Hello ceverson, while filing for divorce may seem it will help you, please think it over carefully. It is hard to undo, but some have! <BR>Your husband sounds very lost, but you have control over your own feelings, emotions, and reactions to this!! Believe it or not, we do have control. You have said more than once that you lose it with him, and verbally attack. No one wins in this situation, everyone continues to be bruised and beat down. <BR>I know you are hurting so deeply right now that it is hard to see there is any other way to respond, but there is. You are making yourself ill with all the anger and hate. Okay, so he is saying things that do not help, but so are you! How can he express himself if you become angry or hysterical when he does? In my humble opinion, you need to calm down, get a grip on the reponses to your h. Things will continue to deteriorate and any loving feelings the two of you once shared will be buried in hate and pain.<BR>YOu ahve read harley's info here, so you know what you need to do!!<BR>Be strong my friend and follow the plan. No one said it would be easy. Hardest thing I have done in my entire life, but worth it. My h and I are together, but even if we were not, following the harley's advice was still the answer. <BR>Look at yourself and help yourself to grow during this. You said your h is in counseling, but are you? Is there a couples counselor in your area to help you both? Can you counsel with harley via the phone? <BR>You asked if divorce could cure you of the pain? I wondered the same at some times. For me the answer was no, it could not cure the pain. The only thing that helped my pain was to understand myself better, to give my h the love I always had given him, and to take a good hard look at what I truly wanted in life. My h had nothing to do with this part of recovering from the devastation-it was inside of me the whole time. I just did not see it or feel it. I did not have the tools to help myself.<BR>I read a lot, spent many hours exercising, meditating, looking for help! Especially help from the kind and knowing souls here. Someone introduced me to god again, and that has been wonderful. I did not have very effective counseling and should have stopped sooner, but since i was in search mode, I continued. My counselors made for some lively discussions here on the forum! <BR>I don't think that filing for divorce will help your pain. I think that you need to look at yourself and find your own path. I can understand wanting to be pro-active, but maybe you are trying to channel that into the wrong place? Use the energy to help yourself heal, and then see where your h is. If the two of you can work it out, then great!! If not, you will know that you tried so hard, and you will see that you have grown so much. (((hugs))) cl
