H just came by for the first time since he left almost two weeks ago. We took the car to the mechanic and he said he wanted to pick up some things. He got the letter I sent him in the mail (written w/ advice from you guys) and read it in the kitchen while I did some things. <P>We talked a little, laughed a little, he advised me about selling the house (it came w/ me and he wants none of the equity), said he'd come over some Sundays to help w/ cosmetic repairs, talked about the bills he would like to pay, talked about how daughter was doing. Actually agreed that going out to dinner and movies from time to time to get to know each other again would be a really good idea - he says before the divorce is final, he would like to be friends. Told me to leave joint bank account open, but gave me his check card, leave phone and power in his name.He started out cold, but warmed just a little by the time he left. Said even if he changed his mind, he wouldn't look back. Said he had to turn his "buttons off" before he came here. Said he's not dating, doesn't want to, had it w/ relationships (wonder what happened to OG). I was so good!!!!!!! You guys would've been so proud. NO lovebusters! He's still not talking about what brought him to the decision to leave and I didn't push at all. The only thing he said is that love must've faded over time and he just didn't realize it before. Hugged me a long time when he left - I think his voice broke when he said he had to go. (Could have been my knees crumbling!) Didn't take clothes and things he came for. Asked me if I'd mind, I said the stuff was his, take anything you need, he said, "I don't think I can do it." Said to take the equity from the house and buy a piece of property and he and his friends would build us a new smaller one that we could afford (HUH? Why worry about building me a house?)<P>I'm so proud. I made it through it!!!!And now I'm shaking and sobbing. I love him so much. He's tired and definitely not doing as well as he wanted me to believe. I can see it in his eyes and face. But I think I also see that he's not coming back. I still don't know what's going on, but it ain't good. I did see that he loves me though, even if he didn't say it. He couldn't hide that. <P>No sleep again tonight, I guess. Says to tell my ex when he comes to see daughter this weekend that he's working out of town. Says he'll be here Sunday to do some stuff around the house. I thought that's what he was running AWAY from - no more responsibilities.<P>Got to get myself under control before daughter comes home. Got to figure out what to do Sunday. Got to get a grip!!!!!<P><BR>HELP!!!!!<P>Lori

lostva,<P>I am so proud of you for holding it together and NO lovebusting . You did great and it will only help you in the long run. Your H left the house knowing how well you handled yourself and probably thought about (and maybe still is) it the whole way home.<P>You'll figure out the next step before he gets there on Sunday and be back under control. You have know proven to yourself that you can handle this and take the necessary steps as needed. Yeah, for you.<P>One question - if you had the house before him why do you have to sell it now??? Just curious if you want to tell.....<P>T2W

Lostva,<BR>Congrat! You did great. Don't worry that he won't be back. It doesn't matter right now. What matters is that you showed him you are strong, that you are in control. I'm proud of you. I'm sure he is wondering right now if he is making the right move. Keep up the good work. <BR>

My good friend, You really did well! Sounds to me that he is missing you just a little. Just don't let your guard down like I did this week. Stay tuff! Who knows what he will be like the next visit. I'm really glad it went well for you I was thinking about you.<P>Jill

Hi, guys.<P>Thanks for the support. <P>T2W - I made up for the no lovebusting later. MIL called me "did he come, did he come?" and we talked for 21/2 hours!! Actually made fun of this horrible situation and laughed our butts off, plotted revenge against OG, H, the world. Not trying to be cold, we've just spent soooooo much time crying on the phone together, last night we got stupid!!!! Seems the bloom is coming off the rose if you know what I mean. OG got ticked off at another girl at work and jumped her and had a big fight!!!! MIL was horrified and if I know my H (at least the old one) he wasn't to pleased either. He told his mom and she's like "Well, so much for the sweet little girl image!" I hope H actually saw it and didn't just hear about it. <P>About the house, I had a better job when I split w/ ex and the mortgage was no problem. (Ex caused me to lose it) I had actually planned to sell it and move (ex and I built it together and I always hated it - more him than me, if you know what I mean and I agreed to everything out of fear), but when H came along, he loved the woods, loved the creek, the house IS pretty and he loved being surrounded by nothing - I thought. Talk about lack of communication!!!! He said all those things so I wouldn't feel bad about leaving and I never told him how I felt because I thought he wanted to stay!!!<BR>Anyway, then we had 2 salaries. Now that he's gone, it will bankrupt me in no time. Besides, the rumour is (and it's credible) that my company is selling off my division and I could be unemployed in 90 days or so (when it rains, it pours). I'm sticking around for a couple of reasons: should be a nice severance package (and I deserve it), maybe won't happen, and our area is not exactly known for decent wages - I lucked out w/ this one. Besides, daughter says she can't stand to stay here and has arranged more sleepovers in the last 30 days than in the last year!! <P>Ceecee - Thanks for the support. Made it through the two hour visit, but, of course, couldn't sleep at all. I sure hope he's wondering!!!!! I'm going nuts. Oh, well, hopefully I'll pull it together again by Sunday (if he shows). <P>Crazy - Hey!!!! Gotta go take daughter to friends' house. talk w/ you later.<P>Thanks so much everybody.<P>Lori<P>

