File separately. Sc@&w him over, the way he has you!

Don't you just love seeing the veins in his neck (theoretically since you haven't seen him) pop out!?

He doesn't play honorably.

There's no way that you will get the return if you play nice.

He has a track record.

If he gives you the amount of the tax return up front, at the time of filing, that would be the only way I'd file jointly with this vermin.

Are you sure you would get less if you filed seperately? or is that just what D!ck is telling you? The reason I'm asking is this...

I filed seperately this year as head of household (my WH still is not aware of this; he even asked me a couple of weeks ago "What are we doing about filing our tax return? we have to file jointly"... ummm NO we don't which was confirmed by my accountant and atty). My federal return is 2 1/2 times more than what we got back last year jointly and then we had to split 50/50. It was much larger due to filing HOH, claiming all 3 DSs (they physically lived with me the entire year plus I have physical custody), this year able to claim more of child credit as I guess last year it was just a portion that could be claimed due to early stimulus $$ sent out in late summer 2008, and earned income tax credits are higher this year. Also, child support does not have to be claimed by you, nor is it an exemption for D!ck. Alimony/Spousal Support has to be claimed. Per my accountant, even though I paid for the mortgage all of last year, I could only claim 1/2 of the interest/taxes; WH gets to claim the other half due to both of our names being on the mortgage/deed.

When my WH files he will definitely have to pay back the IRS... and if he didn't switch his filing status of claiming Married with 3 exemptions on his paychecks he will be paying quite a hefty sum back to the IRS.

As my IC told me as I struggled with doing this to WH, being nice would be filing jointly so he doesn't have to pay IRS with me getting entire refund (not doing electronically, but thru the mail and having the refund check mailed to my atty), but in looking out for the best interests of me and my DSs IC recommended I file seperately (natural consequence of WH moving out).

My accountant did a rough estimate for me so I could compare this year's refund $$ to last year's refund $$. Maybe you could find one to do this for you.... or enter info into an online tax return service (turbo tax).

I would go ahead and file without telling D!ck... tell him after you physically get your refund. If you tell him ahead of time, he may file seperately as HOH claiming all children. There is recourse if he does this as explained to me by accountant. If he does this electronically, you could still file HOH/claim your children, but this return would be sent in through the mail your refund sent back through the mail. In about 1-2 yrs the IRS will catch on that 2 people claimed the same children as dependents. The IRS will then send out a request to prove that the dependents lived with you.

Hi HH-

I filed Head of Household the year my FXH left and we were separated. I followed the information in this publication:

http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p504.pdf

I also called the IRS and talked with someone about this particular publication to make sure I understood it. (I had to wait on hold for a while. Apparently the only song they have is the "Blue Danube" for their phone system).

You have every right to file single/head of household and have the return sent to your bank account automatically.

Hope this helps-

All good advice. Especially after last year, how can I trust him to give me the money? If we did file jointly, I like the advice to either get the refund up front or have it sent to my attorney.

Kateydid -- we have the same number of kids. Yes, I did a "once through" with an on-line tax estimator, and I would qualify for the same things you did plus the college credit for my DS. The other advantage of having less income would be better chance for the kids to qualify for financial support for college. I'll have two in college next year, and the FAFSA form is due soon.

I KNOW I would get money back either way... and that D!ck would have to pay if he filed separately. You are right about the consequences. There will be none to him if he gets out of paying the IRS. I'd benefit from maybe a few more dollars, but it's never been about the money. D!ck has disrespected me at every turn -- stopping payment on the auto and house insurance without telling me, giving me 3 days to find the kids a cell phone plan, taking the entire tax refund last year when he said he'd split it, trying to push Bimbo on the kids at their occasional get togethers, missing the kids games and activities,... heck -- D!ck hasn't done ONE decent thing in forever.

Inviting me to file jointly isn't decent. It's a way for him to avoid the consequences of his spending and his affair.

D!ck keeps reminding me to "get over it" and "move on." I think it's time I separate myself from him and file my taxes without him.

BUT -- I won't tell him. I'll stay dark, get my paperwork in order, and file without telling him.

HH

If I were you I would get my own accountant. And don't trust him.

You know that he is in financial trouble so there is not a chance that he will share the refund with you. It's a no-brainer. File seperately and get a refund for you/file jointly and bimbo gets her house payment caught up.

This guy must think HH is a total sucker! I do not believe he will give her ONE DIME that he can not keep or steal from her.

and there is the perfect answer when he finds out you have filed separately. You have 'moved on'. Consider it a little reverse fogbabble.

