to play devils advocate (against Just Learning I know is stupid)

Perhaps they ment - it shows power and strength because they are bucking societies norms? I.E. = supposidly society says its wrong to cheat...but cheating is become more like...smoking pot...technically its not okay but you know lots of people who do it and you might try it givent he right circumstances...

liberal type womens libbers (of which I am not one) may say it is empowering to a women because its like...taking back control...so many years women were under mans thumb..now we have same jobs as them and we can cheat too!! (i am really stretching here to try and see through this persons cracked POV)...

Why get married? TAX BREAK!...The PARTY...The GIFTS...sounds good at the time? People spend more time preparing for the wedding then they do the resulting life AFTER the wedding...then when its all over and they are leaving the party hall they look at each other and go...now what?


There is so much "entitlement" running amock...things people said to me leading up to my ONS - you are "entitled to be happy" "You deserve to be happy". "You have to be happy to be a good mom for your kids" - if you feel good about yourself then you will be a better wife to your husband....even stupid stuff like...in a plane they tell you to put your mask on first before you put it on your kid...that means you gotta take care of yourself. So - that means a mom can spend money onhair and nails and clothes and flirt with other men and drink and party...to make herself feel good. Its all a bunch of BS...and i dont mean betrayed spouse. Pursuit of thats stuff leaves you more empty than when you began. Only God can fill the hole inyour life...

But that is an open admission that women are stupid and anything but "equal." If a woman is "under man's thumb" then she is just a dumb broad to begin with. And the notion that it is "empowering" to put out for free is borderline mentally retarded. There is nothing empowering about that. We are not talking about bright gals here.

I wish that someone could break into the Ashley Madison site and release all their real names to the public.

So sick of hearing about all this infidelity and entitlement everyday on the news.

Just saw on the news that Tiger Woods is golfing again. They said that Nike wanted to support him and put him in a commercial. I just wrote to Nike telling them I am going out this weekend to buy new sneakers (true) and I won't be buying Nikes because they are condoning infidelity.

Will it do any good? Probably not but they just lost a sale.

Not only is it not empowering, it is disgusting. I was always taught that is a w h o r e.

There is nothing empowering in being a degenerate. Losing the respect of decent people in society by behaving indecently diminishes one's power, not the other way around. People don't respect women who act like that.

In my career, women who are easy and skanky don't get promoted because they are viewed as persons of low character; or untrustworthy.

ITA Mel.

I remember my mom used to always tell me that men liked to "date" women that were "easy" but they didn't like to "marry" them and i so agree with her sentiments....

I don't think it's showing power or strength at all! Just the opposite. Cowardness and jerkishness, if I may make up a word. It interesting that a site like this would "empower" people to cheat. Obviously something is going on in their marriage or that they never forged a strong bond in the first place or something.

This is why I don't understand why some people get married. Especially so quickly in some cases. They totally forget to build the commitment that goes along with marriage. There is that physical attraction and.... nothing. And then they choose to marry...

I also think fidelity in a relationship has sadly gone with the wind. That's not to say it should not be valued (it really really should be!!!), but the fact is it isn't. Look at our media, look at our movies, our tv shows. It's sexy to be bed-jumping. It's sexy to cheat on someone. It's the ability to have scandal and still be popular in spite of it. "If they can do it, or portray it, why can't I?"

Marriage is nothing to some people. Not the full-fledged commitment it is supposed to be. The life-long commitment.

Hell, there are books out there called "The Starter Wife" and the like. Just the title of that made me want to

/rant

Apparently, we're not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy.

Check this out. To wit:

Sites linked in the article (for those who don't want to click to the article:



http://www.healthymarriageinfo.org/research_stats/index.cfm

http://www.divorcereform.org/mel/raffairstats.html

http://www.womansavers.com/infidelity-statistics.asp

http://www.infidelitystatistics.com/

http://www.infidelity-cheaters.com/

http://www.lovegevity.com/marriage/collectiveguidance/need_to_know.html

http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/infidelitystats.html

sigh - as my BH often points out...they are worse then who-oars...because they do it for free. a who-oar gets paid for services provided...of course he is saying this in reference to me and thats a WHOLE different thread.

