Lokil,

So you really are going to be the skank that hangs out with a woman after banging her H.

Everytime she pours you a drink, will you wonder if she knows and laced your drink??

Like I told you, my sister did the same thing. I am disgusted.

You can turn this around anytime, but everyday that passes makes it worse.

Lokil,

now you have proof that your friend�s husband is willing to be unfaithful with no remorse.

He won�t stop.

this is how affairs begin....

are you really a friend? Tell his wife.

Good Point.

Lokil,
If you found out that you GF's husband screwed around (let's say a month ago you saw him in bed with someone), would you have told your girl friend??

This person is wasting valuable board time and is not serious. lokil, you belong over on the TOW [the other woman] board where they will support you in being a deceitful cheater. You won't get that kind of support here. No one will support your cruel behavior here.

You belong here---------------> gloryb.com

Sometimes it takes a post like yours, 'Jean', to wake someone up.

She can die a slow death in her marriage, or at least lay all the cards out, 'belly up to the bar', 'woman up', 'do whats right', etc, and let her BH make the decision about their future, since he was left out of her last boneheaded decision.

Obviously everyone here is free to do as they wish, but I suggest simply stopping posting to this thread. There are many other people who need you. DazedinAus is brand new and struggling right now.

Lokil,

I just want to Thank You.

I am sitting here in tears, remembering something I did 22-23 years ago when I was a drunk 18 yo.

I realize that the reason some specific situations trigger me, like yours, is because of my personal experience.

I could put in a disclaimer stating why my tackiness wasn't as bad as yours, but it wouldn't matter-to me. 22 years later and I am full of self loathing for something I did half as tacky as what you have done.

Thank you for bringing this back up to my surface.

I feel the need to make a do another moral inventory.

I agree. We have people on this forum who really do need help. This person is a waste of time and posting to her is about as fruitless as trying to negotiate with a terrorist. She just sucks the energy away from hurting people who need help. If a person doesn't get it in 30 pages of posts, they will never get it.

Unless she got in your face and started screaming at you, it's safe to assume he hasn't told her yet.

Can't you see that by keeping this a secret and telling you, "I don't regret it," he's trying to turn this into something more than a one-time event? A man that didn't want to start up something would have told his wife and apologized for what happened. Instead he has no regrets? It sounds like he got what he was after.

You need to stay away from this man and your friend for life. It's too late to keep them now. Once your H and your friend find out, your GF won't want you around them, and your H won't want OM around you. If you don't tell your H, then you two will be holding this secret together and be forced to act like nothing happened. What happens the next time the 3 of you are hanging out and your friend needs to step out. Will you leave? OM will probably say, "no, don't go. C'mon stay for a little longer." You will reluctantly because you won't want your friend to think anything is up. He'll try to seduce you again. It won't end well.

If you can't see that your friend's husband is a slimeball that's trying to start up a full-blown affair with you, then you are beyond help. The only way to keep this predator away from you is to fess up and tell your H and friend what happened. She deserves to know. Remember, you said you got cheated on and it really hurt. What if you hadn't found out until you had several children with that man and then found out, but we wasn't willing to stop. Wouldn't it be worse to be in that situation instead of finding out, dumping that guy, and finding your husband? Your friend deserves that same chance to make a decision.

You guys are right, I am done here. If she were grasping what was being said to her, or accepting some of the suggestions, then fine, but she keeps deflecting, etc.

I am outta here.

fuc, I'm trying to do the right thing here, let me ask you a question if you cheated and you were caught why diidnt you tell your spouse 24 hours after you slept with someone else, would you have told them at all if you hadnt been caught, get off of your freeking high horse, I came here asking for help I'm taking steps to do the right thing and all i get is an angry mob with pitch forks.

Take your profanity off this board and don't come here any more to defend the immoral act you perpetrated on your innocent H and your "friend".

You aren't listening Lokil. The ones who WERE caught instead of confessing NOW realize how much worse that made things. The ones who DID confess (quickly) now know how much BETTER that made possible recovery chances.

There are no pitchforks here. Only people with vast experience who want to help you recover your marriage (if our BH will allow it) and who want the innocent people involved to know the truth that rightfully belongs to them to know.

