Sunshine/26Y:
I will repost what I said, in case you didn't read it:
Why? A LB would be: "I was thinking about you and the POSOW!"
And invitation, and the O&H route, would be to say: "I fall into a funk thinking about your A and the things that were happening, and things are better now, but I am still troubled by them...."
And then let him help you out of your funk...
Discuss what is troubling you. Flamingo and I STILL discuss things, even 4 years past Dday.
My job is to help HER feel better and to address her concerns, whatever they might be. And if she is down, then I try to find out why, and if possible, help her to feel better. Maybe it was something I did, or someone else that is making her down. But I am her friend. And not afraid to talk to her....
Did you notice where I stated that I STILL talk about it. When ever she needs to. Do I get upset? Yes. I do.
BUT I CAUSED THIS.
So, I address her questions/concerns/fears, etc.
Is she still troubled? Oh yes. I have chopped off her arm and she still has that "phantom feeling". It will never really "go away"
And yes, I expect to take it to my grave as well.
And if your WH is so defensive, then IT IS HIS PROBLEM.
Don't want it to be a fight on your part, then stuff your emotions. like you have been. Then, think that YOUR going crazy.
Your WH has you right where he wants you now.
So my original advice still stands.
Learn how to address it in an O&H Way. And if you can't, then maybe you should divorce him.
Ask anyone HERE who has recovered thier marriage from an Affair using the MB Methods. They will tell you that thier spouses are FORMERLY wayward. Not "since I am not talking or screwing another person, I'm not wayward" wayward.
And my wife can snoop on my anytime she wants. I hand over my cell phone whenever she wants, she has my passwords.
THere is not secrecy, there is privacy. But not secrecy.
Yes. It IS possible.
O&H starts it.
And it starts with YOU.
If he asks whats wrong, TELL HIM.
If you can't get to that, then, why bother being married....
LG
