I am so obsessed with this affair, it's all I think about.
In my best Dr Phil voice, "How's that working for you?" It's probably not, so don't focus on the affair.
From morning to night, when I wake up in the middle of the night, at work, all the time, I am constantly lecturing WW in my head about how she's ruining everything, hurting the kids and hurting herself, and how CRAZY this all is.
You cannot educate a WW, so I wouldn't go down this path. Everything you say is true, but she wouldn't hear it from you, and it will do no good to have this fantasy conversation in your head, it will spill over into your real-life interactions.
I just feel so right in my beliefs that WW is WRONG.
So I was thinking, just to play devil's advocate...
Maybe I'm the one delusional about how happy our marriage was before OM came along.
You probably are, but don't lose hope. If she were happy, she wouldn't have chosen the affair. If done well, this is a good line of thinking. It gets you to focus on how you can meet her needs and eliminate LBs.
Maybe I never made WW as happy as OM does.
No, you probably made her happy, or she wouldn't have married you. The other side of that coin is that living with someone gives you ample opportunity to do things that make her unhappy. The OM doesn't have these opportunities in the fantasy relationship she's in.
You see, she IS happy. That much is true. But this sort of happiness is not sustainable. The question is, can you keep yourself together, fix what you've been doing wrong, so that the tables turn again? Can you eliminate LB behavior as the OM has more opportunity to make her unhappy with his LB behaviors that begin to creep in?
Maybe I can never make WW as happy as OM can.
In the SHORT term, you may be right. But if she's spending the time with him, he has more opportunity than you to make her unhappy. So if you eliminate LBs and meet whatever needs possible, the tables MAY turn in your favor.
Maybe the kids will be fine if we divorce. Maybe the 5% or less chance WW and OM have for success IS worth throwing everything else away. Maybe WW wanting a D really does have nothing to do with the OM. Maybe her friends who are supporting her as she "follows her heart" are all right.
I doubt they are right in the long term. They may be right in the short term, but long term, the odds are way against it. This is your opportunity to take an honest assessment of YOU and what YOU are doing.
Don't look at what she's doing, or not doing, because you can't change it. You cannot change what her friends, her lover, etc are saying.
What you can do is to correct what you can about your approach and when the affair dies out, be the best choice she can make, if you still want her by then.
Maybe I'm the one who's fogged out.
Maybe. But that's because you are taking your cues from someone in an affair it seems.
Focus on you and only you. Not in a selfish way, but in the way that you focus on your behaviors, your thoughts, your actions, etc. Ignore all of what she's saying and about 90% of what she's doing. It's short term, and will not last.