics of our household. I also told him because the OW knows where he lives I don't want her showing up on his doorstep since there will be no other way for her to contact him. He wasn't able to resist her before what makes him think he'll be able to resist her now! HUGE FEAR OF MINE!!! He swears it's over. He will turn her away if that happens & let me know the minute it happens...if it happens. Still I don't believe him.

He sees his Counselor tonight & I'm anxious to hear what she has to say about everything. He said he'll talk to her about seeing us as a couple. My counselor said he won't see us as a couple since he has already seen me multiple times & it would be hard to be non-biased. Find another one for us as a couple?

SNM

With the now limited income I have coming in from my H, unfortunately I am not financially able to counsel w/ the Harleys... although I would love too!!!!

Maybe in a few weeks I will be able too. I'd love to talk to them just once & hopefully have my H do the same.

Ultimate goal---A MB Weekend!!!! I think it would make a huge difference!!!