Someday you guys will look back on this and laugh. Well you will anyways.

What's in Colorado that WW would run to? Family? Friends? OM1?

Where are the kids? Are they with you? How are they taking this?

If you haven't consulted an attorney about an emergency custody hearing you should do it now...if she left the kids with you, it's abandonment and works in your favor.

Did you firewall your finances? Make sure to turn off (or reduce the limit on) her credit cards and let her finance her own single lifestyle..

Colorado is where a sister is. She is offering her house to my WW while her sister helps on developing her spirituality. Her sister does not want her talking to OM while at her house. At least WW has a goal, and her sister will do anything to help our marriage. Plus it gives me an emotional break....whew! When she comes back I hope to have undivided attention for plan A. (too bad the WW is threatening Plan D as she left)

The kids are with me. My mother in-law lives with me (yes I support my in-law cause I am a nice guy) and is watching the kids. She said she will go wherever the kids go, unless the kids are with my WW and she decides to bring in the OM or a new guy.

I consulted about getting a temp restraining order, but it doesn't look needed right now since I have the kids.

I have removed her name from a second joint account and I am putting my finances in there. I was thinking of sending her sister money as a good faith payment. On paper it will look good, and her sister will be in control of the money.

WS, this is a great development that can work to your advantage. Since this has been going on so long, I would strongly suggest you send her a plan B letter and don't allow her back until she agrees to a) end her affairs and b) commit to the marriage. You have a magic opportunity to make a positive influence in your marriage right now and I wold take advantage of that.

Do you understand Plan B?

As far as Plan B. I understand that I do not have contact with her, and let her know what it is like to be divorced. I tell her that the affairs need to end, which I think they were going to anyhow until I exposed.

I will leave it in her hands to call the children. No point in me going out of my way to give her what she wants. Especially when she doesn't know what she wants.

Do i set boundaries in the letter, tell her i am cutting off all these websites and games in my house, and other DEMANDS which are LBs?

Here is a copy of the plan B letter from Surviving an Affair:

My Dear Sue,
I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair with Greg possible. I foolishly pursued my career without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me most, and we are now both suffering for my mistake.

I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and create a new life for both of us that meet your needs. But I cannot do that until you end your relationship with Greg once and for all.

Until then, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. I will also not be able to help you financially. Our friends Jane and Paul have agreed to help make arrangements for you to visit the children whenever you would like. But I will not be here when you visit. If you want to communicate about the children or any other matter, it will have to be through Jane and Paul.

I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship with Greg, and I simply cannot be with you any longer, knowing that you are with him. I still love you but I cannot see you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from Greg and are willing to follow the measures that were suggested to ensure total separation, I will be willing to discuss our future together.

I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage someday. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you as my best friend.

I loved you when we married and I continue to love you right up to this day. I just cannot be with you or help you as long as you are seeing Greg.

With my love,
Jon
Send copy of letter to the OP with this note: pg 81
I love Sue with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy. I will wait for her to give me that chance.

Oh no, affair proofing is not a selfish demand. It is a critical element to rebuilding your marriage. It should be one of your conditions in allowing her to come back. Any computer in your house is a threat to your marriage and dashes any hope of recovery. i would make NO COMPUTER USE a condition of her return. She is addicted to the games/computer and it has almost destroyed your marriage. It has to go.

Here is a rough draft of my plan B letter, please comment:

Hey Babe,
Your �Broken� letter is right in the fact that I had said mean things to you out of anger. I know I build things up inside to a boiling point, then lash out at you with extreme prejudice. I know you have a sensitive spirit, easily hurt, and I should respect that. Aiden has a sensitive spirit too, and I am worried that I might cause him damage also if I do not change. As soon as I knew what was up, I tried hard to change it, but I just didn�t meet your needs in time. I am tormented all the time that I was too late in realizing what I had done. I felt that my only hope of getting you back was by changing myself, but by then there was already another person.

I would like to have a fresh start and this separation will help give us time to reflect on what we need to do to improve ourselves and our marriage. But our marriage cannot move forward with Ian, or any other man between us. In order to rebuild our marriage you must promise me, and yourself, to never make any type of contact with him ever, even when tries to contact you.

Please take your time in Colorado to reflect on what is needed for you. Please do not come home unless you want to fix our marriage, leave other lovers behind, and make a commitment to our family.

During this time of separation I will not call you, talk to you, or try to see you in anyway, until you are able to make this promise. I will not support you financially so you can exercise your independence. I still love you, but I can�t support your needs when you are thinking of someone else. If I need to get a hold of you, or if you need to get a hold of me please use your sister or mother as a mediator. Call the kids through your mom�s cell phone if you want, and they will call you when they want to with your moms help.

I want to rebuild our marriage from the ground up, starting by dating. Our marriage is meant to be eternal; it can stand this type of test, as long as there is not another man interfering. It can weather this test by fulfilling each other�s needs, refrain from hurting each other, and we can fall in love again. We both have a lot to work on, and this time apart will be very beneficial finding ourselves, and learning our needs and what makes us happiest. I believe we can be happy one day, and this will only be a little blip in the grand scheme of things.

