You just earned your cookie...

Is it GS Cookie season AGAIN! Sheesh, seems like it comes around every year.

I just discovered a line of cookies at Dollar General that I think comes from the same cookie plants as GS cookies. All two of them. Or maybe just one of them. Taste the same. Available year round. . .

Huzza.

Uh oh, there goes Pep.

Shut up Larry

When i think of her, i do feel the rage come up. i had met her, some of the "work friends" many times. met her husband, they and most of the friends from WH work came to my son's grad. party. she had always complimented me, we had a fun, easy relationship. i thought of her as i would one of my daughter's friends. she was that young. never even occurred to me to be worried until it was to late.

now, everything about her makes me sick, i view her good qualities as a threat to everything i held dear. now i have trust issues, can't seem to meet women of any age at face value. it does get to me that i think her life is wonderful, that she didn't suffer any of the aftershocks, consequences of her actions. what bothers me more is that WH and her even thought they could go back to being friends at one point.

WH-just plain stupid, OW-crazy like a fox. i went from seeing her caught up in a situation that spiraled out of control to seeing her as the manipulative little b**** that she was and is.

truth is she is probably a little bit of both. so i try to keep my thoughts off her and my thoughts on WH and our marriage. if i am going to spend any effort at all on all of this mess, it will be on us...not her...

Sorry pep, your just a better person than I am.

It's been 2 1/2 years since my D and I still have a hard time getting over it.

Sure no one forced my ExH to sleep with her, but she knew very well that he was M'd and had kids. She had a H of her own. She will always be a wh$re in my eyes.

ExH M'd OW. They have a child now. She got the man and life I was supposed to have...

They don't seem to be having any ill consequences. Matter a fact things seem to be going just peachy for them right now...

Tomorrow marks 4 days post-DDay for us. While things are better, I still kick myself for the lies that I bought hook-line-and sinker. WH wouldn't do NC letter, however, he has not contacted, and I don't believe that he would ever again. My fear is that OW might attempt contact. I have tried to keep tabs on her, but she got married (to boyfriend she had during A with my H), so name has changed.

I would love to confront her....I want to look her in the eye, spit in her face, and tell her what a POS she really is. I want to scream in her face what a scumbag THING she is. But, sadly, I also fear that if that were to happen, she would end it by throwing up some detail of the A that would bring me to my knees, and she would walk away the victor.

So, for now, I deal with the painful memories that have faded with time. I kick myself less often. I enjoy my time with my H and pray that I NEVER go through that he)) again. Here's hoping that her new H gave her a taste of what I've been through!

SS

In my case, I would love for the OM to suffer.

Pond Scum came waltzing in with his eye for vulnerable women, lied his a$$ off, had his fun, and bailed as soon as she confessed to me. This guy lied to everyone about his M status and had everyone believing it. He managed to successfully gaslight his W, and from what I can tell, suffered no consequences for his actions. I despise him for his sociopathic ways.

His scumbag-ness actually helped in R. When I discovered he'd lied about his M status, and had been gaslighting his W, any feelings of WD my then-WW had been feeling evaporated in an instant.

As for a confrontation, I sincerely hope it never happens. I'm afraid of what I might do, and I'm afraid of the consequences if it does occur. A physical confrontation would be an unmitigated disaster, no matter how it turned out. Losing my job would be a best-case scenario.

I certainly hope I never come across him on his motorcycle if I'm driving down a highway. If I was able to control myself, it would be either a miracle or show more self-control than I think I possess.

There would be nothing in for me. I actually have a life, I am very well regarded in my community, and I don't have to live off of my wife's paycheck.

Of course, if I had an opportunity to get the city to terminate his sorry butt, I'd do it in a heartbeat, especially if I could do it without having my fingerprints all over it....

Cobol
As a FWW, I can tell you that the OW does suffer tremendously. At least, in my case--that is true.

I am 1 year 7 months past d day and I still suffer everyday. I lost my entire life because of the stupid decisions I made. I know that every case is different, but for me this is true.

Funny though, I think the same thing about OM. I wonder why I'm the one doing all the suffering and it seems that he's had to deal with very little consequence. I don't know this since there is NC, but, I just imagine that his life is all peaches and cream...and I'm doing all the paying for what we BOTH caused.