Was this directed at me? I will be happy to answer your questions if you are asking me, as long as you are not offensive to the people that are trying to help you.

Any way to ask the mods to just lock this thread? She has no remorse, is not planning to do the right thing. She belongs on TOW board. We're all still posting here like idjits.

If you don�t want to help, just don�t do it.

And it took us all 48 pages to figure it out...so sad for the betrayed in all this mess.

remorse... you want to talk about remorse ive spent nearly every hour between the time that it happened and now crying I actually wanted my friend to hit me last night...believe me I have plenty of remorse.

Lokil

Have you read any articles on this site?

IThis one is rather short-maybe 2 minutes to read.

How about a comment on the last paragraph of the article.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8501_fft.html

Nesre

Let me expound upon my own situation. 7 years ago when my now XH and I had a 2 year old child, (long before I knew of MB) he and I sent over a year seperated due to his horrible temper that he would not address. I took ds and moved to an apartment. WH stayed in our family home. It was far from 'dark' seperation. We talked on the phone, and I took ds to see him a couple times a week and we spent that time together often as a family, going out to eat or to the park or whatever. On one of those visits to a local restaurant, my then 19 year old cousin was our waitress. When I went to the restroom they exchanged numbers. Then a month or so later when I was on a 3 week vacation with my son to visit my parents out of state, she moved in with my husband and had sex with him in MY home and in MY bed. Immediately after coming home from vacation husband and I decided to reconcile. I moved back in. We put our small house up for sale and made an offer on another home. Then BAM! I get a call from a friend of my cousin who tells me my cousin slept with husband. I called my cousin's mother, I called cousin, I called husband....cousin and husband denied it. Never happened. The 'friend' who told was just jealous of cousin and trying to start something.

It was a NASTY time. In my heart something felt really really wrong....but I didn't know what to do. I know people are capable of making stuff up (it had happened to me) so I hated to leave him not being sure it was true. The one thing I DID know (just from knowing my cousin) was the the friend wasn't the liar. The possibilities were that the cousin made up a lie and told her friend or told her friend the truth and my cousin and husband were lieing.

In the meantime, my husband brags to my brother about it. My brother, having prior experience with telling me things that my husband had done and thinking I wouldn't believe him....made the decision to not tell me.

So I, my brother and the friend who told me spent 7 years in agony. The friend feeling I thought she was a liar (I failed to express to her that I DID believe her), my brother knowing it was true but not sure he could make me believe it (I would have believed him) and me wonder how in heaven's name could I ever prove it.

Then one day deep into the discovery of the next affair (7 years later) I ran across a chat (thanks to the keylogger I had installed) between my cousin (who is now 26 and married with a baby) and my husband. Their talk is filty, she sending naked porn pics of herself, both of them discssing their past deeds with each other (7 years prior) and making plans to hook up again as soon her husband left town.

So exposure began. I contacted my cousin's husband and gave him the evidence of the current stuff. I contacted the necessary people in my cousin's congregation for her to be dealt with in that capacity. And the pain began which was compounded by years of lies and cover ups. My brother fessed up that he had known all along---he was torn up over not telling me. My parents who had been very very close to cousins parents have suffered terriblly ....that relationship is effectively over because of the fracture this has caused. My cousin's parents have suffered due to the embarrassment of their daughter's condut and due to the loss of their friendship with my parents. Enough of my close friends and family know so that I will never again be in a room with my cousin in a social setting. Talk about hurt and pain. Her husband has to suffer through their follow up affair and the humiliation of the details on chat I showed him.

Can you see how the years of lies compounded this problem? My brother wouldn't have had to suffer under the weight of his knowledge. I wouldn't have had to wonder all these years. The husband wouldn't have suffered at all because if the truth had been out there it is doubtful they would have started up again.

I know you are thinking no one will know. That is exactly what my now XH and my cousin thought. But she told her friend and he told my brother. And then heaven handed me black and white evidence 7 years later.

Trust me. You will be MUCH better off in ways you can't yet imagine if you just tell the TRUTH now.