I am sure D!ck will love hearing his own favourite phrase coming from you

And you can add "whatever" or the infamous, I am trying to move on --- so pay your taxes!

Wait till D*ck finds out that you already have the tuition payment set. hhhhmmmmmmmmm

HH, I'm sure you followed my recent sitch with my WXH and my income tax return? Recap: my refund was direct deposited into his account - something he had set up when we were still married that I didn't know and, therefore, didn't change. I actually had to take WXH to small claims court to get it back. How on earth he thought he could get away with it I have no idea. I'm sure he only did it to inconvenience me. My refund was deposited May 14, 2009. I received a check from him this past Thursday (Feb 18, 2010). I'm actually surprised he didn't draw it out further.

POS WS's don't care who wins, as long as you lose. This is how they express their "love" for the OP - by continually knocking down their BS. Do NOT file jointly with him or do anything that gives him an opportunity to screw you over. Whatever minute increase in your refund is simply not worth it. You will spend that much 3 times over trying to rectify your error in judgement later.

I would file as HOH- how could you EVER trust him to actually let you have the whole return?

I'm not sure there's anything that ironclad. He's a liar and esp with the ho in financial straits, I wouldn't trust him as far as you could throw him. And I'm assuming you couldn't even pick him up.

Hi Holy,

When I came on and off these past few weeks, I noticed you were more quiet as usual. I haven't had a chance to get caught up, but I can feel the pain of having the tax issue be in the forefront and it just simply sucks.

Just last year and the year before that I was dealing with those very same things. My way of dealing with it was to simply avoid things and now the IRS is looking for me. How special.

That's not my point though. The wayward is one of the most selfish destructive inhabitants on this earth. I have come to believe they are in nothing but survival mode and as such aren't capable of understanding the pain they cause. That's not your problem. That's not your part of the story.

Your part is to survive under the protection of G-d and fight for your family because the WW is clearly not capable of doing that today.

If and when the human being of a H comes back one day, then I promise you how you fight today will be your shinging moment tomorrow when they say to you thank you. And you will know that what you had to do to protect your family was not only the right thing, but the most powerful thing to do.

Oh, Queenie:
Thanks for stopping by. Hope all is well in your world. Your words are always a comfort. And whether or not I get a "Thank you" down the line, it doesn't matter because today I am where I'm suppose to be.... doing what I'm suppose to be doing. I'm walking in the Spirit.

I'll pray on the tax issue tonight. FIL says to go for the most money for the kids BUT to get the refund "up front" from WH BEFORE the return is sent. Either that or get the attorney's to draw up something so there's no changing of minds.

On the other hand, I should file separately and let D!ck face a consequence FOR ONCE.

OK -- no decision yet -- praying......

File separately, Holy!

[censored] defies his attorney's advice to hurt you so money up front or you file HOH.

He needs more $$ to cover his Vegas losses, and if OW is with him, make that (x2) losses. HH-- really... your obligation is to do what is best for you and your children. Giving WH any leeway in this matter is just asking for it. IF he was your DH right now(i.e., in his right mind) he would honestly be looking out for his family, but he's not. His priority right now is $$ in his hand to finance his gambling.

I know this sounds like a "no brainer" to everyone but my kids are of the age that tuition is a huge expense. I have two in a private high school and one in college ... next year two in college. And they are teens on the cusp of not being covered under child support. I have to get money when the opportunity presents itself.
My goal this past year has been to keep the kids in their schools... and I did. But I need to do that EVERY YEAR... And having funds to cover tuition is a godsend.
Yep, D!ck should take care of the kids regardless, but he won't.
So be patient with me because I have three kids to take care of.

HH, filing HOH with just your income will HELP with the financial aid for the kids. The more income you show (ie, use husband's income) the less help the kids get. File on your own, get whatever return, don't risk not getting anything like last year!!!!!

How awful it would be to trust him and then get slammed again. It's something he would do, and you know that....

May be different there, but in Canada kids are covered under child support as long as they are enrolled full time in school. They can also add on costs of tuition to child support payments. My income tax refund issue was tied up into this (WXH decided that he'd given me too much money for DS's tuition and that he was entitled to the refund to make up for it. The judge disagreed.)

Because you have 3 kids to take care of, take the path that actually puts the money in your hands. Even if you have a court order stating that he has to pay you, it can take many, many months to actually get it (and cost you more in the process). It isn't worth it. He can't be trusted.

I agree! I think we have a couple of accountants here at MB, maybe one of them will help you sort through this.