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Higgs, if you want and have time read this article. It contains a simple releasing technique. You will be stuffing a lot of emotions while in plan A and they will come back to bite you in the bum unless you release them. Do it till it works. It worked for me. It is simple so simple it might sound stupid. But just do it and you will see it works. Give it some time. Link to article http://www.beyond-karma.com/how-to/how-to-release-big-and-small-emotions-release/Blessing
atena
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My friend just texted him about how disappointed she is in his affair. I'm planning on going by OW house tonight to see if car is there...if not, then I will head out to the lake just to check.
We have discussed, but he just goes on and on about how he would have never done this to me....told everyone about what he is doing,all the exposure. Someone is forwarding him emails that get sent...someone is keeping him updated about what I'm doing through email or text. I'm thinking that she would most likely be there in the darkness than the full daylight...I'm hoping I'm right...or wrong.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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My friend just texted him about how disappointed she is in his affair. I'm planning on going by OW house tonight to see if car is there...if not, then I will head out to the lake just to check. Higgs, if she has any snap at all, she will leave her car at her house with the lights on and find another way to the lake. PLEASE go out there! There is no way your H is going to stay out at a lake like that when he is in the throes of an addiction. I ASSURE you he did this last weekend too and was either at her house or the lake. Someone is forwarding him emails that get sent...someone is keeping him updated about what I'm doing through email or text. YIPPEE!!!! Good for your friend!  Ask your friends and family to keep the pressure up!! The more texts and emails, the better! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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How much would that PI charge to go out to the lake tonight and snap some pics?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I don't know...my mom is saying that she will go out there with a friend, so I'm giving directions....I'm still going to check the OW's house. I'll call him and check, but I only had about $200 left. I think I got railroaded with this PI in terms of the costs of everything.
My frined said H texted her back and said he felt justified in pursuing this woman because he knew that he wanted to leave me; he was already so unhappy. She asked him why didn't he just file for a divorce instead of lying and going around with this other woman.
I'm telling you I'm exhausted over this whole thing. If he planned on leaving me anyway, then what will keep him from doing it now?
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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I don't know...my mom is saying that she will go out there with a friend, so I'm giving directions....I'm still going to check the OW's house Even better!! She asked him why didn't he just file for a divorce instead of lying and going around with this other woman.
I'm telling you I'm exhausted over this whole thing. If he planned on leaving me anyway, then what will keep him from doing it now? No, he didn't plan on leaving you anyway. If he planned on leaving you he would have left you. That is his rationalization for having an affair. It is bullcrap. What will cause him to not leave you in the future will be killing the affair. Stick to the plan, higgs!! Stop concerning with yourself with the fogbabble of a falling down drunk and focus on killing his affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He just told me friend that he was going to be a single man soon anyway. What's that mean?
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Posts: 3,490
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If he planned on leaving me anyway, then what will keep him from doing it now? This is a big fat lie, he planned on no such thing, this is his excuse to make it look like OW is not the problem. They ALL say this, higgs...do not believe a word he says. Do you know how you know if wayward is lying? His mouth is OPEN and words are coming out. Remember this!
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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He just told me friend that he was going to be a single man soon anyway. What's that mean? See my above post. He is a lying sack of horsesh*t.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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He just told me friend that he was going to be a single man soon anyway. What's that mean? Here is what that means: CLICK HERE
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yep, it's all a load of crap. He thought he could have his fun on the side and still have his wife and family. Don't pay any attention to his bullcarp.
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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Higgs, I know you are exausted - emotionally and physically - but you are doing great! You exposed and you are killing the affair. What he is saying and doing now are the rantings of the crazy person he has been and is. Don't listen. Don't let it be meaningful. It isn't.
Keep it up, girl! Imagine all of us right behind you cheering!
Me: BW, 46
Him: WH, 48
EA/PA with co-worker 8-08 to 7-09
D-day 7-29
NC 8-17
OW and WH both fired from jobs
OW lost court case for restraining order- judge called her a "practiced deciever" who manufactured evidence!!
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Just got back from the lake and he wasn't there...said he was at a friends house 17 miles from there. I just went back home. I'm so tired and I don't know about anything anymore.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Another alone morning. Our grass is knee high, and my family does not know what to think. I'm still going to try, but it's hard to keep my countenance up. I'm a nervous wreck everyday wondering what's going to happen next. I appreciate everyone's support here.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Posts: 8,240
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((((higgs))))
I am sorry. I understand how you feel. We all understand how you feel. It is hard. Pepperband told me on my thread that Plan A is hard. Plan B is harder. Recovery is harder still. Although when you are in Plan A, it doesn't feel like anything could be harder.
They are each hard in their own way. Plan A is EXTREMELY taxing on you emotionally. That's why it is a SHORT TERM thing. It can't be held up too long. DrH recommends about 3-4 weeks for women. Some women can accomplish a longer Plan A. You will know when the timing is right. We will help you. I found it easier to do my PLan A when I knew there was an end date.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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How will I know...he never comes home long enough to accomplish anything. He's not sorry and he thinks he is the victim here. If he continues to just stay away do I go to plan B? I guess I've only been in plan A for about a week.
I would say that if he comes home today at all...it will be late tonight....anything to keep from being around me.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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How will I know...he never comes home long enough to accomplish anything. He's not sorry and he thinks he is the victim here. If he continues to just stay away do I go to plan B? I guess I've only been in plan A for about a week.
I would say that if he comes home today at all...it will be late tonight....anything to keep from being around me. higgs, just continue to be as pleasant as possible and plan to go into Plan B in about 2 weeks. Get your ducks in a row and start separating credit cards, bank accounts, etc. Do you have the book Surviving an Affair? If you have the time, go read Mimi's thread. Her H was alot like yours and they ended up back together in a very happy marriage in the end. Just keep your focus on making your home as pleasant as possible so when you do go dark, that will be the last thing he remembers.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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where do I find her thread?
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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higgs, can you mow the lawn? Maybe it would be a good idea to get the family focused on more positive things now and take back control of your lives. When you are in Plan B, you wont' be dealing with his craziness every day and you will feel much better after a couple of weeks.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes, I can...the neighbor helped me to hang the blinds...and he also said that he would mow the front if needed and my boys can mow the back.
He just texted me and told me that he was on his way...I'll be trying to get things nice.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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