Its been over eight years since I�ve been back here on this Forum . Quick history
Wife had two affairs whilst we were married . separated for 8 months , finally I went back .
8 years on , I moved out 9 months ago and filled for divorce. Reason being my Wife constantly communicating with another man via cell phone and SMS�S . This was brought to my attention by our eldest son. Confronted her and she denied accusations .
Finally got itemized billing for 3 months period and found over 170 sms and calls sent to him. She then explained to me that the relationship was platonic.
I met an amazing woman about six months ago. She makes me feel like living again , she makes me happy. The problem I have is I feel so guilty . I know that I have tried my damn hardest to repair our marriage , but she did the same thing to me again and now she phones me crying telling me how messed up her life is now and blames it on me. She is always trying to put me on a guilt trip ,Haven�t I got the right to be happy and start over ?

It sounds like you tolerated alot from your wife for a long time. It's time for your happiness, don't ponder on the negative things she says to you, its a manipulation tactic.
Congrats on your new relationship, it sounds like your soon to be ex is trying to sabatoge it.

NWTCO, you know that almost anyone would make you feel alive and happy after what you've been through, right? Rebound relationships have a lot in common with affairs. For example, emotional needs haven't been met for a length of time, and just about anyone who made any deposits would look really good.

For your own sake as well as the lady you are dating, I suggest you go very slowly or stop seeing her for a while because it sounds like a rebound relationship. The truth is not only is your divorce not final, but you are still in a relationship with your STBX wife. If you weren't, you wouldn't be talking on the phone to STBXW about all this stuff.

The best way for you to be happy is to bring your relationship with your STBXW to an end completely. Then, spend time alone, developing other ways to get your emotional needs met--usually this means building friendships, family relationships and acquainances. Then,when you're over the loneliness and feel good on your own, then date.

There's only a 1:10 chance you'll heed this advice, but keep it in mind for the future. Best of luck to you.

PS: Don't discuss personal stuff with the person you're dating. Don't buy into guilt trips, but more importantly, just don't allow that kind of conversation. What's the point? Keep it to business and the kids.

If the divorce isn't final, he shouldn't be dating, PERIOD.

He needs to slow down and learn about himself without any distractions before getting into another relationship.

Pepperband : The divorce is not Final, as she is stalling the process , she has already switched between three Lawyers tactically delaying . I want this to come to an end so that I can go on with my life and Yes to start a complete relationship with the other woman . We have only met 4 times over the period , majority of contact has been over the phone or email

Greengables, I realize that the divorce needs to be settled , before starting a new relationship , but she is the one stalling and I have been on my own for quite some time now and I'm really happy with my life, being on my own.

NWTCO, I'm not saying the divorce has to be completely done. Mine took a couple of years. My mother's took 5 years. BUT, you should not be emotionally involved with your ex.

You wrote: I met an amazing woman about six months ago. She makes me feel like living again , she makes me happy. The problem I have is I feel so guilty .

So, if I've got the time frame right, you had been separated for 3 months and then you found someone amazing who made you feel alive again. 3 months is not a long time. Now, you've been dating this woman for 6 months.

And then there's the problem that you feel guilty. We only feel guilty when we've done soemthing that we believe is wrong. I believe you feel guilty because your relationship with your STBX isn't purely business.

The fact that you're even asking these questions leads me to believe you're not ready to be in a serious relationship.

What GG said.

Don't let your STBXW make you feel guilty for anything. You have to realize that those guilt trips are coming from a part of her that feels weak and is afraid to be alone. So it is not that she truly misses or blames you---it is a weak part of herself lashing out.

I agree with what the others have said about dating. Take your time and be alone for awhile. You have to be alone to really decide what you want in a new mate and what you need to change about yourself to prepare for a new relationship. That doesn't mean you need to stop seeing this woman, but be honest with her and take things one step at a time.

All the best.