lostva,<P>Sounds like you're doing well . It's go to lovebust about your H - just not to your H. I haven't seen anywhere where Harley says we can't lovebust to those who care enough about us to help us in our time of need . And the fact that you can do it with your MIL is impressive to me becsause my MIL weren't that close before, so definetely not now! Now OG, she lovebusted when she got in fight (if it bothered H) so chalk up another point for yourself . <P>Thanks for telling me about the house - I was just curious, thought maybe you wanted to stay but couldn't. Sounds like you don't mind giving it up so hopefully that'll make it easier if/when the time comes. <P>Sorry to hear about your job. You are right, when it rains it pours, happened to me too. Right after H "fell off the deep end" (as I like to call it ) I got in a car accident and my car was totaled. Guy has no car insurance so now I get to go to court . I guess it does take my mind off of H a little so that's good, but still stinks.<P>Take care and keep plugging away, one day at a time.<P>T2W

Lostva -<P><BR>Hi There!!! Glad that you got past that little hurdle!! Onward, as they say....<P>With each possitive encounter we can only get stronger. Just remember that and keep your on on your goal - focus on that and you'll do fine through each contact with H.<P>Hugs and prayers for you both!!!<P>Sheba

Hi, Everybody - thanks for your support. <P>T2W - Wrecked your car - I thought it was bad that mine broke down the day after he left! No, I don't mind leaving this house. Actually, up until the week before the big announcement, h and I had been planning to sell, looking at plans and talking about where we wanted to build. We were so excited about finally having OUR house. We were putting it on the market anyway by the 1st of the year. Just feels wierd to be doing it w/out him. MIL and I were close for a long time, but drifted apart in recent months (H orchestrated some of this, though and we know why!). Since this, though, she's been my greatest support (my mom and I get along, but don't know how to talk to each other). My BIL just called and asked if I had plans tomorrow night. Yeah, right! I asked if it were more bad news!!!! NO - he just thought I could stand to go out to dinner to get my mind off things. Over the years, he's spend as many nights here w/ H and I as he has at home, never been married, doesn't even date, and just like a big brother to me. It was so sweet of him, it made me cry (of course, doesn't take much these days). Up until lately, he was closer to H than any of the rest. Once he told H what a fool he thought he was, though, H's not hanging out w/ him anymore.<P>Sheba - thanks a lot. You've been through an awful lot. Feels like the hurdles get bigger and I just get weaker sometimes. You guys SHOWED me how to get through last night. I never could have done it alone.<P>Today's been a weird day. All of a sudden, out of the blue, I remembered when H first met Sweetie Pie. She started working on the same job site shortly after my dad died. And I remembered the things he told me that she said and did that didn't even phase me then, but now I can see pulled him right in her direction. She even trashed me on one occasion though we had never met. (She had called here about her puppy that we gave her.) He defended me that time. I'm so STUPID! Wasn't a month later that he stopped calling me at lunch to say "I love You" (he always did) 'cause he said he was trying to save money by not leaving the job site. MAN!! Now that the pieces are coming together, she played him like crazy. Read him right and snared him easily. I had thought that this was one of those things that "just happened" because of friendship and bad timing, but now I know it's not. He didn't see it coming either; We were all still upset about my dad and he was trying so hard to be strong for me. he told me all about everything for a long time and just kept saying she was a poor little kid who didn't know anything. I should have known when he stopped telling me about her something was up. I am such a fool! <P>Oh, well. Hindsight's 20/20, right. I should be kicked in the butt for this one, though, but knowing might not have made a difference. <P>I can't believe I was so stupid!!!!!<P>