We get at least 20 hours a week together. We will be spending 4 days together starting tomorrow. Well, 2 days solid and at least 8 hours a day for 2 days. H will probably drive me nuts by Sunday. Going to go work out together all 4 days and go out to eat Saturday and Sunday. Plan on cutting down a tree in the back yard too(I have to make sure he doesn't get himself hurt or killed). We try to do things together. He even helps me around the house now, he doesn't do a whole lot but it makes a big difference in how the house looks and that is what counts to me.

I see H is trying and that gives me hope but I do know that we have a long way to go.

Still hoping and praying.

Went to see my counselor this morning and it was a good session. Says that I am doing everything right and that I have a good attitude but keeping an eye on everything which is good. Says that my H has a long way to go and that his actions need to follow his words. I totally agree. My counselor said that I look like I have lost about 20pounds.

H has been upbeat with me today. Constantly picking on me and flirting some too. Not mean picking just joking around with me.

Making lasagna tonight and having a salad and garlic bread with it. H loves my lasagna. Wonder what tonight will bring.

Still hoping and praying.

Traci I am going to ask you a point blank question. Forgive me if you allready answered it.

Do you like what the marriage builders plan that Dr. Harley uses and has set up to build marriages and make them stronger?

Sorry two questions.. Why haven't you used his services fo counselling?

If husband is not seeing the same counselor as you about your marriage then I worry about that but doesn't he need help also for depression? ..oops.. thats three.

You are a formidable woman with strong drives and convictions and I think you could handle just about anything Traci. I don't know how strong that comes across for your hubby and what in the world would make him feel he should leave. Is it possible that you have been so accustomed to taking care of him that you guys are heading back to a relationship that needs to be worked on at a practical level like MB and Doc H is capable of?

This is a marriage builders site not just a repair site. I look at it like most ppl treat cars. They go to the mechanic when its run down and all they are willing to do is get it running again. The mechanic tells them a list of stuff and all they will do is fix what they need to keep it going because they are still so focused on the "way it used to work" and they put off repair against the advice of the technician, who many times is telling the truth.

I don't nessesarily trust counselors to be able to wave a magic wand or read my mind and I see most of them as hand-holders. Thats good but I want someone who will teach ME to do the work as they discern the problem. I know you can find a way to pay for it. The questionaires and practices are nuts and bolts of any relationship that wants to stay healthy. You guys deserve to have an awesome marriage and I would be irresponsible as a freind here if I didn't ask these questions.

Are you just getting the marriage patched up or are you gonna go to the best mechanic we know here, Doc H?

If you allready are well share that with us or at least just tell us, (sorry I can't speak for everyone, just tell me), so I wont be worried that you are over amping yourself while Hubby stays confused untill you tell him the next thing to do.

God bless T

Right now I am trying my best to follow the teachings of Dr. Harley. Cannot get H to go to IC yet. He wanted me to make the appointment and I told him no, he had to do it. H is on antidepressants at the moment. I refuse to do things for him but try to fulfill his emotional needs. I have noticed lately that he is trying to fulfill mine.

Today H told me that this past week has been the best since he has been back and I have to agree with him. We have talked and spent a lot of time together doing things. It has been enjoyable. Yesterday I told him that I had made a lot of small changes to myself while he was gone and he said that he had noticed. I told him that the small things make the biggest difference and he agreed. I have noticed that he has changed too. He seems to much more relaxed and he communicates not only a lot more but better. H does other things as well.

H feels when we get to a certain point then we cango to counseling as a couple and see my therapist. Right now I just wish he would go to IC for himself but I can only encourage but he has to make that decision.

I wish I could afford to go to Dr. Harley's seminar but my finances are very tight at the moment. Luckily for me my insurance covers my therapy sessions and all I have to pay is $30 a visit. All I can do is follow Dr. Harley's advice in his books and get my H to read those books and pray a whole lot.

Still hoping and praying.

Pepper we laughed all weekend and it was fun. We not only laghed together but at each other. That is probably why this past week and weekend was so good. We laughed amongst other things. Things are progressing slowly but surely.

Still hoping and praying.

If you finances are tight now they will be destroyed if you get a D. Spend that money for the best investment that you can make ...in your M.

Blessing and prayers to you and your family.

cool Traci good to hear

Proverbs 17:22
A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.


All I can think of is Rodger Rabbit, When The detective asks Jessica Rabbit what she sees in Rodger she says,"He makes me laugh"

Lol Then rodger was heartbroken when he found out his wife was spending time RK Maroon playing ,, "PATTYCAKE"!!


