I would hope those children would place the guilt for the divorce where it belongs.

MB success stats are so skewed. 100%! It is to laugh.

I'm sure the 100% success stat is skewed

Where did this 100% come from?

I thought the national was 30%, with actual MB board users coming in slightly higher at less than 50%

How should you deal with your spouse's affair(s)? You should divorce them asap. Period. No second chances, regardless of finances, kids, etc.

I do not possess the one best answer for anyone else. Apparently, you do.

The fact that leaving is easier than staying after infidelity is the biggest indicator that it's the correct course of action, in my opinion.

I understand this won't be a popular opinion on this particular board, but sometimes I'll read a few topics and shake my head in disbelief. This is only my opinion, and I wish I would've taken my own advice years earlier.

You can't really rebuild trust after being betrayed like that. Some people claim they have, but I simply don't believe them. I think they are deluding themselves out of fear of ending the marriage. They can't do better than a cheater? Really? I can.

These WSs deserve to be dropped like a bad habit,

and every BS deserves better.

If you don't think you deserve a partner who HAS NEVER cheated on you, then you should take a hard look at your self-esteem. Unconditional love should only apply to your kids, if anyone at all. I don't think it's healthy to continue to love someone who physically, mentally, and emotionally tortured you so they could have an orgasm or an ego boost.

Dump them. I walked out on my ex after trying for 3 years to get over what she did to me. It was the best move I've made in my entire life. She doesn't deserve me, and your WS/FWS doesn't deserve you, and never will.

Krazy - It's NOT your opinion I object to.
I am fine with your opinion.
What I find so distasteful is your intolerance for the opinions and personal choices of other betrayed spouses.

Gack, that dead horse has been kicked tooo many times!

It just comes down to people opposing the idea that The MB Program has a 100% money back satisfaction guarantee!

Krazy, I pray that there will come a time that you are finally able let go of your anger and hate!

{{{{{{{{{{{KRAZY71}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Again, you're absolutely 100% correct! BS'es deserve so much better!


and yes, even Dr. Harley agrees with you, unconditional love is not healthy in a marriage!

I am a firm believer in the program, but nothing works 100% of the time for 100% of people

When I found that the model I've developed had helped over 90% of those I was counseling, I gave up my career as a college professor and started counseling full-time. At the time, I didn't assume that it would save all of the marriages it seemed to help, because I felt there were factors beyond a couple's control. But after 35 years of experience with this model, I'm not convinced that it works with 100% of couples who follow it. I've yet to witness one couple out of the tens of thousands I've seen, that did not experience a healthy and happy marriage by following this model. Personally, I feel it's the only answer to the question, how can a couple have a great marriage for life?

But it�s very difficult to prove that one model of marital satisfaction is superior to another. The ultimate test is to randomly assign couples to various models and to measure their marital satisfaction after the provisions of each model have been implemented.

The training of therapists is a huge problem: How can we be sure that the therapist assigned to each model was properly trained? And there�s also the problem of representation and random assignment: Does the group of volunteer couples represent the population at large? And is the assignment to treatment groups really random? There�s also the ethical problem of assigning couples to a control group where they receive no effective treatment. When they divorce, does the researcher bear any responsibility? Finally, if someone who has a stake in the outcome does the research, it usually shows that their approach is best. Shouldn�t studies of alternative models of marital satisfaction be conducted by those neutral to the outcome?

My own personal experience led me to the model I�ve been using for the past 35 years. But that�s not proof of it�s superiority over other models. What I need is objective studies conducted by those who have no bias that compare this model to others. That�s hard to find even among those who have published hundreds of articles on martial therapy.

But I can direct you to three studies that support my enthusiasm. They all deal with my book, His Needs, Her Needs, the popular application of my model, and the effect it has on couples that read it.

The readers of Marriage Partnership Magazine were asked which self-help book on marriage helped their marriages the most. In that survey, His Needs, Her Needs came out on top. I didn�t know that the survey was even being conducted, so when I called the editor after the results came in, I was curious to know more. He told me that it not only was the top choice, but it was far ahead of second place (Ron R. Lee. Best Books for a Better Marriage: Reader�s Survey . Marriage Partnership Magazine, Spring 1998).

In a national survey that I sponsored, people were asked if any self-help book on marriage solved their marital problems. Out of 57 books that were read, only three were reported to have actually solved marital problems. The three were the Bible, James Dobson�s Love for a Lifetime, and His Needs, Her Needs (Lynn Hanacek Gravel. Americans and Marriage: National Survey of US Adults. Barna Research Group, 2001).

Finally, five out of six couples that read His Needs Her Needs were found to experience significant improvement in marital satisfaction (Julie D. Braswell. The Impact of Reading a Self-Help Book on the Topic of Gender Differences on One�s Perceived Quality of Marriage. Doctoral Dissertation, 1998, Azusa Pacific University.

Granted, these findings are not conclusive evidence that the model I use is superior to every other model of marital satisfaction. But when you find one that works for every couple that actually follows it, you have to be impressed. And coming as I did from almost zero effectiveness to almost complete success, I can�t begin to tell you how convinced I am that it�s the solution to a very difficult problem we face in our society.

I hope this helps answer your question.

Best wishes,
Willard F. Harley, Jr.

Dr Harley has been terribly misquoted on this issue. Not to mention that some have taken his words about his success rate and applied it to Plan A and Plan B. In Plan A he states it works to end the affair in 15% of the cases. He never guarantees anything in the case of the affair and he never guarantees anything in the case of a spouse who won't use the program. He obviously make someone use the program against their will. But here is what he has said about his program ["Program" in this sense meaning the implementation of his Basic Concepts]

Guess what? This IS me giving support.