I just get a little confused when I hear a BS say "well, she KNEW he was married"--which yes, that's true. But, the WH KNEW he was married better than anyone else. WH is the one who broke HIS vows. And, WW's (if married) are the one who broke their vows to their spouse.

I understand hating other person and wanting them dead...but, please remember that the OW's do suffer if they are at all human. Some aren't though.

Seems that for the last almost 2 years, life just doesn't really hold very much. It was a horrible mistake that I PARTICIPATED in because I was just stupid enough to believe all the lies/promises I was being told. My stupidity--my mistake. But, suffer? More than you'll ever know.

I think that anger at someone who harmed you is a healthy, rational reaction to injustice. I seriously question those who are not angry at injustice. Decent people are supposed to be angry at injustice.

As far as the OW, just becuase she didn't break "vows" with the BS, does not absolve her of the crime of climbing into bed with a married man. That is a low down scummy thing to do to a another woman no matter how you spin it. There is no justification for it. If an OW "suffers" for her crime, it is self wrought. She is no victim.

I never meant to imply that I was "absolved" of anything. Just simply stating that WH should be held equally accountable and this doesn't usually seem to be the case. You're right, it is a low down scummy thing to do to another human being. I think I've stated that many times before here. I do not view myself as a victim--anymore. In the beginning, I did. But, I completely own my actions and know that my situation is of my own doing.
But, I have paid and paid and paid and continue to do so today. So, for anyone who thinks that an OW doesn't suffer, you couldn't be more wrong. I'm sure that in some cases it could be true but, just as I don't know if OM suffered any--you don't know that OW doesn't or hasn't suffered. A's cause suffering to everyone involved.

You're kidding, right?

When and where is an OW ever held accountable for anything? She screws the MM and then runs off and leaves the damage in her wake. How is that "accountable?" Did the OW go to months and years of counseling? Did the OW make amends to me, my family? What the hell do you mean the WH is not held equally accountable?

The WH is held accountable; the OW IS NOT AT ALL.

Are you being silly?

Married man persues married woman. Tells married woman lies and makes all kinds of promises...meets emotional needs, has an A. But, married woman is all to blame because she knew married man was married. Married man of course does not realize he is married thus it's okay for him to do these things.
Yes, married woman should have known better than to allow herself to become involved with anyone other than her husband.

I'm not sure what you're asking me what I'm kidding about?

I committed a terrible act of treason on BH and OMW. I said that I completely owned that fact. So, what are you asking me if I'm kidding?

I've suffered more than anyone could ever imagine because of my actions. But, I'm trying to be a decent person--trying to live right and do the right things.

Mel
What would you like for OW to do to "make ammends" to you? In my case, I may not have been able to do anything to make ammends to OMW. If I had even attempted to do so, it would have meant nothing to her.
But, I have certainly been accountable to my spouse. It works both ways. I suppose your WH had to be accountable to you but, OW had to be accountable to her BH as well. So, it's not like OW just gets to skip off on her merry little way. I can only speak to my experience but I may as well have been gutted and skinned alive.
What do you want from OW?

Do you seriously imagine that the WH is not held to blame? I am flabbergasted that you would make such a statement on a board where there is a WEALTH of evidence to the contrary. Nor is an OW held "accountable" for her crime against the BS, what a ridiculous statement.

Dawn, it is very telling that you are so overly concerned with a "fairness" of blame over an affair. Do you truly not comprehend how INSANE it is to concern yourself with �fairness� of blame after you have had an adulterous affair with a MARRIED MAN?

Your attitude reflects the FOGGED OUT thinking of an WAYWARD, do you realize that? You identify with and defend WAYWARDS. How do you explain this?

Another foggy statement. Read what you said earlier:

Which is it?

Honestly, Dawn, how is it that you have been here so long and are still this foggy? Any wayward who is concerned about equivalence of blame and "fairness" after she has just screwed some other woman's husband is still a wayward.

Melody
I do not feel that I am in any way defending a wayward. I only stated that it seems that I read here on this forum so many times how it is always OW's fault that WH went astray.

I don't defend my actions or any other waywards actions. It is a despicable atrocity against anyone. I think I've said that I owned my actions--I was wrong. I hurt many people. How could I possibly defend that?

I just think it's a little absurd to think that just because someone is/was an OW, doesn't mean that they themselves have not suffered anything at all.