Its good to laugh at ourselves. Us humans do such dumb stuff.

Been working on my marriage for the past week and let my H have it last week. He got upset with me for it. I told him that there would be days when I would get upset and that he would have to understand this. Told him that I have been very understanding about him even when I didn't like what I heard and that he should show me the same consideration.

H is making an appointment to see a counselor finally and I am so glad. Told him he needed to at least see one for himself if nothing else. Haven't got him to agree to joint counseling yet.

I got a tattoo last week and I haven't let anyone in my family know about it. I kind of hinted around about having one to H that I had one when he came home and kept my back hidden from him too. Well I was washing the car this afternoon and my shirt came up while I was wahing the rims and I didn't cover it up fast enough. He saw it. He thinks I have had it since last year and I am not telling him any different. I got a "tramp stamp" that says "dochas" that is Scottish gaelic for "hope". My mother is from Scotland so I got something that meant something and all I have left right now is hope. The word is also in celtic script so it is different.

I have to admit trying to recover is very hard but hopefully in the end it will be worth it. Told H that I knew he still loved me even if he didn't realize it. Told him that I hope he wouldn't realize it too late though. I am tired and it has only been 2 months since he came back. I know that things will get better slowly but surely.

Still hoping and praying.

Doing fine but exhausted. Injured my back almost 2 weeks ago and I finally have the pain under control but have trouble staying asleep because I have to wake up to turn over. This is getting better.

Tommorow is my 45th birthday and H wants to know where to take me but I just don't care to go anywhere because it is just another day for me. It didn't use to be but the way things are right now it is just another day. We agreed weeks ago to not buy each other anything for all the special days of the year and concentrate on our bills. That makes sense to me and I have always told him over the years that I didn't need anything bought for me. I would rather have H do things for me than buy me anything. If he wants to buy me something I would rather he buy me something small during the year and surprise me with it than buy me something large and expensive for my birthday. Right now what I want for my birthday he isn't ready to give me--himself.

H has tried twice to make an appointment with a counselor and they have been closed. This is onew that my counselor recommended. He tried a week ago and got a recording that said they were open Mon-Thurs 10:00-4:00 and yesterday they said they would be back on Monday. I don't know how hw is going to get an appointment. He said he was going to call Monday morning.

Still hoping and praying

I suggest you go out with hubby on birthday because it is NOT just another day. I know thats how it feels and you are still hurting but I have experiaced this same feeling. I lived like it for years, allways the dilegent servant and living white knuckleing it as I tried to hold stuff together. Take a break for a day and believe anything is possible. You can relax one day right?

Whatever H gives you, action or thing, will be all he has so its special. It will take time before you guys straighten out the problems. Between you and him, money is a detail of life. You allready deal with this daily. Your birthday is a day to stand tall for what you are fighting for between yourselves, even if its bittersweet right now.

Thinking of you guys and praying also

You go out dagnabit and you have a good time.

Celebrate life and your entrance 45 years ago onto this planet and how life is so very precious and cool.

It IS!

Hope all is going well Traci

Been talking to H still. Let him know that I now look forward to going home everyday. He told he does too.

Had a good birthday on Saturday. We actually worked on the yard some more. All we have left to do is lay a pallet of sod and plant some shade plants. We had a sense of accomplishment that day. We went out for dinner and I was so glad he didn't have them sing happy birthday to me.

Went on line today and found out that OW's divorce was final 2 days ago. If H knows he hasn't said anything yet. Don't know if I should mention it.

I have to admit that things seem to be doing much better and H says things are getting better everyday. H says he enjoys being with me.

I just have to keep praying and giving time, time.

Still hoping and praying.

Nope, why would you want remind him she exists?

NC for life, in thought and in person.

Thanks, I won't mention her divorce. I can about guarantee that he is going to hear about from somebody, though. I just wonder how long it will take and from whom and when will he tell me.

Still hoping and praying.

'IF' it is a guarantee, and you feel it would be better coming from you, then do it matter of fact, as though it as important as sharing the fact you have a really big zit somewhere undignified. Have a 'change the subject' or activity to do after notification to stop either of you dwelling on it.

Her D is not interesting or relevant to you and your M.

I guess that I am just worried that now she is divorced she might try to get back into our loves again. My marriage means too much to me for her to try to come between us again. Except this time I am ready and I will fight for my husband and my marriage and I can promise that this time I will pull out all the stops and fight dirty. She will not know what hit her this time because this time it will be me.

Still hoping and praying.