A few weeks ago I began checking our cell phone bill and found one number that he was texting and calling repeatedly so I called the number and a female answered I hung up. Later I sent text messages to my husband's cell phone number listing the call back number as her's. I was able to view his responses from online and found he was replying.."lets meet tonight", "call me" and then finally "who is this". When confronted he said they were "just friends" he gave me her name however he lied about her last name. I am torn I do not know the extent of this relationship the not knowing if it was physical or not is killing me. I have asked him to move out I need time to think. Since then the phone calls and texting has stopped.I am leaving out alot more but that is the basics. Help!

That means they have likely gone further underground. Can you hire a PI? If not, I would slap a GPS on his car and put a voice activated recorder under his seat. Do they communicate on the computer perhaps? If so, put a keylogger on his computer.

Don't accuse anymore until you have the goods. Just act like everything is ok while you quietly snoop.

Who is the woman? Do they work together?

Hello Alizay.

Sorry you are here.

Yes this is a clear emotional affair and very possibly physical.

Could we get more info?

How long have you been married?

Do you have kids and what are their ages?

Is the OW a co-worker? How does he know her?



The calls you can confirm stopped but almost certainly not their contact. They just took it deeper where you can't find it.

Start reading everything you can here about Plan A. Get the book Surviving An Affair as soon as possible. You have to become a detective now and snoop, snoop, snoop.



Brilliant!! Take notes everyone.

Hang on Alizay. More help is on the way.

They've gone underground. You need to start snooping. Have you noticed him dropping any co-workers' names? (For some reason waywards feel the need to say OP's name out loud to their spouse - idiot waywards.)

If you can't hire a PI, see if you can follow him without detection. Go to his workplace at lunchtime to see if he leaves with anyone. Get there before work, after work. Lurk through the parking lots of bars and restaurants he might not normally frequent (this one is tougher, requires a little more effort if there are a lot of restaurants near you.) Don't check where he normally would go - they don't want to be seen in those place with a woman, and he would assume you would check there.

You know her first name. Call his place of employment and ask for her. (Use *67 to hide your caller id)See if she answers. That may help you confirm if she's a co-worker.

Sorry you are here. Read everything on the site and you can come up with a plan.

WS's LIE. Please believe nothing that he "spins." Even if he swears, he is not to be trusted!



Knowing ALL the details is part of the MB program. You have every right to know anything and everything about the A!

Just to prepare you, chances are high that it has gone physical (PA). And by high, I mean that it is probably a remote chance that it is only emotional (EA) at this point based on those texts.

Can you please answer ML's and chrisner's questions above? It will help them.

There are pay phone number lookup services online that will get you the name. They usually run about $20. They were invaluable to me in getting to the bottom of what was going on.

Get the name, and get started on snooping!!!!

Thank you everyone. We have been married for ten years I am 46yrs old he is 31. We have 2 kids together (3 and 9)and I have 3 (13, 19, 21)of my own.He says she works at Pepsi. I have since had him call her with me on the other end and talk. I asked him to say he wanted to come over and see her she replied "not tonight I have to work in the morning" she also made comments "you need to get away from her". He said to her she doesnt believe me we are just friends her response was "you can only say it so many times to someone" "I know that right we are friends". She also said she called the school (hmmm why not his cell phone or text him...I think another bad sign)
What he has done/said
1. deleted all call logs and messages involving her number.
2. gave me her true first name however lied on her last name.
3. Have not texted or called her from his cell phone since caught.
4. Says he has never been to her house nor does he know where she lives
5. Says he is sorry he did not tell me of his friend but he did not because I am insecure that is why.
6. Says I have met her before and that I know her.
I love my husband but dont think I can get passed this.

Have you considered asking him not to have further contact with her "as a friend" since he now knows that it upsets you?

Definite sign of an ACTIVE WS.



Typical WS behaviour. It's because of YOU that he has to be insincere, right?

It's Plan A time while you try to snoop some more and gather more evidence, including the OW's name. His A certainly isn't over.

Okay new here..what does WS mean? He said he was going to call her and tell her they have to end their friendship it is not worth losing his marriage over. I did not insist or follow through because I definitely want to be on the phone to hear. Now I have made him call without notice with me on the phone one time at 10pm at night..luckily she did not answer I wanted to hear their typical "friend type" conversation
I have asked to him move out but he wont..he wants to "just get past this" but I want an admission and details..but I was told by a close friend that I probally will never know because he knows I will leave him if he ever admits to it. I cant help but want to know it is all I think about

WS = Wayward Spouse.



Do you want to recover your marriage?

If so he needs to send her a no contact for life letter (many examples on the site) approved by you and you both need to stop contacting her.

You need to spy as advised earlier in your thread:
Keylogger on the computer
Digital Voice Recorder in the car and another location where he might talk to her
GPS on the car or his phone if possible
Follow him or have a friend help you
Surprise him for lunch at work, or dinner after work

all good idea thanks

Is this true? If he admits to it you will leave him?

I had something similar happen to me...My now XH had an A with my young cousin and they kept it from me for 7 years. He told me he didn't confess to it (they both were confronted by me 7 years ago when I heard the rumor and I suspected it was true) because he knew I would leave him and take our then 2 year old child. I don't know what I would have done if he had confessed to it. But I can tell you I WISH I had listened to my instinct back then and just divorced him. I knew in my heart there had to be something to it...all the evidence was there...I just couldn't pull the trigger so to speak without evidence.

If you want to save yo ur marriage then yes you do need an admission...but if this affair is a deal breaker....maybe not.

We have had so much happen in our marriage and right now I truly do not know the answer but feel if not physical I am more likely to stay.
I have so many mix emotions and totally confused. Since this has happened I find myself now thinking of signs in the past
late night out with fellas did he cheat? This may not be the first time. etc...