He overheard us talking one evening. Since there was only one physical encounter (yes, I know, likely more), the conversation that was overheard was dealing more with the EA and for now that's all he knows. I'm not sure it would be prudent to expose to him that his mom slept with another man. He's already pissed enough at just the EA. The MC counseled us not to tell him anymore either, but it appears our MC may not be productive either.
WCOM, your most powerful weapon against the affair is exposure. Everyone should be told that she is sleeping with this man. Her parents, your parents, close friends, pastor, the OM's family, your children. I think you should also contact the OM's wife and have a discussion with her too. Children should not be lied to in order to whitewash the crimes of a parent. That just teaches them to be dishonest themselves.
Here is what Dr Harley says about exposure: "Exposure is very likely to end the affair, lifting the fog that has overcome the unfaithful spouse, helping him or her become truly repentant and willing to put energy and effort into a full marital recovery. In my experience with thousands of couples who struggle with the fallout of infidelity, exposure has been the single most important first step toward recovery. It not only helps end the affair, but it also provides support to the betrayed spouse, giving him or her stamina to hold out for ultimate recovery."
entire article here And here are his words about exposure to children:
"The same can be said about telling children about an affair. My experience with the positive outcomes of hundreds of families where an affair has been exposed to children has led me to encourage a betrayed spouse not to fear such exposure. In fact, to mislead children, giving other false explanations as to why their parents are not getting along, causes children to be very confused. When they finally discover the truth, it sets an example to children that dishonesty is sometimes acceptable, making them the judge of when that might occur.
An affair is an attack on children as well as the betrayed spouse. And it's true that children are deeply affected by this form of irresponsible behavior. But it's the act of infidelity that causes children to suffer, not the exposure of it. Facts point us toward solutions. Illusion leads us astray. That's true for children as well as adults.
