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I don't know what got into me. Maybe it was being at the mall today (first time in ages!) after being snowed in and watching all the Valentine's Day shoppers. Whatever it was, I got home and found myself on the computer looking at eCards. I found one that didn't say "I love you," but did say something about "apart by miles" and "in my heart" and sent it off to be delivered to The Leopard's email address tomorrow.
What was I thinking? On reflection, I guess I wanted to evoke some sort of emotional memory within her when she received it. Why? I don't know.
Thankfully, I set it up to be delivered tomorrow. I clicked on the confirmation link I was sent and have deleted the eCard before it was sent.
That could have been a *major* Plan B break --on my part-- and I can't see any good logical reason to do that.
I'm a long way from being recovered, yet. Normal after a PD relationship, Fredo. Believe me, you will never get an apolgy or any sign of remorse, unless it is to get something from you. That is the way these folks operate.
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Hey Fred someone was talking about cherries to sleep. I saw some extract at walmart so I guess you don't have to eat a box f them lol.
I have problems sleeping more than 4 hours also since wife passed away. I have recently bought a load of vitamins and started to take them daily along with saint johns wort and melatonin at night. It keeps be more active body and mind and I sleep better.
Ambien, benadril, or anything strong allways either doesn't work or gives me side effects..
Me 56 Former BS Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years. 4 children DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4 Me former BS DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr DSs 26 and 23 Teilhard de Chardin..“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ...Sounds about right to me.
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Hi Folks, It's been over a month since I posted to my own thread, and I rarely post on this forum any more. I have pretty much moved over to the Divorced/Divorcing area, where --believe it or not-- I find it less painful. But today marks the start of the one month countdown until Virginia law allows me to divorce my WW. Yesterday was a day rife with "Leopard tracks" and so I am now motivated to update my story and pass on what I hope is experience and strength to others who may find themselves in similar circumstances. So... The Leopard continues to violate my boundaries by not contacting my intermediary. Once again, she wrote an email to my attorney, who passed it on to me, as its contents refer to part of our legal Separation and Property Settlement Agreement. She is in possession of a Jeep, on which I hold the loan. It is in my name exclusively. Our agreement specifies that she is to return it to me by March 31, 2010 if she determines she is unable to make the payments on it. When she moved out of the house in January, she told me unequivocally that she would be returning the Jeep on March 31. Yesterday, she wrote my attorney and said she had decided to keep it, and requested that I turn over the title and payment book to her. However, the title is held by the bank, and there is no payment book. The bank holds the title and sends me a monthly statement. I had to laugh at a comment she wrote: "Fred does not wish for me to communicate directly with him, and I am uncomfortable with using the mysterious third party designated." My reply to the lawyer was as follows: Mrs. Fred's comfort level is not my concern. I have clearly stated to her what my requirements for communicating with me are. After communicating with my IM, I sent the following email to my attorney: I find the inability to hold to her commitments (up to and including her marriage vows) as well as not being able to abide by another's terms and boundaries completely unacceptable. She told me without question that she was going to return the Jeep on March 31, 2010. Acting on that decision, I have made arrangements to dispose of the vehicle. I expect it to be parked in front of my house no later than midnight of March 31, 2010 and the key to it left between my front door and the glass door. Any damages to the Jeep not deemed "normal wear and tear" will be noted and addressed at the time of our divorce.
She might find it easier to comply with my wishes and communicate through the intermediary I have established. She had no problem with "comfort" having sex outside of the marriage, I think she can get "comfortable" communicating with a third party I have selected and whom I have placed my confidence. The outstanding balance on the Jeep is over $9,000. This means that if she wishes to take over monthly payments, I would have to expect a check from her for the next 18 months or more. Since she owes so much money to everyone including the IRS, I seriously doubt I could rely on her to meet that commitment any better than she has done with her others. So how far have I come? I went from crying and dying over the destruction of my marriage to counting down the days until I can be free of her finally and completely.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Fred,
SELL her the Jeep. (Sell it for exactly break even)
Let the bank get the check from her.