We need a new lifestyle. Like the one we had when we were first married, when we had time to spend together, without T.V, or video games in our way. We were free to go out on walks down the canal, out mountain biking, or just grabbing some hot chocolate and sitting, talking for hours in the car. I miss those days, and our current lifestyle does not reflect us at all anymore. It would mean giving up video games, and movies as our only choice for a date, but I am willing to get rid of those things in order to save our marriage, and our love.

I have always loved you, even to the day that you left me. I cried at my work for hours thinking of you leaving me. I still love you, and I want to work with you to build our marriage. I want to not only be your best friend, but your mysterious online lover too�.lol. It�s just impossible to gain your attention when Ian is trying to talk to you. I just turn into room noise.

Your Eternal Companion, Best Friend, and your hopeful Lover,
Brad

WS, good letter!! I took out potential lovebusters and shortened it up a bit. Check this out;

Hey Babe,
I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affairs possible. I foolishly lashed out in anger and didn�t make an effort to meet your needs. I was not there for you when you needed me most, and we are now both suffering for my mistake. I would like to have a fresh start and this separation will help give us time to reflect on what we need to do to improve ourselves and our marriage. But our marriage cannot move forward with Ian, or any other man between us. In order to rebuild our marriage you must end your affair forever.

I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and create a new life for both of us that meet your needs. But I cannot do that until you end your relationship with Ian once and for all and commit to doing what it takes to fix our marriage.

Until that happens, I will not have any contact with you.

During this time of separation I ask that you do not contact me unless it is an emergency. All pertinent information about the kids should be passed through your mother or sister. Call the kids through your mom�s cell phone if you want, and they will call you when they want to with your moms help.

I want to rebuild our marriage from the ground up, starting by dating. Our marriage is meant to be eternal; it can stand this type of test, as long as there is not another man interfering. It can weather this test by fulfilling each other�s needs, refrain from hurting each other, and we can fall in love again. I believe we can be happy one day, and this will only be a little blip in the grand scheme of things.

We need a new lifestyle. Like the one we had when we were first married, when we had time to spend together, without T.V, or video games in our way. We were free to go out on walks down the canal, out mountain biking, or just grabbing some hot chocolate and sitting, talking for hours in the car. I miss those days, and our current lifestyle does not reflect us at all anymore. It would mean giving up video games, and movies as our only choice for a date, but I am willing to get rid of those things in order to save our marriage, and our love.

I have always loved you, even to the day that you left me. I still love you, and I want to work with you to build our marriage. I want to not only be your best friend, but your lover�

Your Eternal Companion, Best Friend, and your hopeful Lover,
Brad
[/quote]

That is all I would say for now but when she wnats to come back is when you will get into the nuts and bolts of your conditions. FOR EXAMPLE, when she is ready to end her affair and commit to the marriage she would have to agree to NO COMPUTER in the house.

Cool Mel,
That helps me out alot. I was anxious, wondering why you were taking so long, but now i see. You really pumped out something that is short and sweet. I tried to avoid LB, but ya know what?! Im bad at identifying them....lol....one more thing on the list of stuff to work on.

Ah man!...no computer in the house? I just bought me a new one. Plus the WW needs it for her Mary Kay buisness.

uh...can we get rid of her buisness too?...yay!

If her business is not making love bank deposits for you, then I think it should be gotten rid of.

That computer has about destroyed your lives. I would either get rid of it or replace it with a laptop that you can take to work with you and bring home at night. That way you can be on it only when you are together.

Just an update:

My wife is still gone, and i haven't sent out the Plan B letter. I think she got a round trip ticket so she will be back next weekend. I haven't talked to her since Tuesday.

I logged into her yahoo email, and I saw that the OM was trying to get a hold of her. Saying "how are you holding up?", and "Ill take all the blame for this mess." DELETEed permanently.

I emailed 2 of WW sisters that OM is still trying to contact WW.

It seems like this situation is starting to affect DS3. He said last night that nobody likes him. This is not my son saying this, he has always been cheerful and upbeat. I was thinking I should put my boys in day care so they get the attention and what they need during the day.

DO NOT put this in any letter to your wife.

You are in extremely fragile conditions in your marriage and having access to your children.

Any written admission about your parenting skills wouldn't not bode well in front of a judge.

Period.

Yeah,, im going to use the letter presented to me by mel, but I think she has a round trip ticket, and will be back soon. I really don't want her back until the A ends, and she is committed to fixing the marriage. If she doesn't want the marriage to work then she is not welcome back at all.

I was thinking that I do have OM address, and he lives with his mother. I think she needs a letter.

Update:
I went to the counselor today without WW, and at the end of the session he agreed with everything I did. Exposure, and all the like. However, he said that there really isn't much more he can really do for us because she has an addiction to World of Warcraft. She is neglecting her responsibilities as a parent, and does not do anything that the counselor suggests. He really can't work with someone who is unwilling to be worked with.

My wife is addicted to an affair, World of Warcraft, and rebels against requests by those in authority. What do i do with that?

Finish your exposure if you haven't already.

Cut off her credit cards and debit cards (but do send some money to her sister for upkeep).

Cancel her WoW account.

Send SAA to the sister she's staying with.

Identify an intermediary, make sure they are aware what is expected of them, and send the plan B letter.