I agree, cheaters are nothing but cowards and jerks. Sheesh, I've had plenty of opportunities where I could have gone "that" direction but, no way, that is not something I would ever do. Heck, just the idea of even giving something like that "a whirl" repulses me. Nope, when I said my wedding vows (ie: "promises" of) I actually meant them (for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health...etc). Why vow a lifetime of love to someone if you're just going to end up hurting them anyway? Sure, no one can predict the future, but all of us CAN control what we do when we get there and, if we choose to cheat...well, that's just being weak and cowardly, IMO.

Thanks, but no thanks, I'd rather remain strong. :-)

I tend to agree with this. I have alot more respect for prostitutes because, at least, she is getting paid for her services.

I can't even stand to watch cheaters any more. Although I wish I could have used their services. I have seen people with so called opened marraiges. They never last either. I think what most of us want is a faithful partner, someone to trust, companionship, someone to grow old with, and most of all someone to love and get that love back knowing that your the only one that fills a space in their heart that no one else can take away. There may be more but that's my 2 cents.

I think this article is written because they are playing to reader demographics as opposed to really revealing a fundamental shift in attitudes.

Articles like this get written so that all the readers that have already had affairs can feel better about themselves. I think the people that they quote in these things are engaged in an attempt at "post-purchase rationalization".

Additionally, they quote the rise in participation as due to a change in attitudes, which most likely is not the case. It's a change in awareness. i.e. more people participating in this is not a sign of more people thinking this way, it's a sign that the people who always thought this way are more aware of the service. It's an advertising campaign, so of course they only talk to the people who think it's a great idea.

I agree, it's a stupid article, but I don't think it means the world is changing. Just marketing departments trying to make money by reaching their target audience.

the world is changing..hell...handbasket...

The things my kids are exposed to on TV as "okay" on KIDS channels...compared to what I saw is proof.

Anyone ever read the lyrics to barbie girl...really read them...if you have you wont let your daughter listen to the song...ever.

In one night allow cheating was treated as okay on the simpson, family guy, american dad, the cleveland show...one right after the other...

its at the point we cant watch TV. every channel glorifies it.

Las Vegas - come here and do what you shouldnt cause we dont tell...its okay *its a whole add campaign. Trust me. what happens in vegas eats away at your soul.

The world is getting worse..

Hi SisterReed,

I did not look at the link but Ya know what, this stuff doesn't phase me anymore, and perhaps cause I am like ooooold now..*s*

But, anyway, this sort of stuff has been around now for generations. How about the Springer shows, or some of the movies, or hype about Kennedy affairs, or even here in Chicago the Cardinal way back in the 70s had a mistress.

Ideally, satan's work (notice the lower case 'S'..*s*. The media is a great tool for trying to ruffle the feathers of those who believe in good and those who practive it and have their own morals. I realize how my wife and I used to be concerned about the impact of tv and all other things, peer groups etc. on our kids. And that is a real concern. What we did is try to pay attention to what was impacting them and guide them, same as you are doing.

As far as adults are concerned, yea some of the weak will succomb to some of this crap, but I think those with morals and faith will have the strength from their own faith, and recognize this crap for what it really is.

For me, I have work , relationships, errands and other crap to do tomorrow and I could not care less who advertises this stuff. If we're so upset than we need to individually voice our opinion to whoever is sponsoring this, and just boycott if necessary.

Thanks,

Tom

Hi SisterReed and others here,

I just had a second thought. I did not mean to imply in my previous post that I don't care about this stuff, because I do and I am concerned about it.

However, what I was trying to convey is just my way of handling it.

In my own faith belief, I believe that God, for whatever reason, does allow a certain amount of evil in this world. Sometimes that lever of evil seems like a terrible high amount, if you watch some of the news, and how it's presented.

On he other hand, even tho there is that evil in the world, it is God's job to take care of His flock, and not mine. My job is to care for my family and care for me, and that is tough enough most of the time. That theme of empowerment...which I heard from my wife for many years in the 70s and 80s, well, I don't agree with women being more empowered than men, animals, or the universe. I started my marriage simply expecting that she and I are equals and I have not strayed from that.