Make it so it is NOT in your name.
Let her worry about license, insurance, parking, maintenance.
Make it her choice and HER problem.
Stop letting her make HER problems YOUR problems.
Put down the broken dream and step away...
Mark
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Fred,
SELL her the Jeep. (Sell it for exactly break even)
Let the bank get the check from her.
Make it so it is NOT in your name.
Let her worry about license, insurance, parking, maintenance.
Make it her choice and HER problem.
Stop letting her make HER problems YOUR problems.
Put down the broken dream and step away...
Mark Mark, if she is willing (and able -- something I doubt) to hand over a check for the balance amount, I will be thrilled for her to take the Jeep. Since I don't see that happening, I want her to live up to her original decision and return it on the day promised. She has no credit; no bank is going to give her a loan to buy it, thus, I can't sell it to her (my bank certainly isn't going to allow me to transfer my loan to a proven deadbeat). She's very good at procrastinating until the last moment. I'm sorry, but I'm done "bargaining." Come April 1, the Jeep is hers and paid for, or it's mine and I'll do with it as I please. Yes, it's a broken dream, alright. And not only am I stepping away from it, I'm running as fast as I can!!!
Last edited by Fred_in_VA; 03/27/10 11:48 AM. Reason: type" "load" to "loan"
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Fred I am glad that you are getting away from this painful experience.
Hang loose, remember we are allways here
Me 56 Former BS Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years. 4 children DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4 Me former BS DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr DSs 26 and 23 Teilhard de Chardin..“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ...Sounds about right to me.
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Congratulations, Fred!  For (you're nearly there!) getting away from such a toxic person!
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Fred .... you're a good man.
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Just for grins and giggles, I have updated my letter to my attorney and posted it in the "Other Topics" forum under the "Just Puttin' It Out There" thread...
I'm rather proud of my wordsmithing at this point.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Like that Sig Fred. I think I will post it around my house.
I'mpossible
Last edited by SortedSomeOut; 03/28/10 12:13 PM.
Me 56 Former BS Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years. 4 children DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4 Me former BS DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr DSs 26 and 23 Teilhard de Chardin..“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ...Sounds about right to me.
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So how far have I come? I went from crying and dying over the destruction of my marriage to counting down the days until I can be free of her finally and completely. You've come a long way, baby. Good to see it. You continue to be an inspiration to me. "She procrastinates to the last minute" Yogi, is that you???   opt
Me: 43 y.o. BFWH, D-day 11/11/09 (NC since 9/01) Divorce from WW final 9/16/10. Current Status: MB-based Marriage to Nature Girl 12/8/12 (first date on 12/11/10) Mine: S(16), D(11) NatureGirls: S(23), D(21) Another EA Story
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Good to hear that you're counting down the days until you're free and can move on with your life. I know many people, including myself, have truly appreciated all your insight, input and guidance on these forums.
Best wishes to you....you deserve to have a great outcome!
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I received an email today from someone I am letting garage their car until they can get their license/registration renewed. In it, I learned the following: ***** called me about 5 weeks ago. She seems busy creating her next "mud pie to the sky," as I would like to call it. Clearly not new to the concept of reinvention, she kept making comments and pausing, as if I should reply, "great," or "wonderful," or some such superlative. Only as we wrapped up the approximately 20 minute conversation did she say something to the effect, that she expected that I don't discuss all this with you. Frankly the only thing she has going for her is that she is somewhat attractive... but looks fade, manipulative seems forever with her. Okay, nothing new there, except that someone else recognizes what I have come to learn. But then... Her ninth hour retraction on the Jeep is "reflective" of the "black hole of mirrors" I referenced in my past email. She knew she would pull this sh*t when she drove off with that car, but waited until recently to reveal her hand. Thing is Fred, people like ***** and my ex, they have existed all their lives in the low and murky waters.... they are constitutionally incapable of being honest.
