Hello everyone, I am back for some advice. I think I have forgiven my WW, for her 4 month A of two years ago. I just found out in Nov, during her fight with Thyroid cancer. I think I finally can look at her without the hurt, and bitterness. the judgmental attitude. But I have A LOT going wrong right now. Work, finances, our investment house. I really need someone to lean on, to be my support group. But, I don't trust her, I am not ready to depend on her, in that capacity yet. And, it is building another wall between us. She, wants me to trust her, I think I can trust her. But, when I am with her, I just feel so distant and disconected. Like I am with a stranger. Any advice as to how we can start this trust building thing?

Trust comes when she acts consistently in a trust worthy fashion.

EP's
EN's filled
LB's done away with
Accountability.
and making you feel SAFE.

oh, and lots and lots of time.

Things that she can do to rebuild your trust is:

1. never demand or expect trust. You should not trust her. She not only cheated on you, but she LIED about it for 2 years. You have MORE to overcome than just an affair

2. she should open up her life so she is completely transparent. You should have all her passwords to every thing. You should know where she is at all times

3. You should spend all your leisure time together and never spend the night apart. No going out with her friends alone, etc

4. Eliminate all opposite sex friendships

5. end all contact with her OM and answer all of your questions in FULL about the affair. This is information about your life that has been wrongfully withheld from you

If she does all those things, it will go along way in eventually regaining your trust. But she needs to understand that trust has to be EARNED, it is not an entitlement. What led to the affair, in the first place, was TOO MUCH TRUST, so you don't EVER want to go back to where you were when the affair happened.

restorehappy, another thing you should do to protect your marriage and restore SOME trust is snoop like a bloodhound. Slap a keylogger on her computer, track her phone calls, etc. This will go along way in making sure this doesn't happen again.