Anyway, this is a good string, I wanted to comment, and wish you all well.

Tom

probably because I am an FWW - I am more sensative...its like...

I became allergic to shellfish due to an over dose of iodine during a CT scan with resolution. It over loaded my system from to much exposure and i am hyper sensative to it.

Having allowed this life style to impact who I was and change it for a time..I think it makes my hypersensative. ITs like...i chocked on a piece of candy cane as a kid, ended up needing the hymlick and throwing up...now the thought of a candy cane makes me feel sick to the stomach and my throat tightens up...

I let this poisen impact my BH, my kids and myself once before...a reformed wayward is more zealous than a spouse who has never tasted the posin perhaps?

Interesting comments and I agree with most of them. SisterReed, your attempt to "support" was as you knew it would be... not compelling.

I agree that this generation did not invent sex, TV, or infidelity. What I see that bothers me more is people (yes women's movement among others) using external actions (right or wrong, in this case wrong) to validate something within them. What should be happening is the realization that they really did not need validating, but that requires introspection and core beliefs. Children since the 70's or 80's have not been exposed to religion in any depth and with the advent of instant electronic feedback are not really even introduced to the concept of introspection much less deep moral codes of conduct.

People used to cheat, but they did not turn around and say "yes but it is good for my marriage although I won't tell my spouse because I know it will hurt him/her and might end the marriage."

I watched a show on the US providing aids medications for people in Uganda on 60 minutes this weekend. It has been a very effective probgram and apparently the US is well thought of in Uganda because of it. However, one thing is occuring...The rate of new aids cases is going up because people no longer fear dying of aids.

I suspect the advent of birth control, day after pills, and better medicines have combined to provide people with a false sense that affairs and multiple partners is not going to hurt them morally, or physically. My father used to tell me that the two great motivators in life were "fear and greed". The "fear" part is diminished in our society and the "greed" part has increased. Morally, unless it is strong, the abstract concepts don't have much of an impact it appears and there are no social consequences these days.

I just find the attitude very worrisome.

JL

A women who used to be my friend was one of the people i exposed to at work. She was married women who i thought shared my values...

I had been up to that point surrounding myself with single women who supported the idea that I should make myself happy.

My spouse wasnt meeting my ENs so therefore i should get happy anyone I could.

I thought - married women, mother like me, she could keep me accountable while away from my BH at work.
I told her what happened. We had been friends for years.

Her response was - served your H right for not taking care of you...man i wish i was there...get out and about in vegas and kick up my heels. I just blinked at her - not knowing what to say.

Finally I said - i hurt my husband who I vowed to put before all others...i broke my vow - i hurt my children and terrified them because they thought their parents were divorcing...i was raped by a group of men because i was acting like a hooker in a hotel club in las vegas!!!! and you wish you could have been there!!!

I found out her marriage is in trouble...she is very angry at her husband and men in general. I tried to get her to read HNHR and LB...she wouldnt...says he is the one screwing it all up and should try to win her back. Tried to get her to watch love dare and fireproof...no sucess

Resentment, entitlement and anger - we wrap them around ourselves like shields...but when you drop them to the ground you find that what you have been blocking is love and happiness. I feel like I am surrounded by angry women.

Why are women so angry?

I used to be a happy women content with my marriage.

Until i began to think i wasnt good enough in the work place.
I wasnt busineslike enough
i wasnt "WOMEN" enough
i tried to act like the women round me
took on their behavior
..became angry
resnetful...i didnt even know I should resent somethings until they told me I should.

weak...ready to hope on board the "RIGHTS" - i have a right to be happy...i have a right to come home and do yoga. Cleaning house and cooking is so 1950s...your husband should Hire someone to do this.

The more i surrounded myself with the "modern" woman ...the more i hate my life and me...the more I tried to be someone I am not.

Why are women intodays society to brittle and angry?

Pep < - - - epitome of ill-egance.