Its impossible that her bogus move didn't provoke some type of anger in you, and she banks on the fact that in your anger, you will somehow falter and give her just cause. The simple act of you initiating a legal battle over the car, is her method of controlling the situation, so she thinks. She has been in more debt and legal problems in the past, I would assume, so this is just her taking laps in her mud pool, as she molds her mud pie to the sky. I'm not sure what this person means about "mud pies" and "mud pools," but I'm sure it's not complimentary. I have replied, asking what she means by "giving her just cause" and "controlling the situation." I can't possibly understand how The Leopard feels she gets the upper hand here. I am waiting on my attorney's reply to my instructions. I keep telling myself, "this is *my* attorney, not The Leopard's. If there is a legal issue here, *I* will get the advice, not The Leopard." Since I don't see The Leopard spending what little money she may have on an attorney to pursue this matter, I don't really see her "controlling the situation." Bah. I'm going out for a run. Even with my back problem, running is a great way to clear my head. And I ran a near personal best 5K on Saturday, so this stress must be doing SOMETHING positive for me...
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Incidentally, I 'disposed' of another of The Leopard's creditors during my writing of the post, above. They called and I spoke with a person and told them She no longer lives here, we are getting divorced, and they assured me they were removing my number from their list.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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You're doing great Fred!!
If the Jeep is not parked in your driveway on 3/31 per your current agreement then get it repossessed. Speak to your attorney about it first of course but I cannot imagine that you wouldn't have grounds to repossess it if she doesn't keep her end of the bargain. It's just another consequence of her selfish and poor behavior.
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Thanks, mindshare. I am waiting to hear from my attorney now, as I type.
My sense is that if the Jeep is not parked in front of my house -- in good condition -- by midnight of March 31, 2010, I will report it to the police as stolen and have The Leopard charged with Grand Theft Auto.
I don't think she wants that added to her ever-growing list of consequences...
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Fred, is your jeep equipped with some sort of GPS locator?
She might have it "stolen" in order to avoid turning it over to you.
She just just might be that conniving.
Also posted on your other topics thread.
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This is the part that has always worried me (long time lurker). I'm afraid you're going to get a jeep parked on the street - with slashed tires, torn upholstery, keyed-up paint job, and a gas tank full of sand.
Me - 44
DW - 39
Married 16 years
DS10
DS6
DD4
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This is the part that has always worried me (long time lurker). I'm afraid you're going to get a jeep parked on the street - with slashed tires, torn upholstery, keyed-up paint job, and a gas tank full of sand. My "protection" against this is in the legal agreement we both signed: Up until March 31, I was on the hook for any "routine" maintenance and wear-and-tear. Anything that is damage caused by her she is responsible for. I have specified this in the letter I have directed my attorney to convey to her: "Any damages not deemed "normal wear and tear" will be noted and addressed at our divorce."
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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I finally received a telephone call from my attorney late yesterday afternoon. As expected, she called to "advise" me regarding my response to The Leopard. We discussed how I was skirting the edge of the legal agreement The Leopard and I signed, and my response was, "If [The Leopard] wants to argue the point, she is welcome to engage the services of counsel and the two of you can argue points of law. If it comes to that, I'll deal with it then. My money says [The Leopard] won't spend her scant resources fighting a battle she can't be sure she'll win."
So now we'll see.
I wrote a follow up note to my lawyer outlining my reasons for taking the position I had. Not that it was necessary. At the end of the message I simply said that when I first retained her counsel I was impressed with how much of a "pit bull" she seemed to be in matters such as these. And that I had gotten to the point where being "Mr. Nice Guy" had resulted merely in my getting footprints all over my chest. I had decided to become as much of a pit bull as my attorney.
As I have indicated previously, my sleep patterns had pretty much returned to normal. Until now. I confess this latest stressor has disrupted my sleeping once again.
The countdown to divorce continues (28 days as of today).
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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