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#23144 10/22/99 11:43 PM
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It's been a year since his emotional affair ended and his physical affair with another started. Hard to believe I've been through all that and I'm still alive to talk about it, especially since I went through a pretty bad depression. But today we're doing really well, thanks to Dr. Harley's articles on this site.<P>What helped is whenever I fall back into that moodiness he is not to ask, "What's wrong?" or ask me to talk about it. It goes nowhere constructive. There's no more to talk about. Everything I wanted to know I know, and what I don't I won't ask. I know why it happened, and there's no point to go back to that just because I got in that mood again. All he's allowed to do is try to stay close to me until I come out of it. That has really helped. And I take responsibility and help myself out of feeling like that by staying in the present. <P>There's nothing like the happy feeling I get when I come home and his car is there. Or him being there when I accidentally leave the car running for an hour and blow the radiator hose. I'm so happy he's back fully in my life, and wherever we were a year ago is a sad reminder that we better not take each other for granted.

#23145 10/22/99 12:10 PM
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Hello Leah<P> My W recently had an emotional affair at work we are in counseling right now & has some good days & bad days. Right now W still has not told me that I am the one she wants. She tells me she loves me. We still make love & Have starting going out on dates again like we used to. She still tells me that she still doesn’t feel the same way she used to. Is that because OM or is that because of me. How long do I wait to see if she will ever say those magical words that you heard? If you have any advice please let me Know<P> LotsofHope<BR><P>------------------<BR>

#23146 10/22/99 12:21 PM
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So glad it is going well. Has it been gradual improvement, or did you notice milestones?<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

#23147 10/22/99 12:29 PM
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HI Leah!!!!!<BR>The feeling is so good...to feel full and happy again. I am thoroughly enjoying this feeling as well. It is so nice and great to know my h is there to support me when I need it. I do not want to be coddled or catered to, that is not my way. But I think we all need nuturing at some points in life. One very good thing I learned from this, is that I have to tell him when I am in a state that needs care and nuturing, he cannot read my mind/emotions!!<BR>The big question is.....how did you leave the car running for an hour and not know it?! Somedays I wondered where my mind had gone. Some of us did some pretty strange things....whew, am I glad that is past. <BR>(((hugs))) cl

#23148 10/22/99 12:34 PM
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Lotsofhope,<BR>Believe me, he was in inner turmoil for weeks. It doesn't happen overnight. That doesn't matter, because what does matter is everything that you are doing now will pay off. My husband loved how I changed, but was worried that it wouldn't last. He needed time to see that that was the new me. (He just didn't feel like I loved him anymore, so he went surfing the Internet for love, poor guy.) Anyway, don't give up hope yet. Live your life as if you are the one she wants, and fill her up with plenty of attention. You've got a lot going for you if she still loves you and is spending time with you. <P>Really listen to her needs, because chances are you haven't been listening very well. When my husband complained about things I took it as nagging and not really caring about what I wanted instead of really listening that it was a plea for closeness. He was downright lonely and I never heard that. Try to figure out what's really behind what she says, because it's there if you listen.

#23149 10/22/99 12:48 PM
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FLH, <P>Gradual improvement or milestones? Neither one of us knows. Maybe both. He turned around pretty quickly, but it took forever to process it in mind and come to terms with it. (Since I have chronic anxiety, I don't get over anything very well. I can obsess about it and just feel horrible.) Highs followed by lows over and over again. <P>cl-<BR>I was warming up the car since there was frost on the windows, but it turned out I didn't go anywhere and had forgotten that I had turned it on. My H was home and forgot too, so I don't feel quite so bad. Only cost us $l0 to fix instead of a new engine like we thought it might.


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